You know what kind of science fiction never disappoints in it sheer dumbness? The post-apocalyptic type, where the world has become a radiated wasteland populated by fearsome characters out to make things right in their own way. So settle back and enjoy three books that define dumb fun … and reveal what our futures hold.
TRAVELER #9: THE STALKING TIME by D.B. Drumm — This 1986 book is 24 years old, and boy, does it show with references to THE A-TEAM, MIAMI VICE and DALLAS. For those unfamiliar, the Traveler is a lone wolf/former government super-soldier who is now on his own and searching for signs of communities that still exist.
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It’s the column that was sure to happen at some point: nothing but books about one Steven Urkel. And if you believe that, then have I got a bridge for sale in Brooklyn. All right, enough of this joshing around and onto this week’s theme. All the titles have some connection to family life, be it sons, daughters or a unit as a whole.
TRUE SON OF THE BEAST! by Carter Brown — This 1970 effort really shows what happens to a writer grabbing at straws to continue his output. No longer do the novels feature light and fun travelogue-like mysteries. Now, they’ve become very graphic in their depiction of sex and bizarre situations, like some bizarre mash-up of Gothic stories and a PENTHOUSE FORUM letter.
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No, with that title, this column is not turning into some weekly affirmation. I’m talking about that red, sticky stuff that flows within us all: blood. I’ve got three books to cover this week that all have blood in common, and usually, there is a lot spilled. First up is a book where once I found out who the real author was, it really pissed me off, since his writing was central to my youth.
BALZAN OF THE CAT PEOPLE #1: THE BLOOD STONES by Wallace Moore — I grew up reading tons of science fiction — good and bad, did not matter. I found it funny that the bad stuff was always more fun to read. But I’ve never come across one that truly deserves the title of “worst book ever” in any genre. Sure, I’ve covered more than my share of stinkers, but wow, did I really hit bottom with this 1975 one.
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Tinseltown is the land where they make movies and butcher books into movies. For better or worse, a lot of books I’ve read have been made into films. Some do a fine job bringing the page to the screen, while others just seem to be a reason to use the title and make up some ludicrous plot that has nothing to do with the book. These three books all deal in the world of moviemaking.
THE CASE OF THE BAKER STREET IRREGULARS by Anthony Boucher — I’m guessing a large portion of people who read this column caught the latest take on Sherlock Holmes, so it’s fitting our first book deals with making a Sherlock Holmes movie, which is only a reason on which to hang in-jokes and references to a variety of Holmes stories.
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This week, it’s a mixed bag of material, all from authors I’ve covered before. We have the return of the lawyer who can do no wrong; a Gold Medal writer trying out his new set of spurs; and finally, an early adventure from a character whose series is slowly drawing to a close. Also, for those who come here for the covers, that first one is a personal favorite. I mean, hotsie-totsie!
PERRY MASON SOLVES THE CASE OF THE DARING DIVORCEE by Erle Stanley Gardner — Sometimes I wish I could go back into time to the 1970s and pick up every mystery paperback, because I just love the photo covers from that time. Perry Mason books are a mixed bag; they are so plentiful that to come across a dud is no surprise. This 1964 one is not stellar Mason by any stretch, since it’s one of those books that not only shows its age, but falters because of it.
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