If you drive any long distance, you always need to make a pit stop. I love stopping at truck stops, where I can get food fast, plus stock up on some steel guitar and Jerry Clower CDs. These three books could easily have been found at any one of these stops on our highways. This column is pretty much a sequel to my creative bankruptcy one from a long time ago. We have some serious carryover from that one, as you will see.

THE BOUNTY HUNTER #2: A KILLING TRADE by Tiny Boyles and Hank Nuwer — Where to begin? Well, this 1981 effort is not high literature not by a long shot. But I knew that going in, since I’ve covered the series’ first book already. Tiny and his merry band of bounty hunters are on the path of a one tough mother. And that’s according to the back cover.

Tiny and his crew try to rescue Tiny’s niece Sissy, who was kidnapped by a group of white slave owners. Again, for those expecting anything deep or meaningful, I highly suggest reading something else. This is just a straightforward tale of good ol’ boys out for justice, with the plot taking them down to New Orleans, where of course, one of the first people they run into is a transvestite hooker.

This novel is just packed with homophobia and redneck glory. I mean, looking at the cover, I would have sworn it was the second coming of John Cheever. The plot is paper-thin — an excuse for juvenile jokes we’ve heard as kids (including the one about Kermit’s finger) while the crew searches for Sissy and getting some help from the bad guy’s dad, no less. Sissy has to endure rape after rape while being held captive — so classy.

I actually enjoyed the book for what it is. The only thing missing from it was a Jerry Reed soundtrack (R.I.P. Snowman). It’s not for everyone, but if you really want something that kills time and delivers with what it promises — a rip-snorting good time — then hell, pop open a few Coors and then later watch GATOR or WHITE LIGHTNING.

RIG WARRIOR #2: WHEELS OF DEATH by William W. Johnstone — This 1988 story uses one of the most overused plot ideas ever: a family controlling a small town. You know the plot I’m talking about: The big, rich family with the kids that just run roughshod, and no one can do a thing about it. But since this is a book and not some movie or TV show, it is taken to such extremes that it will probably offend everyone.

We are given the whole history of hero Barry Rivers in the first chapter. Dog — as he likes to be called — is sent off to investigate Dane County, Ky., where DELIVERANCE is not just a movie, but a lifestyle. The people of the town have had enough with the evil Anson family, but no one has the guts to do anything about it until Dog turns up, ready to bust some heads.

This book is just packed with such heartwarming fun, as we get to read about rapes of 12-year-olds, the rape of a retarded boy and severe jail beatings. It made me miss reading some of those NINJA MASTER books for a minute. The novel pretty much moves into WALKING TALL material, where everything that can happen to anyone friendly with Dog does. I really think Johnstone just watched WALKING TALL and peppered in a little DUKES OF HAZZARD before coming up with this story.

It’s packed with action, that’s for sure, but it gets to the point where the reader just wants it to end already. Especially by the big climactic finale of Dog just going nuts with the help from an old Army buddy named Puff. I’m not going to try and dissuade anyone from reading this book, but be forewarned: You might get a bit skeeved out.

THE SPECIALIST #8: ONE-MAN ARMY by John Cutter — Closing out this column of puerile reading is the bastard child of one writer’s output: John Shirley, working under a pseudonym. Once again it’s the mercenary who believes his sexual prowess is the most important thing to tell readers all about. Don’t believe me? Well, 15 pages into this 1985 novel, we get an intense description of his technique and member.

The story is about a corrupt landlord named Legion, trying to rid his building of law-abiding tenants. He does his best by throwing every stereotype of thug at these people. But guess what? One of the women who lives there happened to have dated The Specialist. It takes all of five minutes once The Specialist turns up that all hell starts to break loose.

The Specialist singlehandedly clears out all the thugs, with not a scratch. This so pisses off Legion that he hires himself his own specialist to take care of the problem: a hitman named Tony the Chill. The funny thing is, their confrontation is done in like two pages — nothing to scream about. I mean, I read it, and I was like, “Oh, it’s over? Well, what the hell will take up the rest of these pages?”

That, of course, is The Specialist going after Legion, even if it means flying over to Europe to waste him. This book is pretty much by-the-numbers: nothing surprising and nothing engaging at all. It’s a typical men’s adventure novel that never delivers like, say, a NICK CARTER: KILLMASTER. At least those try and mix it up, while this one seems to just be page filler to pay a few bills — the reason Shirley wrote them in the first place.

Next time: Ever see that film NIGHT MOVES? —Bruce Grossman

Buy them at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF TINY BOYLES AND HANK NUWER:
• THE BOUNTY HUNTER #1: THE DEADLIEST PROFESSION by Tiny Boyles and Hank Nuwer

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF WILLIAM W. JOHNSTONE:
• RIG WARRIOR by William W. Johnstone

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF JOHN SHIRLEY:
• IN DARKNESS WAITING by John Shirley
• THE OTHER END by John Shirley
• THE SPECIALIST #1: A TALENT FOR REVENGE by John Shirley
• THE SPECIALIST #6: THE BIG ONE by John Cutter
• TRAVELER #1: FIRST, YOU FIGHT by John Shirley
• TRAVELER #2: KINGDOM COME by D.B. Drumm