BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> The Gumshoe Gang
It’s been awhile since we had an all-private-dick/copper column here, so we’re getting back to BBBB’s bread and butter. So as I dust off my rumpled raincoat and stop doing my Columbo impressions, let’s settle in for some reading.
MAC SLADE: THE CASE OF THE HARDBOILED DICKS by John Blumenthal – From 1985, this is the second of the two Mac Slade books – a series that fails on all fronts. It seems Blumenthal had great plans for this character, but thankfully, it got stopped before he could inflict any more pain. It’s a passable P.I. mystery with some supposed humor thrown into the mix. I say “supposed” since this book is about as funny as a Dane Cook CD. Not one laugh will be uttered.
Mac Slade is not the sharpest tool in the shed. To say he’s a bit stupid is like saying Stephen Hawking is kinda smart. He’s hired by a woman to track down her missing brother. Now throughout this super-fast read, its only saving grace is Slade failing to recognize clues staring him right in his face. He’s like a child chasing a balloon: completely oblivious, even when some of his fellow P.I.s turn up dead.
I don’t know what else to say about this novel, except the reveal is just as bad as everything before it. When you find out why the detectives are being killed off, you’ll just feel like, “Well, there goes that two hours of my life I’ll never get back.” To think I was going to watch that Johnny Cash COLUMBO episode instead of starting this stinker.
AND THE UNDEAD SING by Carter Brown – It’s the return of the McDonald’s of the noir world. But when is a detective novel not a detective novel? When the only mystery of the whole book is, “Okay, where did my time go?” I’ve stated before that I thoroughly enjoy the Carter Brown output, but this 1974 installment is a total misstep.
It’s part of the Mavis Seidlitz line of stories, with Mavis and her partner Johnny Rio hired to impersonate some reclusive rock singer to take any attention away from the real girl before a big show in London. That’s the whole story, folks. Mavis is holed up in a crap hotel where she is kidnapped twice by the same pair of henchmen. She dodges the groupie mob who just want a piece of her, as well as the mob who want her to sign with their label. And that’s it.
UNDEAD is a total disappointment in every part, because Brown is totally out of touch with what the modern music scene at the time was, coming up with band names like Mango Pickle. Guess he was trying to be hip for the youngsters. This is one of the later Carter Brown books out there and one you should just skip right over, even if it takes such a short time to read. You’ll still feel cheated that your energy was squandered on such a subpar story.
A COOL CLEAR DEATH by Tucker Halleran – I know people really enjoy when I bash a book that really deserves it. Well, here’s a slow-pitch softball to hit out of the park. Where even to start with this 1984 mess of a mystery? Wait, did I say “mystery”? How could it be a mystery when all the suspects are cleared right away?
This is the first of a supposed series for a character who is not just a third-rate Travis McGee, but proudly says it’s a Travis McGee rip-off on the back cover. Our hero Cam MacCardle is a former football player – which is drilled into our heads every other page – who’s pals with a local priest with whom he served in Vietnam.
This novel suffers from way too much backstory. It’s supposed to be a detective story, not Cam’s personal history from ‘Nam to the football game. Seriously, that’s like half the book. Wonder why? Because the mystery is super-lame and no clues are given until the reveal at the end.
And that “mystery” concerns the wife of one Ralph Morgan, whom he finds at home dead by suffocation. Of course, he has no real alibi, so he is prime suspect numero uno. Cam’s priest pal is the one who hooks up Ralph with the detective.
Cam is not much of a detective, which will piss off any reader when he compares himself to Ellery Queen, Mike Hammer and even McGee again. Avoid this one, because no way is this guy even in the same league. Hell, Andy Barker was a better detective than this sad excuse. I won’t even go into the NASCAR discussions in this book. Talk about trying to cover every base.
Next time: Code Name: Eric. –Bruce Grossman
OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• THE CLOWN by Carter Brown
• THE EVER-LOVING BLUES by Carter Brown
• THE HONG KONG CAPER by Carter Brown
• MURDER IS A PACKAGE DEAL by Carter Brown
• THE NEVER-WAS GIRL by Carter Brown
• THE WANTON by Carter Brown
Well, I like Dane Cook, and vaguely remember liking the Mac Slade book as a cheezy fun read. Of course it’s been 15 years or so since I read it, and the 1st, purple covered book. Hey, I’m not too proud to admit I read trash at times! I still have them I think, unless you bought those at a place I sent you, in which case now you have them
It doesn’t sound like these are that good of books.
Steve I’ve had those books in my collection for awhile have the purple one also. Both purchased at Second Look Books
Rod:
Thanks for much trashing “Cool Clear Death” written by my late father, Tucker Halleran, who passed away in 1986.
After witnessing the joy with which you dispatch my Dad’s book — written in his mid-40’s, after years in advertising and marketing — I went looking for some inspiration and quality in the original stories you have created.
But all I could find were examples of other people’s work that you have edited, scripted, or otherwise, interpreted.
So, I guess that’s where you honed your abilities to so eloquently dump on other people’s work — while trying in vain to finish something of your own.
But maybe it’s not so bad — not having an original thought.
Because, if you ever did, some yahoo on the net might crap all over it.
And I’d hate to see that happen.
While I understand your feelings, John, that’s the nature of the reviewing business: Some you like, some you don’t. How boring it would be if everyone agreed. The adage that even bad publicity is good publicity really is true — COOL CLEAR DEATH has now been brought to the attention of thousands who likely have never heard of it before, some of whom will read the review and say, “Hey, it sounds like something I would enjoy” and seek it out.
Rod:
Perhaps my comments to you regarding “Cool Clear Death” should be directed to Bruce Grossman — I misread the mast head.
Same comments apply — he’s even less accomplished than you.
I love reading Grossman’s columns because he actually takes the time to unearth and review books that most people don’t give a shit about. A COOL CLEAR DEATH is a perfect example. I don’t sense that he is taking any particular joy in trashing it - he’s REVIEWING it from from the perspective of someone who likes hardboiled crime novels.
But I am curious… how did you find this review? Do you search out reviews of this book? I would think you’d be glad just to see it being written about. I would never have heard about it otherwise.
I don’t think you have to be a chef to notice food that tastes like crap.
Denigrating the curricula vitae of Internet book reviewers is pretty close shooting fish in a barrel, is it not?
Being a former ad man, my dad would probably take issue with the idea that “any publicity is good publicity”. For examples, see the Isuzu Trooper, Three Mile Island, and O.J.
But he’d also get a kick out of the fact, 20 years later, people are still talking about one of his books — he also wrote a second Cam MacCardle adventure called “Sudden Death Finish” — even if it is just his son taking issue with a bunch of anonymous posters!
Reviews are reviews — Dad was hailed by The Des Moines Register, while The New York Times took a pass — and my taking issue with some random Internet reviewer is not an attempt to salvage my Dad’s literary reputation..
Hell, I know “CCD” wasn’t in the same league as “A Tan and Sandy Silence” — and so did he.
Rather, I guess I was just trying to illustrate that it’s easier tear down than to build up.
But I guess these days, if you don’t have something nice to say, you create a blog.
John, you’re right: It is easier to tear something down than build it up. As a reviewer, those are the most fun to write (and read). But personally, I never do it just to do it.