Let the bad ’80s musical references begin, since this column has an Asian feel. Get it? If not, lucky you. This week, we have three spy tales that all take place in the Far East, with two returning spies and one newbie to join the group. Also, I learned an important lesson with this column, since one of the original books I selected was missing its first 40 pages. Always check to make sure your books have are intact, folks.

BUTLER #4: CHINESE ROULETTE by Philip Kirk — This 1979 entry is the fourth in the Butler series, about a former CIA operative who was fired from the agency. We’re not given any information of the firing, but a little research turns out he was critical of the CIA’s operations. Now, Butler — no first name — works for the Bancroft Institute, which is some sort of super-secret agency that only exists in novels.

He’s called upon to investigate some strange goings-on in Hong Kong, and is saddled with a partner: a scientist named Claudia U. Caribou. (Could someone please explain the fascination of giving characters incredibly stupid names? I know it all started with Ian Fleming; he should be blamed for some of the major hackwork that purports itself as spy fiction.) Claudia serves absolutely no purpose except to turn down Butler’s constant sexual advances.

Did I forget to mention that Butler goes into great, graphic detail about all his sexual conquests? That’s nothing new to the genre, but the name-dropping of other books and authors in the book sure is. I think this is the first spy series that not only brings up John le Carré, but also Thomas Pynchon and GRAVITY’S RAINBOW.

The story is very by-the-numbers, with the big plot about the Chinese releasing the bubonic plague in the Soviet Union. Butler seems like a low-rent Nick Carter, but just a shade dumber. How many spies are walking around with huge Colts as their gun of choice? Add in using the cover of a reporter over and over whenever questioned about who he works for, and the hooker with a heart of gold, and you have yourself a fly-by-night spy story.

But what really separates this series from others is how Butler does not get the girl in the end. Let me make that even clearer: He does not get any of the three women at the end. I won’t even go into that the enemy has the super-original name of Hydra. ROULETTE is better than some others I’ve read, but just be forewarned: It wants to be one thing, but settles into the cheap thrills too much.

THE KOREAN KILL by Nick Carter — Prolific KILLMASTER ghostwriter Jack Canon tackles this latter-day Nick Carter adventure from 1989 — one that falls into the based-in-reality group. It starts off with cops investigating the murder of an Asian man in the park, with the only witness being a rummy who saw a lot more than he tells, since he figures he can make off with the loot he snagged off the killer. The problem, of course, is that the money is about as real as the Easter Bunny.

What also is vastly different from most Nick Carter novels is how matter-of-fact Nick gets to business. There are no long passages of him bedding down women, or references to his gun and gas bombs, which just seems a bit bizarre.

Carter goes to Hong Kong to meet a informant who has details about not only a counterfeiting operation, but also illegal sales of technology. It’s all tied to the mysterious Dr. Kwon, who seems to control all of the underworld in Korea, which is where Nick ends up after several run-ins with a couple of unfriendly fellows. The major mystery is who Dr. Kwon is, since Carter finds out it might not even be the original Dr. Kwon, since it’s explained by someone who helps him out that he was the real Dr. Kwon.

I know, that seems confusing, but that is to be expected from this type of KILLMASTER, since it varies from ripping off Bond books, with Dr. Kwon subbing for Blofeld, only to take a page from the Matt Helm series by painting Carter as even colder then usual, especially at the ending. These mixtures never gel into a completely cohesive plot. It’s not one of the weakest Carter books out there, but it reads as if it might have been written as its own story, with Nick Carter shoehorned into it for a quick buck.

MALKO: SPYMASTER #11: HOSTAGE IN TOKYO by Gerard de Villiers — Hey, it’s another adventure in series misnumbering. Again, the culprit is the super-duper secret spy who is also an aristocrat: Malko. While the cover clearly states it’s #11, it was actually #38. To sum up this 1975 book real simple, here is a one-letter review: zzzzzzzzz.

Don’t misunderstand: There are action pieces in this tome, but wow, everything else is right up there with Sominex for putting you to sleep. It starts off kick-ass enough with a hostage situation at the American Embassy in Tokyo. A woman just walks in and takes the whole place in one fell swoop, even sticking a gun right up to the ambassador’s head and ready to pull the trigger.

She’s part of a terrorist group with ties to a red uprising, and demands the U.S. free of one of her compatriots and give her a cache of cash. Malko is sent to deal with this problem, with a breathtaking confrontation on the rooftop with copters and guns everywhere.

Well, that’s the first few chapters; after that, it’s snooze city. I lost interest more times in the story than a kid with A.D.D. in a museum. The story follows Malko as he tries to track down this group, which tries to kill Malko. The terrorists piss off not only Malko, but Japanese gangsters. They do this by blowing up a geisha house.

I can’t understand why I keep going back to this series. Oh, wait, I know why: It’s sitting on the cover. Save your money and stick with the homegrown spy series, instead of this French import that spins its wheels more times than a car on a patch of ice.

Next time: He is just a ray of sunshine. —Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF NICK CARTER:
• CODE NAME: WEREWOLF by Nick Carter
• DEADLY DOUBLES by Nick Carter
• DEEP SEA DEATH by Nick Carter
• THE GOLDEN BULL by Nick Carter
• HIDE AND GO DIE by Nick Carter
• ICE TRAP TERROR by Nick Carter
• MACAO by Nick Carter
• THE OMEGA TERROR by Nick Carter
• STRIKE FORCE TERROR by Nick Carter

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF GERARD DE VILLIERS:
MALKO #1: WEST OF JERUSALEM by Gerard De Villiers
• MALKO: SPYMASTER NO. 13 – DEATH IN SANTIAGO by Gerard De Villiers