Sadly, this is not my long-awaited tribute to Elvis. Nah, this column is all about different types of kings, none of which are of the King Arthur variety or sing “Suspicious Minds” or hit girls in the chest with pool cues. (Read ELVIS: WHAT HAPPENED for that little story — it’s packed with such tidbits.)

KING’S RANSOM (1959) by Ed McBain — It’s the return of the only cop precinct busier than the folks on LAW & ORDER: the good old 87th. As the cover to this 1959 novel states, what should have been the perfect crime goes horribly wrong, with a set of kidnappers thinking they grabbed wealthy businessman Douglas King’s child … except they grabbed the chauffeur’s son instead.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, since King is in the middle of trying to gain controlling stock of a show company he works for, putting every last cent into the deal so he can kick the whole board out. So already, you know King is the ultimate prick, making Donald Trump look like a saint.

Once King receives the call about his “son,” he explains that his kid Bobby is upstairs. The kidnappers are thrown for a loop and still want to go through with the plan, with King not budging one iota, making himself to be the ultimate asshole. Even the cops can’t believe his cold-hearted nature. Will King see the errors of his way, especially since one of the kidnappers is hell-bent on the money or else?

For a book written close to 50 years ago, it stands up extremely well. There is not a lot to date the story — just a few minor things like trunk lines and such. But I think most people know they will get their money’s worth when they see McBain’s name on a spine.

KING OF THE RANGE by Max Brand — It kills me to say this, but this 1935 novel is not a Max Brand to add to your reading list. It’s just that the story feels all over the map and a bit confused, beginning with Carrick Dunmore, probably the saddest excuse of a cowboy.

People think of him as just a waste of space, but that all changes once he finds out that he has a relative who vows to take care of him when he turns up hurt. Then the story moves into a bit about Jim Tankerton, who is like the King Solomon in town, dispensing justice and wisdom when problems arise.

Then from here, I lose track of what the story is really about. since we are told that Tankerton and Dunmore were childhood friends. They team up together since there is a bounty on both their heads. I lost my way too many times throughout, which is a real shame since Brand is normally a great Western writer.

But I guess you might come across a clunker or two in the output. So stick with the other ones I’ve covered; they won’t let you down. But if you can make heads or tails of this one, help yourself.

THE DESTROYER #24: KING’S CURSE by Warren Murphy & Richard Sapir — Ah, there’s nothing like the soothing pages of a DESTROYER novel to kickstart a reading binge. Another from the early days of the series still handled by its creators, this 1976 installment has Remo and Chiun dealing with Actatl, a bizarre religious cult from a long-lost civilization in South America whose members are a bit upset about their precious rock monument called Uctut.

It has been defiled, so they cut out people’s hearts with a stone knife. Plus, they like to wear a bizarre get-up that makes them look like they could be related to Big Bird. This being a DESTROYER novel, they have other motivations besides the rock defacing. Oh, and they also have stumbled upon a secret organization called CURE. Will these people ever learn? I mean, once you find out about the group, you pretty much know it’s not going to end pretty for anyone facing Remo and Chiun.

But why is the group picking out a congressmen and a rich socialite as its first two victims? As Remo investigates, it turns out this group has some pretty high-up friends in all kinds of positions and places. Action-packed is an understatement with this one, plus we see how much Remo is for women’s lib. Another classic that will make you just laugh with delight once it’s all said and done.

Next time: It’s all elemental. —Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THE DESTROYER SERIES:
• THE BEST OF THE DESTROYER by Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir
• THE DESTROYER #11: KILL OR CURE by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #13: ACID ROCK by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #14: JUDGMENT DAY by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #15: MURDER WARD by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #18: FUNNY MONEY by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #22: BRAIN DRAIN by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #23: CHILD’S PLAY by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #30: MUGGER BLOOD by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #32: KILLER CHROMOSOMES by Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #38: BAY CITY BLAST by Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #39: MISSING LINK by Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #46: NEXT OF KIN by Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #48: PROFIT MOTIVE by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #49: SKIN DEEP by Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #52: FOOL’S GOLD by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #11: KILL OR CURE by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• THE DESTROYER #55: MASTER’S CHALLENGE by Will Murray
• THE DESTROYER #78: BLUE SMOKE AND MIRRORS by Will Murray
• THE DESTROYER #89: DARK HORSE by Will Murray
• THE DESTROYER #104: ANGRY WHITE MAILMEN by Will Murray
• THE DESTROYER #145: DRAGON BONES by Tim Somheil
• THE NEW DESTROYER: CHOKE HOLD by Warren Murphy and James Mullaney
• THE NEW DESTROYER: DEAD RECKONING by Warren Murphy and James Mullaney
• THE NEW DESTROYER: GUARDIAN ANGEL by Warren Murphy and James Mullaney

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF MAX BRAND:
• THE FALSE RIDER by Max Brand
• GUNFIGHTER’S RETURN by Max Brand
• MASQUERADE: TEN CRIME STORIES by Max Brand, edited by William F. Nolan Jr.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF ED MCBAIN:
• 80 MILLION EYES by Ed McBain
• EVERY LITTLE CROOK AND NANNY by Evan Hunter
• THE GUTTER AND THE GRAVE by Ed McBain
• LEARNING TO KILL: STORIES by Ed McBain
• LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE DEAF MAN by Ed McBain
• THE PUSHER by Ed McBain
• SHOTGUN by Ed McBain
• SO LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE by Ed McBain
• TRANSGRESSIONS edited by Ed McBain

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF WARREN MURPHY:
• GRANDMASTER by Warren Murphy
• TRACE: GETTING UP WITH FLEAS by Warren Murphy