Picks for my column go through various changes before I put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard, rather). Sometimes halfway through the column, I still make changes. This time, however, I switched out all three of my original picks. For those who care, that lineup would’ve featured Lawrence Block, Greg Rucka and Max Allan Collins. Instead, for various reasons, you’re getting an author who’s well-known and two that aren’t.

MEN AT ARMS by Terry Pratchett – I’ll be the first to admit when I’m wrong about things. I read the first two Discworld books this past summer and they did nothing for me. Then after a bit of digging and hearing some others as BBC audio plays, I found out that the earlier books are really not a great place to start. With 35 titles and recurring storylines, the Discworld series is kind of daunting –  where the hell do you start?

Well, I found this handy-dandy little chart. I’ll be sticking with the Watch novels, which could easily be described as Ed McBain meets MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.

But on to 1996’s MEN AT ARMS: It might have trolls and dwarves, but at the heart of this book is a great mystery story, with bodies piling up from a new weapon never seen before in Discworld. (Here’s a hint: It can shoot six times and goes bang.) There’s also assassins, clowns and a pack of dogs ruled by a poodle. So if you want a change from typical crime novels set in the big, dark city, take a trip to Discworld.

THE BUTCHER #9: SEALED WITH BLOOD by Stuart Jason aka Michael Avallone – Another book from the king of hack writing of the ’70s. As I’m mentioned time and again in this column, I enjoy the mindless aggressor stuff. You know the type: a super spy or badass who plays by their own rules, usually working for some government agency or vendetta.

Then we get this 1973 pile of animal droppings. I don’t ask for much from these paperbacks, but just a little backstory of who’s who would be pretty helpful. Let me put it another way: Halfway through this book, I still didn’t know who anybody was. Hell, at least the Matt Helm books give you tiny bits of info so you can follow along. This series makes you have to start with number one and continue. But guess what? I’m not going to.

The convoluted plot has something to do with the mob and Israel. Then let’s throw in The Butcher, on the lam from the mob since one day he just decided to up and leave that fun little group. SEALED WITH BLOOD is a big pile of poo that I stepped in, and I’ve got no one to blame but myself. No sexy cover to lure me in, no one raving about it – just my own damned curiosity.

THE KILLING FLOOR by Arthur Lyons – It’s always nice to open a book where you’ve got no idea what to expect. This 1976 novel is a perfect example. Don’t remember why I picked it up – maybe it was the cover or the fact I was just listening to the Jimi Hendrix song of the same name.

I guess Lyons was a big fan of Robert Altman’s version of THE LONG GOODBYE, since the book is very much in the Raymond Chandler vein – and in a good way, with the detective being a bit of a smart-ass like he is in the film. Our hero, PI Jacob Asch, is hired to track down a missing husband by the name of David Fein.

This leads Asch on the trail of the California underworld, where the bad guys have an in on Fein’s business – a slaughterhouse with descriptions that would really piss off the PETA people. No one is helpful, but when Asch finds Fein in the trunk of a car, he feels like the case is wrapped up. Not at all, because Asch has upset a good amount of people and they want to prove their innocence.

Lyons peppers his book with some very ’70s references, such as BARNABY JONES, CANNON, Rodney Allen Rippy and the ever-popular wine of the time, Blue Nun. This was just a fun read and, if not for those dated name-droppings, easily could be set in today’s times. Well. maybe the constant use of pay phones would need to be jettisoned, too. But THE KILLING FLOOR is well worth searching out – a sheer delight, especially after the turd I read before this.

Next time: authors we know from one series, but also wrote other books. Who knew? –Bruce Grossman

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