As the resident football fan here at BOOKGASM excited about the new season, I figured it was time to cover three fictional accounts of the America’s real favorite pastime. (New England Patriots rule!) For those expecting to see PAPER LION here – a great book – sorry. I’d read that long before I started the column grind.
SEMI-TOUGH by Dan Jenkins – Look out, PC police! Not only would this book throw them in a snit, but the first page alone would make most drop the book in disgust. The 1972 novel is written to be satirical and incredibly raunchy. Its narrator is Billy Clyde Puckett, star running back of the New York Giants – a man who minces few words and doesn’t see himself as racist, no matter what words he uses constantly.
It follows the days up to the Super Bowl (you know this is a work of fiction when the game is between the Jets and Giants). There is no real story or plot – just Billy talking into a tape recorder for the book that he’s writing.
SEMI-TOUGH is written as though you’re just hanging out with Billy and his pals as he relates tales of the previous evening’s events. Billy’s partner in crime in his fun is Shake Tiller, longtime friend and teammate. The book moves so smoothly, you’ll never realize not a whole hell of lot ever happens. I mean, it goes from party to party, to the introduction of their musician pal, who comes off as a third-rate David Allan Coe.
Once we get to the Super Bowl, it’s totally passed over. Oh, it’s covered, but only after Billy talks about how Shake ran off somewhere, not to be found. Billy goes into detail the game, relaying what he can remember and its aftermath.
Jenkins gives a fun ride with these two good ol’ boys. Is it the best football book? That would be no, since it’s more about the characters than the game or even how they get prepared. But for those who want a healthy dose of raunch and so much un-PC humor, you’re going to love it. If you’ve only seen the movie, do yourself a favor and read this, since the film pretty much cuts the novel’s balls off and adds in some ridiculous subplots.
NORTH DALLAS FORTY by Peter Gent – Written by a former Dallas Cowboy back in 1973, this is probably the best sports book out there, since it pulls no punches whatsoever. It’s a brutal look at eight days in the life of wide receiver Phillip Elliot. Not only does it go into great detail of how Elliot has to take handfuls of pills just to make it through the day, it also shows how he’s struggling to keep his position, dealing with teammates and coaches who have their own agendas.
The book is broken down to each day being a section, each with tons of hell-raising and some soul-searching. Even when it looks like Phil is getting his act together, he meets a woman who just wants him for him and not the game – this is after years of sleeping with the owner’s son’s fiancée, se feels things are finally going his way.
Gent is most likely basing some of his characters on some of his former teammates. It’s pretty easy to picture Seth Maxwell in his real-life persona of Don Meredith, a good ol’ boy who never met a lady he would not turn down, no matter how kinky it would get … and it gets kinky! The coach is a no-nonsense, fire-and-brimstone type modeled after longtime Cowboys coach Tom Landry.
Where in SEMI-TOUGH, player just smoked pot, in FORTY, pot is merely one of the lesser evils; players shove handfuls of codeine down their throat before a game. Oh, the good old days of real smash-mouth football! Which brings us to a chapter no football fan should miss: the whole rundown of a game. It’s just so realistic, you’ll feel like you’re in the action.
The other great aspect of the story is showing how disposable these players are to the owners and coaches – that they are pretty much cogs in the machine, and if they start to slip, they are just replaced with something better and younger. This book has a kick-to-the-balls ending – I’m talking THE GREAT SILENCE looks like a fairy tale in comparison. Things go from bad to worse really quick in the last day, but what a ride leading up to it all. It also was made into a movie, appropriately starring Nick Nolte.
FOURTH DOWN TO DEATH by Brett Halliday – I did not plan on doing another Mike Shayne book so soon. I had planned on reading Thomas Harris’ BLACK SUNDAY to round this out, but the only part that deals with football is the climax at the end: blowing up a blimp at the big game. (I’m not ruining anything; it’s given away in the first chapter). Then I found this 1970 Shayne novel, which deals with a part of football the NFL does not like to discuss: gambling.
Shayne is called up to the home of the Miami team owners Sid and Chan Zacharias. They get the feeling that one of the players might be throwing the games for payoffs, with the last game sending their star quarterback to the hospital. But is he really injured or just faking it?
Shayne investigates a lineman who’s been meeting with some of the bent-nose bunch, and overhears a conversation they wanted to keep quiet. This leads Shayne to further queries of who might be behind the gambling and who will gain from it. There’s Chan, who seems to be chummy with the quarterback and the lineman in question. Or is it the insurance man for the team, who made a killing the previous week? Throw in an investigator for the NFL who winds up dead, and it just gets messier by the moment.
As with later Shayne books, there really is only one central mystery. The writer tries to squeeze in another, but it comes so late, it seems forced. Shayne does the great reveal at halftime, holding up the whole game in the bowels of the stadium.
It seems Shayne can do no wrong. This is a fine entry in the Shayne canon – just not one of the top-notch ones you would want to start out with, unless you get off the whole gambling aspect, which I did. But if you have no clue what a point spread is, don’t bother. You’ll be lost like you were on some island with a guy named Sawyer.
Next week: nothing on the Mensa reading list, that’s for sure. –Bruce Grossman
OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• ARMED … DANGEROUS … by Brett Halliday
• BODIES ARE WHERE YOU FIND THEM by Brett Halliday
• COUNT BACKWARDS TO ZERO by Brett Halliday
• GUILTY AS HELL by Brett Halliday
• MERMAID ON THE ROCKS by Brett Halliday
• NEVER KILL A CLIENT by Brett Halliday
• TARGET: MIKE SHAYNE by Brett Halliday
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You must read Black Sunday
I bought it recently!
Trust me Corey I’ve been meaning to read it for awhile. It just gets shuffled back into my to read pile. Maybe if I do a all Zeppelin column. Trust me on this one there have been books that have been orbiting my column for the longest time waiting to be read.
They all look great. I love the cover for Semi Tough. I enjoy anything that’s un-PC.