Finally! I got my hands on a scanner, with thanks to my landlord Jon. What this means for you, dear reader: No longer do I have to search around online for covers. This opens up a whole new world of content, since there has been a stack of books for which I could not get covers. It also means we’ve hit a real low point in this column’s storied history; just look at book numero uno if you don’t believe me.

THE BOUNTY HUNTER #1: THE DEADLIEST PROFESSION by Tiny Boyles and Hank Nuwer – Here it is, folks: the classiest book in my whole collection. When I purchased this fine tome, I knew this was bottom-of-the-barrel material. Was I far off in that assumption? In a word: nope.

The 1981 novel is a low-rent aggressor-type, based on a real character – that would be said Tiny. Our hero Tiny – that’s really him on the cover – is a hulking, 380-pound bounty hunter. He’s no religious freak like a certain TV bounty hunter with a really awful haircut. The hard case that Tiny and his crew have to bring in is a Charles Manson-esque leader of a outlaw Mormon death cult in Utah. Let that sink into your heads, people.

This is not a book to plow through willy-nilly. It’s just so over the top, you want to pace yourself. Plus, it’s so un-PC, it will make you long for the ’80s, minus the clothes, hair and awful tunes. It’s filled to the brim with graphic sex and violence, so we really need to thank the fine folks over at Playboy Publishing for this little gem. It’s well worth searching out, and I’ve already found book number two. So there’s something to look forward to.

KICK START by Douglas Rutherford – This represents another case of the cover telling a different story. From the looks of it, you think you’re going to get high-speed chases in the desert of Arizona or New Mexico. How wrong you are. What you really get is a subpar crime/reluctant-spy story from 1973 that couldn’t kick-start a Big Wheel to save its life.

Rutherford seems more impressed dropping his knowledge of motorcycles then telling a story. You know, I enjoy watching AMERICAN CHOPPER, but I sure don’t want to read a crime novel from them.

The hero’s name is Kroll – one letter away from a truly awful movie – a thief who is also a whiz at motorcycle riding. He has a heist planned with what he hope will be an airtight alibi: He plans on robbing the Eiger diamond right after he checks in for his flight. He pulls the job off with no problems, but once he lands, he’s arrested for the death of the woman he robbed.

The cops from Interpol use this to their advantage, blackmailing Kroll into stealing a canister of deadly bacteria from a chateau that’s been abandoned due to an avalanche. Of course, the only way to get there is by motorcycle.

Running counter to its title, KICK START is so slow and boring. Even when something happens original, you won’t care. It’s just cookie-cutter suspense for the gearhead set. I love how the back claims that you haven’t read anything like this since THE EIGER SANCTION. (I suppose that is true if you literally had read nothing since THE EIGER SANCTION.) THE EIGER SANCTION is really good and I loved its sequel, but this is like the crud the climbers in that series would wipe off their boots after a hard day of mountaineering.

GUILTY AS HELL by Brett Halliday – There are two types of Mike Shayne books: the ones with cover art done by Robert McGinnis (whom I’m a huge fan of) and then the ones I really love. Case in point: over to your right. I love the photo covers of the Shayne books from the ’70s, with hot chicks in various states of undress and holding guns. This is actually one of my favorites of that type, and I’ve been chomping at the bit to share it with you all.

This 1967 entry was ghostwritten by Robert Terrall, who wrote the bulk of the non-Halliday output. Here, you get your standard two different cases tied into one another, with the main one being industrial espionage – selling a paint chemical. Oh, the wacky late-’60s with their peeling paint! The other story is the setup of Shayne in a vice raid by a 17-year-old girl.

The novel plays more like a drawing-room mystery then your typical Shayne thriller, since there is a scene in which Shayne has everyone gathered in a room and gives away the whole plot. This is not one of the better Shaynes out there, but hell, I didn’t pick it up for the story! I’m so in love with the hottie in the cutoffs on the cover.

Next time: Carl Douglas was a one-hit wonder. –Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.
Discuss it in our forums.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• BODIES ARE WHERE YOU FIND THEM by Brett Halliday
• NEVER KILL A CLIENT by Brett Halliday
• TARGET: MIKE SHAYNE by Brett Halliday