The other day at the bookstore, I noticed a series of novels – not $6.99 paperbacks, but $15.00 trades – written by various WWF wrestling superstars. Now, I have a hard time believing that Kane can read, let alone write a novel.
On the flip side of that sexy coin, Vivid – the country’s premier porn studio – is releasing a series of books written (wink wink) by its stable of starlets. In this case, it’s by the very empty-headed-looking Tawny Roberts and it’s entitled PRIVATE ACCESS, which is odd, because it’s all about how most of the public has complete access to her vagina.
Written in first-person perspective, PRIVATE ACCESS portrays Tawny as a typical California girl: a blond whose perfect day consists of sunning at the beach or lounging by the pool, preferably with a well-hung lifeguard nearby. And this is basically the plot: Tawny hangs out at the beach and does a lifeguard. Or a random billionaire. Or whatever bikinied girl around her needs extra suntan lotion. And this goes on for 346 pages.
There’s some windsurfing, too.
All this aside, PRIVATE ACCESS is a surprisingly fun, ultra-sleazy easy read that really does come off like the novelization of a porno film. Imagine a Jacqueline Susann book you can masturbate to (VALLEY OF THE BALLS, maybe?). It’s not Pulitzer work, people, but it gets the (ahem) job done. –Louis Fowler
