BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Let’s Put the X in Sex

This time out, we're covering the seedier side of the publishing world: dirty books that are "for adults only." So if you're some sort of prude, come back next week, because BBB&B is working blue this week, folks – a very light shade of blue, mind you. SPACE CAPTIVE by Martin Hughes – This 1999 novel pretty much repeats the same scene over and over, telling the story of Commander Liz Hartley, in charge of a space ship fighting for the good side, until the evil pirates capture her ship and crew. From here on out, Liz is put through some very light domination and submission-type stuff. Liz is tied up constantly, and people force themselves onto her, be they male, female or even alien. This book is a low-rent PENTHOUSE Forum, with nothing really titillating that will get anyone worked up, especially compared to some of the regular spy stuff I've read. Hell, one NINJA MASTER chapter has more graphic sex than most of this book. A thin plot emerges of the pirates' need for codes to disarm her space ship so they can command it. Oh, so sci-fi and so tame and lame. If you really want something graphic, just seek out any BARONESS book you can find. They are just filled with descriptions that would make a gynecologist blush. ONE OF THE GIRLS by Richard Mezatesta – Erotic book or morality play? You make the call. Wait, I'll make the call: A predictable 1963 story that telegraphs the plot a mile away. Barbara has an abusive boyfriend and a stepdad who wants to get "close" to her. She needs to find a job and get on with her life, leaving these slobs once and for all. Her boyfriend takes her to a party at the home of a girl named Sally, who lives in the lap of luxury. There, Barbara meets all kinds of folks like Alan, this dreamy guy who seems to be a client of Sally's. What oh what could Sally be? Then there is Frank, Sally's "manager." You got it, folks, ONE OF THE GIRLS is about a girl becoming a prostitute. How daring. Actually, I can't knock the writing since it flies by so fast and with no surprises, it will never stick with me. But, yeah, Barbara goes to the dark side, being set up by Frank in her own swank apartment and taking the customers he sends along, until that Alan – on whom she has a crush – on shows. Alan berates her, calling her a whore and walks out. Wow, who did not see this coming? Barbara, for one. It's then she gives up the life of a whore to start a new career path as a waitress. Things go great for her for two weeks. She decides she might go out and have some fun, running into a creepy guy after creepy guy, until she finds a nice guy at a bar who turns all Ike Turner on her once she takes him to her apartment. After that, Barbara goes crawling back to Frank for work. Who the hell is this book for, the AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL crowd? As lurid as the cover is, you get nothing inside but a story that has been rehashed over and over. UNDERCOVER SEX by Brian Black – How about this for a quick review: false advertising. If this passed for "adults only" in the '60s, how freaking lame. This 1965 turd plays more like a soap opera then a sex novel. The main character is Tony Crispin, a professor at Ambler College who is under the belief that all women need a sexual awakening, with he being the person to bring it out. Too bad there is so little sex, and what does take place is a light-R rating, if even that. Avoid at all costs. UNDERCOVER SEX is just a waste of paper and time, and that's saying a lot for this column. I'll use it for kindling. Next time: crime in the city! –Bruce Grossman Buy it at Amazon. Discuss it in our forums.