We’re taking a break from the dark side of the street to boldly go where tons of authors have gone before: science fiction – a genre I pretty much grew up reading. But not the highbrow type of sci-fi; no, I was more into likes of Farmer and Foster. So let’s enter the unknown of our future; hopefully there will be a few beacons of hope and not just a pile of space junk.
SPACEWAYS #2: CORUNDUM’S WOMAN by John Cleve – So this one promises high adventure for adults, with a tagline on the back proclaiming that “in space, no one can hear you moan.” They also can’t hear a book being thrown against the wall countless times in disgust. Who the hell does this book appeal to? I’ve got it: the “men” who smell like bad milk and live in their parents’ basements with their box set of UFO DVDs.
This 1982 book is written so dense, you can’t make sense of anything; even after a hundred pages, you’ll still have no clue who the main character or even what the plot is. David Lynch films are easier to follow than this Philip K. Hard-on of prose. From what I could figure out – and trust me, it took some massive amounts of time – is a girl named Janja is after a man named Jonuta. Ever hear of maybe making the names a little more different so I can keep track of who’s who? I was left scratching my head a few times trying to muddle my way through this maelstrom of space debris.
Janja was sold into sex slavery – oh, the future is looking great already – and she travels on a spaceship piloted by Capt. Corundum, who stops off at every little place to sample Janja and teach her the ways of love with aliens – green-yellow ones with both types of genitalia. I’m guessing this was the selling point of this wild, sex-filled space fantasy. The truly overwritten sexual escapades are low-rent Penthouse Forum variety, with so much alliteration, you get the feeling that Cleve was getting paid by the letter.
I grabbed this book with two others of the series as a goof. Oh, it’s a goof, alright … on me. I understand that the other two novels had co-writers; hopefully their style won out in the end instead of this flowery garbage. This book made me wish I read William Shatner’s TEKWAR instead.
THE SURVIVALIST #12: THE REBELLION by Jerry Ahern – We’re all about second chances in this column. For example, my utter disdain for Jerry Ahern’s gun-porn TRACK series. However, his SURVIVALIST is just a nonstop, over-the-top actionfest, but with a few grievances for new readers jumping into the series halfway through.
See, after doing some research, it seems that the first 10 books take place after the nuclear holocaust of World War III. Those books deal with John Thomas Rourke searching for his family while battling the Russians. Then the series took a huge leap, with Rourke and his family being cryogenically frozen for 500 years while in space, only to wake up and find out the Russians are still bent on world domination. None of this information is given to you in this 1985 installment, sadly.
THE REBELLION is just mindless action. Yes, there are sequences of gun porn, but they’re not as blatant or daunting to read through. The main plot deals with Rourke and his crew of survivors making a deal with some Nazis. Yes, the Nazis have survived down in Argentina all these years. There is a bit of rebellion down there and they need Rourke’s help with freeing their leader, who is locked up with some weird device that only can be undone by a medic. Rourke goes along with the promise that the Nazis will later team up to fight off the Russians.
Feel confused? Join the club. But at least you can follow the action, and it moves so fast that you won’t regret not getting the full story. This is the type of read that will kill some time while never taxing yourself to finish it. I’ll go on record and say I would love to check out the full series, since this is pure escapist, post-apocalyptic fun.
A FISTFUL OF STRONTIUM by Jaspre Bark and Steve Lyons – I went with the space motif just so I could finally read this 2005 book. For those unfamiliar, Strontium Dog was a long-running comic strip in the English weekly 2000 AD.
Johnny Alpha is a bounty hunter for the Search and Destroy Agency, which mainly employs mutants to track down other mutants. Johnny and his partner Middenface are on the hunt for a special mutant named Kit, who has the power to morph into anyone he comes in contact with, including their powers. This takes them to a planet where mutants are the ones in charge and not prosecuted.
At least it looks like that way when our heroes arrive, but they soon find out that their prey is on the loose on the planet, already wrecking havoc – a former S/D agent who now is one of the higher-ups in the government. After making this discovery, the president of the planet wants to hire them to also take care of a rebel group who is bent on overthrowing the government.
The story is pretty much a Western in the vein of its title’s namesake, with two warring factions Johnny works like both sides of the street. There are plenty of surprises in store for Johnny, like the fact their dead friend is not who he seems to be. It’s filled with plenty of action that fueled the strip, which always played like a spaghetti Western. Since the reprints are very pricey to import, FISTFUL fills my Strontium Dog void for a while.
Next time: taking three authors’ lesser-known paths. –Bruce Grossman
OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF JERRY AHERN:
• TRACK #3: THE ARMAGEDDON CONSPIRACY by Jerry Ahern
OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF STRONTIUM DOG:
• STRONTIUM DOG: BAD TIMING by Rebecca Levene
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- BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Spillane … ‘Nuff Said!
- BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Let’s Put the X in Sex
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After reading your take on ‘Corundum’s Woman,’ I’m impressed at your willingness to admit you read it.
Heather trust me I’ve got no shame in what I read and will freely admit to it.
Actually that book The Rebellion sounds pretty cool.
“Men” who smell like bad milk? I live in my parents’ basement, but I don’t smell like bad milk. Or any kind of milk.
I think I may have read “Corundum’s oman” way back in high school. I’m not entirely certain that I finished it. When a sex filled science fiction novel is unable to hold the attention of a perpetually horny 15 year old, you know it’s bad.
Believe it or not, there were 19 of those Spaceways books. All of them are supposed to have been written by Andrew J. Offutt, though he apparently had some help on some of the later ones by other SF writers, including Jack C. Haldeman II.
You can see most if not all of the covers at
(I hope I did that right.)
I have one or two in my collection, but I confess that I’ve never read one. You’re a braver man than I.
Best
Steve
No, I didn’t do that right, but if you click on part of what I see as green print in my last comment, it will take you there.
Otherwise, without trying the fancy stuff, go to
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/c/john-cleve/
I also see that I didn’t even spell my own name right. Must have been a long long day.
Best
Steve