Letters to eBay: Hilarious Auctions, Crazy Emails, and Bongos for Grandma
Dear all would-be “funny” letter writers:
I understand you find the Internet an endless source of amusement. I understand you find it amusing to toy with people on the Internet. But what you must understand is that not everyone will be amused as you.
Case in point: Art Farkas’ LETTERS TO EBAY: HILARIOUS AUCTIONS, CRAZY EMAILS, AND BONGOS FOR GRANDMA. In this latest collection of fake letters intended to push the buttons of the recipient, the author – real name: Paul Meadors – sent inquiries to seemingly random eBay sellers, asking inane questions about items they had up for bid.
There’s nothing wrong with this premise; potential for comedy is there in spades. But the whole idea behind the faux correspondent is to be funny to the reader while appearing sincere to the target. Instead, Farkas shows all his cards. Example chosen by sheer chance: For an auction of a water balloon slingshot, Farkas writes, “Hello! I recently won a radio contest by eating 14 pounds of squid tentacles with caramel butter sauce and received a free hot air balloon ride.”
And those are just the first two sentences. Aside from “Hello!,” do you think anyone is going to fall for this? In fact, several of Farkas’ “victims” call his bluff, replying that he can’t possibly be serious and that it has to be a joke. And it is! Except that there’s no punchline.
Gabe Kaplan tried his hand at this phony-letter bit recently, and he had the same problem. It’s the same quandry that everyone trying to follow Don Novello’s lead has faced: No subtlety. And no real biting sense of humor – it’s the kind that reminds me of morning radio DJs and FAMILY GUY writers who think throwing in a pop-culture reference is the equivalent of crafting a joke. For instance, in his acknowledgments, Farkas writes, “And how could I ever forget the little people: Billy Barty, the guy who played Willow, and Mini-Me.”
Return to sender. Spam. Whatever. If your name isn’t Lazlo Toth, you’re a mere pretender.
Sincerely, –Rod Lott
Whenever the cover has to say something like “America’s Top Cyber Prankster,” and I’ve never heard of the guy, something’s up. Thousands of these books are destined for closeout stores and landfills near you, right next to Newt Gingrich’s book and all the Robert B. Parker books that don’t have Spenser and Hawk in them.
Looks and sounds terrible. Who the fuck is Art Farkas?
This makes me long for the good old days of El Chico Donkey Penises.
Check it out. When he’s not writing stupid letters, he is a fifth grade teacher. I bet he wrote his bio text too, based on how cloyingly “clever” it is…
___________
When he’s not transformed into his eBay infiltrating, cyber-prankster, alter-ego Art Farkas, Paul Meadors cultivates the young minds and the future leaders of tomorrow in the guise of a fifth grade teacher. During his early school years he was singled out by school officials as being “gifted” but strangely found himself whisked away on a yellow bus to some unknown remote location two days a week. If gifted means bouts of uncontrollable blinking, placing a leg behind his head while sitting in a classroom desk, and spending hours upon hours playing Space Invaders on his Atari 2600, then he was gifted in every sense of the word. His high school years were much in the same as evidenced by his classmates voting him the title of “Class Clown” which was no doubt locked up by the hawk calls he bellowed while perched atop the hallway lockers. Even into adulthood he managed to channel his OCD into writing eBay vendors inane and off-the-wall questions about their items, which is chronicled in the book LETTERS TO EBAY.
El Chico Donkey Penis! And its “coin purse”!
Now those were the days.