Bob Burden’s Flaming Carrot: Unacceptable Behavior

One thing you can say about most comic-book superheroes, and not just Batman: They’re nuckin’ futs.

Perhaps the most obviously deranged of the bunch is Flaming Carrot. In his usual costume of red slacks – polyester, no doubt – white shirt and purple socks under green flippers, the Carrot fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice and whatever. He’s never seen without his 6-foot mask, shaped like a carrot, with fire shooting out the top. He has no real identity, no super powers and is quite probably brain-damaged, the mental collapse stemming from having read 5,000 comic books in one sitting.

Flaming Carrot has been haunting the corners of comics shops since 1979, and has been published by a variety of companies but now finds a home with Image. The latest compilation of his tales is called BOB BURDEN’S FLAMING CARROT: UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, reprinting the first four issues of the Image series, plus a photo special.

Burden, creator of The Mystery Men – hopefully, you’ve seen the financially unsuccessful film of their adventures – has extracted the fun from surrealism, ignoring the creepy, to work with an exaggerated version of superhero reality. Thumbing through UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, you’ll find a zombie who sings third-rate but depressingly recognizable song lyrics, bizarre Pygmies, a Shakespearean actress with two heads, a baby werewolf, Michael Moore in a dog suit and, to hear the Carrot tell it, “In this issue, see pie fights, ghosts, bimbos, Sponge Boy, a lost bar of soap, and the first superhero to go through an entire adventure in his pajamas.”

The comic is black and white throughout, with spare coloring on the covers. Burden’s drawings are a step or two below slick professionalism, but they are perfect as the kind of art that would come out of a blue-collar town like the Carrot’s Iron City. In his Introduction, Brian Bolland calls Burden a “genius recluse, bon viveur, roustabout, and man-about-town.” I think he left something out, but damned if I know what.

The photo story that concludes the volume is the weakest one, replacing, as it does, photos taken a comics con for Burden’s eccentric pencils. Guest appearances by Lloyd Kaufman of Troma Films and the much-beloved Forest J. Ackerman are nice bonuses.

This is formally volume six of the Flaming Carrot compilations, but the first volumes came from Dark Horse. Hopefully, the Carrot can call Image home for awhile and Burden can settle down to turning out issues on a regular basis. America needs The Strangest Man Alive.

How badly? The book’s inside front cover repeats a panel showing the Carrot’s current girlfriend berating him as he sits serenely doing one of the things he likes best: “Pygmies are building a giant ear in the woods outside of town … your zombie’s run amok and killed a man in a dog suit … and Republicans won all the elections … but all you do is sit around popping bubble wrap?” To which the Carrot replies, “But … I like bubble wrap.”

Superman never has days like that. –Doug Bentin

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