I love that we live in a society where “douchebag” is used so freely and openly, it no longer refers to a feminine hygiene product, but that broad brand of self-absorbed jerk. You know — the guy no one should be.
Now there’s a guide dedicated to differentiating between these asses: DON’T BE THAT GUY: A COLLECTION OF 60 ANNOYING GUYS WE ALL KNOW AND WISH WE DIDN’T, written by Colin Nissan and illustrated by Sean Farrell. That subtitle rings fairly true, too, which is why the book is so pointedly funny, even when it’s juvenile.
Separated into five categories — fitness, sex, fashion, etc. — THAT GUY sets its targets on these guys: those who are way into their company softball team, who propose to the girlfriend in hot air balloons, who strike up conversations at urinals, who impersonate Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Each one gets skewered via Nissan’s open-letter approach. For example:
• for the guy who brings his own pool cue to a bar: “You better be fucking amazing at pool. I’m not talking beat-your-friends amazing. I’m talking trick-shots-with-flaming-rings amazing.”
• for the incredibly gay guys who are the last to know it: “You have a mustache. You make scones. You say, ‘You go, girl.’ You bang dudes.”
• for the guy who always has a new shitty band for you to listen to: “Have I heard of the Gracious Baboons? No, I can’t say that I have, but I’m sure you have a CD of theirs you want me to listen to. What joy do you take in scouring the nether regions of the music industry for the most obscure garbage out there? You’re 0 for 20 so far.”
Farrell pens an accurate cartoon for each, but the best entries are those with sidebars, when both get the chance to break out and lay in with even more heated fervor. So watch out, non-Amish guys with Amish beards, guys in pornos who don’t wear condoms, guys who sing along to Dave Matthews Band lyrics and fat guys who lose to skinny ones in eating competitions: You’re about to be “pwned,” as the kids of today text.
Actually, guys who use the word “pwned” without irony merit their own chapter. Sequel! —Rod Lott
