Because time isn’t always kind: economic reviews in a world full of waste!

Michael Chabon is an excellent writer. I loved THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF KAVALIER & CLAY so much that it immediately landed on my all-time top five, only to be rewarded with a well-deserved Pulitzer Prize not long after. But I’m sorry to say that his latest, GENTLEMEN OF THE ROAD, is a disappointment. Like Chabon’s recent Sherlock Holmes pastiche THE FINAL SOLUTION, it’s a slim stab at genre dabbling – the swashbuckler, in this case. And while he may capture the scenery and sorts of ne’er-do-wells who populate that realm of fiction, it commits the unforgivable sin of being boring. The title characters in this “tale of adventure” are Zelikman, as lanky as a scarecrow, and his pal/partner Amram, a Nubian horse thief. There’s swordplay, there are elephants, there’s even a hint of romance, but the sum is considerably less than its parts.

Let the DANGEROUS BOOK FOR BOYS parodies begin! Among the first is THE DANGEROUS BOOK FOR DOGS, written by “Rex & Sparky” (in actuality, five humans, many from The Onion). The book is cute, but not necessarily clever, covering all the canine how-tos like chasing cats, eating poop and playing fetch. Like the tome it spoofs, it’s written in a wry tone and illustrated with catchy little cartoons. It reminded me an old humor book about raising neurotic dogs that I retrieved from my parents’ shelf to read endless times as a kid. Back then, we owned a dog. Today, I don’t, nor do I have the desire to; I think that accounts for my lackadaisical interest.

DC Comics’ INFINITE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL #1 offers “13 tales of terror” in 72 pages, which means some installments are a little too truncated. The wraparound story has Joker, the Penguin and other inmates of Arkham Asylum sharing spooky stories. The better ones feature comely sorceress Zatanna, Robin vs. werewolves (written by actor David Arquette!?), an underwater fable with Aquaman, Superman fighting zombies (courtesy of Steve Niles), a Smallville-set manticore mystery, a ghost story with The Flash and a giant pumpkin attack with The Blue Devil. Deadman shows up, too. Other creative types include Paul Dini, Dan Abnett, Mark Waid and Ryan Sook, but the one-shot could’ve been more if it had just offered fewer stories.

With a bold cartooning style, San Francisco-based artist MariNaomi chronicles her past relationships with boys – mostly sexual – in the self-published ESTRUS COMICS. The current fifth issue opens with a remembrance of a “I’ll show you mine if…” incident with a male babysitter; when she sees his penis, rainbows and butterflies swirl about the room. Later, she plays “marriage” with boys on her street, gets disgusted administering her first blowjob (”What are those things under his balls?! Dingleberries! Can’t he reach that far when he wipes?!”), loses her virginity and gives in to butt sex. It all sounds prurient, but it’s not pornographic, and MariNaomi is too smart to not slather a layer of knowing humor on top.

I know Richard Lederer means well with THE REVENGE OF ANGUISHED ENGLISH: MORE ACCIDENTAL ASSAULTS UPON OUR LANGUAGE, but truth is, if you have e-mail, you’ve probably already read this book. It’s filled with all the kinds of “funny” things people like your dad and mine love to forward to everyone in their address book: silly signs on businesses, crazy warning labels, wacky translations, etc. If lines like “The patient states that diarrhea tends to run in his family” has you in stitches, by all means, get your REVENGE.

It’s no KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL, but Phoebe Damrosch’s SERVICE INCLUDED: FOUR-STAR SECRETS OF AN EAVESDROPPING WAITER may find favor with the foodie crowd nonetheless. It’s an inoffensive memoir about her tour of duty waiting on the hoity-toity at Per Se restaurant. The behind-the-scenes look is welcome, especially when dishing on asshole customers, but don’t look for tawdriness. One chapter opens with the author being asked by a relative, “Aren’t restaurants pretty much about cocaine and sex?” but never gets into such details. Instead, descriptions of food are the porn here. Those who perk up at phrases like “pickled pearl onions” and “shaved white truffles” are the target here.

No surprise, but chalk up another beaut anything from National Geographic with the release of PLANET OCEAN: VOYAGE TO THE HEART OF THE MARINE REALM. Written by Laurent Ballesta and Pierre Descamp, this hefty coffee-table book takes you under the sea for some truly amazing and gorgeous photographs of ocean life. Some are so detailed and in-your-face that you wonder, “How’d they get that shot?” Let’s just say I wouldn’t want to be so close to a 5-foot sea snake. Sharks, turtles, crabs, unrecognizable creatures – they’re all here, in remarkably vibrant color.

Alex Boese’s ELEPHANTS ON ACID AND OTHER BIZARRE EXPERIMENTS certainly lives up to its title, summarizing some of the craziest, most outlandish tests ever conducted in the name of science. The title comes from a 1960s incident at the Oklahoma City Zoo when researchers gave Tusko the elephant a dose of LSD to see what would happen. (He emptied his bowels and died.) Other notable undertakings include the doctor who drank vomit to prove yellow fever wasn’t contagious, counting post-coital pubic hair and a man who could bring himself to multiple orgasms (he had six before he gave up due to overheating, damn him). Boese’s obviously done his homework to find such gems, each presented in bite-sized capsules for easy digestion. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, you’ll wish you could have six orgasms. –Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.