Scouring out the weekly singles scene … in comics!

I’m really happy – if I were an imbecile, I’d be “jazzed” – at all the positive attention the first installment of SERIOUS ISSUES received. I guess the rumors are true: Positive attention whoops negative’s ass any day of the week. Except for the WEEKEND REGASM calling me a “weird kid.” How so? Because I wore an ERASERHEAD T-shirt in high school? I’d like to know!

ARMY OF DARKNESS #10 (Dynamite Entertainment) Despite Dynamite’s need for a proofreader (this issue is part three of the “Ash vs. Dracula” story arc, yet it’s labeled as part four, and, if that’s not bad enough, at one point the mag’s called ARMY OF DARKENESS), AOD is whole lotta fun, eschewing all logic in favor of a “fan fic” approach, with Ash being his one-lining, badass self, traveling through time, fighting not only Deadites, but in this arc, Dracula, werewolves and even Frankenstein. It’s everything VAN HELSING should have been. I’m looking forward to the DARKMAN VS. ARMY OF DARKNESS crossover.

BLADE #1 (Marvel) Hey, Marvel: Honestly, how hard is it to fuck up Blade? Apparently, judging from this first issue, not very. It’s starts off promisingly enough, with the bad mutha daywalker taking on a vampiric Spidey, but soon enough, that’s abandoned in favor of a tired tale about S.H.I.E.L.D. – and its supernatural branch, the Howling Commandos – being overrun by vampires. Yawn. And if that weren’t bad enough, Blade loses his leather threads and sword for a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform – talk about emasculating the black man! The immensely overrated Howard Chaykin does art duties, and not very well at that, but even that is forgivable when compared to Marc Guggenheim’s wholly unpromising start. And, as if to add insult to injury, in his letter to the reader, he tells us that if you’re a fan of the movie or of the old comics, you’re going to be sorely disappointed with this take on the character. Truer words were never spoken. Go back on that, Marc, and make it the Blade we know and love and I’ll give you another chance.

GHOST RIDER #3 (Marvel) Speaking of low expectations, here’s the newest incarnation of GHOST RIDER, just in time for the Nic Cage movie. Like BLADE, I love GR and all his supernatural elements, but they are doing absolutely nothing with the character – three issues in and he escaped Hell, went to a truck stop and now is messin’ around with Dr. Strange, in a manner that comes off like a rather played-out episode of THREE’S COMPANY. For whole pages, the two bicker back and forth: “I’m Dr. Strange!” “No, you’re not!” “Yes, I am!” Ghostie deserves so much better than this, especially with the upcoming film to piggyback off of.

HELLBLAZER #224 (Vertigo) I really want to like HELLBLAZER. I read issue after issue, but honestly, I have no idea what’s going on. Of course, I keep all that to myself because, in the comics world, HELLBLAZER is such a revered title that, if you don’t like, you’re a dumb asshole who should stick to reading ARCHIE’S PALS ’N’ GALS. So in that case, everybody read HELLBLAZER! It’s great! As the Brit John himself would say, “Pip, pip! Spit spot!”

EXILES #86 (Marvel) For the past five or so years, the one book that I have read consistently is Marvel’s alternate-universe-hopping EXILES. Sure, the artwork’s usually subpar and the storylines kinda lame, but much like that TV show SLIDERS – which also wasn’t very good – I love storylines about alternate universes and realities. The past few issues of EXILES, storywise and artwise, have been on an upswing, especially with the two-part “New Exiles” storyline wherein hundreds of alternate Wolverines are gathered into one superbeing, and it’s up to Weapon X, ORIGIN’s James, Zombie Wolverine, DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Logan and Patch to bring it down. If they can keep this pace up, this book may finally live up to my expectations. Which are low to begin with.

Next time: Stan Lee! Zombie! She-Hulk! –Louis Fowler

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