Scouring out the weekly singles scene … in comics!

It’s time for another edition of LOUIS’ SERIOUS ISSUES! Recognize, fool!

THE FOURTH HORSEMAN #1 (Fangoria Comics) This has been the first Fangoria Comics title I have been able to pick up. It seems like everywhere I go, I can find #2 of, say, ROBERT KURTZMAN’S BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE RAGE, but never a starting point. It’s a label that I have been dying to take a look at.

Finally, my luck changed with the release of THE FOURTH HORSEMAN, a prequel to the upcoming film Fangoria Films animated movie, which is, I think, about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. What this has to do with this book is kind of beyond me so far, as the fourth horseman in question seems to be a bloodthirsty Indian warrior. I’m intrigued enough to read on, but I am getting pretty sick and tired of comics – especially in the first issue – taking their sweet-ass time to clue you in as to what’s going on.

For once, can you just lay all this shit out for me and then tell a story about it? Speaking of Fangoria Comics, is it lame that I am looking forward to DEE SNIDER’S STRANGELAND: SEVEN SINS?

KISS 4K: LEGENDS NEVER DIE #1-2 (Platinum Studios) Sweet Starchild, where do I even start with this one? It’s confusing, nonsensical and appears to be going nowhere, but it’s so completely bizarre that it’s hard to not want to keep reading. Starring rock band KISS, whose members – one night at a party – discover that they are the reincarnates of Casanova, Constantine, samurai Minamoto Yoshiie and African tribal leader Shaka Zulu!

In the first issue, they take on a demon called the Unholy, while in issue two, Starchild – aka Ace – gets whisked away to the Sanctum Eroticum, where many women want to do him. Meanwhile, some writing space-being-things (I think) are plotting something. It’s so completely whacked-out that I can’t help but want to pick up the next issue – I imagine it’s why people keep watching LOST.

ARMY OF DARKNESS: FROM THE ASHES #1 (Dynamite Entertainment) Now that everyman wiseacre Ash is back from the MARVEL ZOMBIES universe, he’s landed back in his own world, except it’s in the post-apocalyptic, Deadite-controlled future. Can Ash just once get a break? Nope. His absence left the world wide-open for Evil Ash – his Deadite doppelgänger – to take over. Like all the ARMY OF DARKNESS titles, this one promises to be fun, but it’s going to be hard to top the MARVEL ZOMBIES crossover.

BATMAN/LOBO: DEADLY SERIOUS #1 (DC) I love Batman. I love Lobo. So when writer and artist Sam Keith pits both of them together in outer space against a virus that turns women into super-strong, super-violent whores, it’s pretty much a guaranteed good time for all parties. Released in a prestige format, I don’t see why this couldn’t have been one big graphic novel, but whatever. It’s a blast from start to “to be continued,” and I have never taken notice of Keith’s art before, but damn, it’s fucking stellar. Grotesque and surreal, I am very in love with it.

TRAILER PARK OF TERROR #6 (Imperium) I picked this up on a whim. It’s either from March or July (two different dates are given), and the Imperium website seems to be a mixture of outdated news and broken links, although apparently a movie based on this comic is being made right now. Which is good news, because TRAILER PARK OF TERROR is a very funny horror anthology book, skuzzy and reeking of a mixture of corpse rot and PBR breath. Our horror hostess Babs – a typical trailer-park skank – bookends the white-trash terror tales, with redneck zombies selling things on eBay and a vampire tow-truck driver as two of the highlights. It’s been impossible for me to find any back issues of this, so I hope the company gets off their collective asses and puts another issue of this out soon.

TERROR INC. #1 (Marvel MAX) Does Marvel MAX even bother to advertise anything they do besides PUNISHER? Books from this imprint just seem to pop up on newsstands without any warning or advance notice. The latest book to just magically appear is TERROR INC., based on the early ’90s Epic title that was later softened up for the regular Marvel continuity. The character of Terror is an immortal who, because his body rots and fall off, needs to constantly take others limbs and whatnot, absorbing them as his own. It’s a clever idea and this new book pits the character as an assassin-for-hire, something that works incredibly well. It’s gory, profane and – most importantly – very fun. Plus, as far as skull-headed characters go, he kinda makes Ghost Rider look like a pussy.

SUPERMAN #666 (DC) In the last installment of SERIOUS ISSUES, I negatively reviewed BATMAN #666, and DC keeps that streak going as I hated, hated, hated the 666th issue of SUPERMAN – a horribly meandering “dream” story that’s just an excuse for Supes to destroy everything, with a cameo from The Phantom Stranger. It’s all about some stupid Kryptonian demon trying to tempt the Man of Steel or some such idiocy. A total waste of … sigh … $3.99.

NEXUS #99 (Rude Dude) After a maddening hiatus, Horatio Hellpop – aka Nexus – finally makes a long-awaited return to comics, and he’s smack in the middle of assassination plots, a violent coup and the birth of his first child. As bitter enemies conspire to kill Nexus’ newborn, two warring races on the planet Ylum are on the verge of total destruction, but a distressed – and mildly depressed? – Nexus can’t be bothered with that, between pining over his wife and trying to stop poisonous hypodermics from murdering her.

Writer Mike Baron thankfully gets right to the action, with no time for catch-up. We’re plunked right in the middle of all these goings-on and it never lets up. No filler here whatsoever. Steve Rude has art duties, and his style is a beautiful return to classic comics form. It’s clean and clear and – like a George Perez or Neal Adams – a style that I miss heartily. It’s great to have Nexus back and if this first issue is any indication, it’s only going to get more kick-ass.

And please, don’t forget to pick up these perennial SERIOUS ISSUES faves:

FRIDAY THE 13th: PAMELA’S TALE #2 (WildStorm) Pamela Voorhees is not a very good parent by any means. But who am I to judge?

PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #10 (Marvel) Pun teams up with former S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Bridge to take down the Nazi-loving asshole that is Hate Monger. Plus, it’s obvious that Frank wants to be Captain America more than ever.

WORLD WAR HULK: GAMMA FILES #1 (Marvel) Do you love those OFFICIAL HANDBOOK OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE guides? Sure ya do! Who the hell don’t? Here’s the official guide to all the players (so far) in the WORLD WAR HULK saga.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: BY HIMSELF (WildStorm) Crazy-ass Sheriff Hoyt recounts his time in a Korean P.O.W. camp while he beats and tortures tonight’s dinner – which, in case you are unawares of the TCM mythos – is some dude he pulled over. Go see a movie every once in a while!

THE NEW AVENGERS/THE TRANSFORMERS #2 (Marvel/IDW) Despite having one of the ugliest covers I’ve seen in a long time, this crossover is mildly entertaining enough to see it through, as Megatron takes on the Avengers and Dr. Doom.

TERMINATOR 2: INFINITY #2 (Dynamite Entertainment) John Connor and the Terminator face off against the insane menace of the Terminator Infinity, which has got some awesome glowing plasma blades, or something to that effect. This book is really off to a fantastic start!

THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #6 (DC) The multi-dimensional, multi-universal, planet-hopping Green Lantern and Batman team-up comes to an end, complete with giant eyeball creatures and an appearance of the Challengers of the Unknown. Pick up this trade right when it comes out! –Louis Fowler

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