Scouring out the weekly singles scene … in comics!

I just got back from seeing the latest Marvel Comics movie GHOST RIDER and it made me angry. Not because the movie was bad – quite the contrary. The filmic version of GHOST RIDER is a totally fun ride that I can’t wait to take again. It’s not an overlong epic like SUPERMAN RETURNS and it doesn’t take itself seriously like an X-MEN flick; it’s a pure popcorn good time that I’m sure most people will write off as “lame.”

No, what pissed me off is that the movie version is exactly how I wanted the newest comics incarnation to turn out: a demon-possessed daredevil biker with a flaming skull for a head. How can you not make that fun? Well, with its recent series, Marvel has done a damn good job of making sure that every bit of kitsch and wackiness is zapped out in favor of faux-MAX style that is just a chore to read.

I am hoping the movie’s big box office will cause the good folks in the Marvel Bullpen to re-evaluate what they are doing with the title, dropping all the gritty nonsense and having Johnny Blaze do what he does best: ride a flaming motorcycle, whip demons with chains and occasionally team with someone oddly paired, like the Silver Surfer, Aunt May or NFL SuperPro.

DARK TOWER: THE GUNSLINGER BORN #1 (Marvel) I have never read any of the riotously popular books in Stephen King’s DARK TOWER series. I have always wanted to, but I am turned off by fantasy. And sure, we’re talking Stephen King here and not Anne McCaffrey, so that should at least buy an automatic pass for the series, but he burned me once with that EYES OF THE DRAGON nonsense.

But – at my brother’s total, rabid insistence – I decided to try out Marvel’s semi-adaptation of the series. Not knowing anything about the book – why they live on a Middle Earth-type plane of existence or why they all have guns and hawks and whatnot* – I went into this merely knowing whatever the comic told me.

And it told me that it’s actually quite good. This first issue acts as a basic introductory to the characters, as well as portraying young Roland – a gunslinger Padawan way ahead of his time – who, after happily beating his teacher, beds a couple of whores. Then his father disowns him.

Peter David’s script is dense, replying a little too much on Elvish-speak, but Jae Lee and Richard Isanove have beautifully captured the world of the gunslinger, with the art resembling the much-loved 1602.

Will it hold up? Maybe, if it can reach a middle-ground between trying to please fans of the books and new readers of the comics. If anything, this should have been done years ago as part of the Epic line.

ULTIMATE CIVIL WAR: SPIDER-HAM #1 (Marvel) First THE NEW UNIVERSE makes a comeback. And now SPIDER-HAM. What? Was DAKOTA NORTH or US-1 busy? You may recall this porcine parody from Marvel’s kid-centric Star Comics line from the mid-’80s (which I remembered getting in a pre-bagged three-pack for $1, packaged with PLANET TERRY and MADBALLS – even then I felt gypped!). Since then, he’s had a few scant appearances in WHAT THE–?!, none of them memorable.

This one-shot finds Peter Porker lamenting the loss of word balloons in comics, going on a search through dimensions with Dr. Strange (he just did the same thing for Stan Lee – is this all this guy’s good for anymore?), which is merely an excuse for splash page after splash page to gussy up the pig as other Marvel characters, such as Wolverham, Iron Ham and Deviled Ham. It’s minorly amusing.

The best part though? Sean Phillips’ final page, wherein he crafts a MARVEL ZOMBIES-style Spider-Ham. Now that’s a book I’d gladly read.

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! MONSTER MASH-UP #1 (Boom Studios) I like this recent wave of comic-remixing, wherein old, campy stories from the ‘50s are rewritten with a somewhat wacky sense of perverted humor. The best of this genre is probably the MARVEL ROMANCE REDUX series – I have actually laughed out loud while reading them, once to the point of coughing and turning red.

Somewhere in the middle is Boom Studios’ variation, in which the writers tend to go for the obvious joke, usually with homo-comedic overtones that you’ve seen a million times on any random episode of the THE KING OF QUEENS whenever two men are forced to share a hotel bed. You know the score: They wake up spooning, look at each other, immediately jump out of bed and start huff-huffing about football. That’s what most of the stories here – in this issue, focusing on old (I believe) Charlton horror-lite tales – are like.

The standout, though, is by the always-reliable Keith Giffen and his Bigfoot-romance story, which actually managed to elicit a few chuckles. But with a $3.99 cover price, it’s hard to justify just a few chuckles.

THE KWIDDEX PROTOCOL (Repercussion Comics) I picked this up at a comic shop in Austin, Texas, on the local/self-published shelf, mostly picking it out because it was a full-size book and only a dollar. Seemed like I couldn’t go wrong … and I really didn’t.

It’s just a preview of an upcoming series, but its connected stories of random people affected by the aftermath of a superhero fighting an alien menace are intriguing, making me want more. The pencils by Craig Wolden are of special note, mostly because they look like really good pencils from a Jack Chick tract – not the shoddy, cartoonish one, but the really detailed, freaky ones, like “The Last Generation” or “The Gay Blade.”

EL VALIENTE #1 (Adversary Comix) Every week, I ask the graphic gods only one request: a comic with luchadors, preferably fighting lots of monsters, robots and evil scientists. Is that too much to ask for? Is it?

My prayers have been answered with EL VALIENTE, an indie out of El Paso (I believe) that captures the spirit and feel of what a good luchador story should be. In this debut issue, our hero El Valiente (and his vato ward) take on Las Ninjas Galacticas, La Momia Robotica, Dracula and Rasputin, each page spilling over with nonstop action.

Writer Ray Ramos has a real eye for Mexploitation, never forgetting that what makes this genre fun is how over-the-top these tales tend to go, crating a larger-than-life persona for El Valiente that makes this book immensely readable, and immensely fun. This comic is the body slam to the senses I have been waiting for. –Louis Fowler

*Please, DARK TOWER geeks, do not send e-mails correcting me or explaining what’s going on. All you will do is aggravate me and make me hate the series the same way you did with LORD OF THE RINGS.

Discuss it in our forums.