Happy Halloween, everyone! This week, I’m finally tackling two “monster” books I’ve been meaning to read since the start of this column, while the third book is from an English gent who loves crabs. But, sadly, the book I’m covering deals with bats. Let’s kick things off with an old-school pulp author of note.

THE MONSTER MEN by Edgar Rice Burroughs — This is all you really need to know about this novel: Frankenstein plus Tarzan equals MONSTER MEN. That pretty much sums it up. Professor Maxon is disposing of his latest failed experiment, but we are not told what that is until a few chapters later.

Maxon and his daughter, Virginia, set off to a set of islands to start a new life, but he plans on doing more experiments in relative peace and quiet. This being Burroughs, the complete opposite happens. We have plenty of pirates and natives to deal with, and a man named Van Horn, who has eyes for Virginia.

But that’s nothing, since Maxon has finally created what he thinks is the perfect man. Being the 13th attempt, he names his creation 13. Virginia falls for this specimen, not knowing he was created by her father.

Again, this book seems like a pulp take on the Frankenstein motif, with enough jungle action to keep readers glued. It moves at a breakneck pace and gets a bit philosophical at points. Of course, since it’s from 1913, get ready for some over-the-top racism. The way the Chinese are depicted makes Mickey Rooney in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S look tame.

DOC SAVAGE: BRAND OF THE WEREWOLF by Lester Dent — Liar, liar, pants on fire! Bantam Publishing, there is no werewolf in this 1934 adventure. None! FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD had more monsters than this. Argh! The only reason to even bother with this one is the introduction of Doc Savage’s niece, Pat. That is it.

Doc and his crew trek through Canada to visit his brother at his massive estate. Trouble follows our happy group of adventurers. This time, it’s a gang of Latinos after an ivory cube, which is central to finding a lost cache of treasure. So what happens? The gang kills Doc’s brother, leaving Pat Savage to join up with her famous uncle.

But before all this, we get another set of racism — this time, it’s American Indians who bear the brunt of it. I mean, I was waiting for a line of dialogue like, “Ug, me see big silver bird in sky.” Everything is an act of frustration with this DOC.

BATS OUT OF HELL by Guy N. Smith — When will scientists ever learn that don’t screw around with nature? Especially when you work in a lab where you concoct a deadly virus, then test that virus on a group of caged bats. That is the basis for this 1978 entry in Smith’s long line of nature-gone-wild outings.

After professor Brian Newman does that, things go from bad to worse real quick. He thinks the best idea is to leave the bats in a glass cage where the virus will kill them off, but then the container breaks and the bats escape. From this point on, we are treated to bat attacks, from a family farm to a church congregation. When Newman is revealed as being responsible, locals take matters into their own hands.

I won’t ruin the payoff of the novel, but it does not end happily ever after. This is a super-quick read you should be able to plow through in no time. It really makes me want to grab some of Smith’s crab books or some works of his protégé, Garth Marenghi. —Bruce Grossman

Buy them at Amazon.