“What you pimpin’ this week, Ms. Book Whore?” you ask.
“Plenty,” she says. “You bring your money, big boy?”
You nod. She replies, “Good. Because you’re gonna need it.”
“Oh, yeah?” Your eyebrow raises in anticipaton.
“Yeah,” she says. “I can’t remember a day where the goods were as hot and plentiful as today. I’m talking, of course, about new books by Dean Koontz, Jeffery Deaver and Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child all being released on the same day.”
“Oh.”
“You bet,” she says. “Koontz has THE HUSBAND, which sounds every bit as fast-paced as last year’s VELOCITY. This one’s about a kidnapping. Deaver has THE COLD MOON, another entry in his quadraplegic criminalist Lincoln Rhyme series, and Preston and Child return to tie up the loose ends from last summer’s DANCE OF DEATH with THE BOOK OF THE DEAD.”
You nod in agreement.
“But that’s not all. Preston and Child are among the big names in THRILLER: STORIES TO KEEP YOU UP ALL NIGHT, which looks to be the suspense anthology of the year. And for more thrills, there’s Marv Wolfman’s novelization for the new movie SUPERMAN RETURNS, and Greg Rucka has PERFECT DARK: INITIAL VECTOR, an original novel based on the Xbox 360 game.”
“Wow, they make books out of video games nowadays? That’s scary.”
“Scary, huh?” the Book Whore asks – purely rhetorical, of course. “For scares, how about CANDLES BURNING, the late Michael McDowell’s unfinished novel, finished by Tabitha King, or David Seltzer’s novelization of his own script for THE OMEN, now back in print in time for the remake. Oh, and hey, are you up for a takedown?”
“And how! I was wondering when you wer–”
“Brad Thor’s TAKEDOWN, that is. It’s a terrorist thriller about a Navy SEAL. You know, someone who could wipe the floor with you.”
“That’s not very nice, Whore,” you say, before remembering something. “Wait a sec, I read about that one on BOOKGASM. They said it was pretty crazy, in a good way.”
“Speak of the devil,” she says, eyeing the guy who just walked in. “It’s Rod Lott, Mr. BOOKGASM himself. What are you doing here?”
“Oh, my lovely and talented wife has her first novel out today, THE STORK REALITY,” Rod answers with no shame. “You heard of it? By Malena Lott?”
“Isn’t that chick lit?” she hisses. “You don’t cover that on your site! It’s against your rules!”
“That’s true, and I won’t be. I just wanted to see it on the shelves. I’m very proud of her and it’s quite exciting,” Rod replies.
Ms. Book Whore dismisses him with a meow and a whip-crack. Rod shrugs his shoulders and walks away.
“Anything else?” you ask. “Like, isn’t this the part where you kill me?”
“Indeed, fool,” she says, grabbing a Mitch Albom book from the shelf and reading aloud from it, boring you to death, killing you instantly.
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Hi Rod,
I read your blog (almost) every day, and I’m still glad you got a mention in for THE STORK REALITY. It’s a fabulous book, and you definitely *should* be proud.