Joe Eszterhas is kind of a prick. But you probably already knew that.
The shaggy screenwriter behind (as we are told many, many times) hits like BASIC INSTINCT and FLASHDANCE – as well as not-so-hitty films like SHOWGIRLS and BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN: AN ALAN SMITHEE FILM – has written a book that is supposed to be about screenwriting, but instead, is nothing more than one big slamfest comprised entirely of quotes from other people or short anecdotes about disgruntled crew members pissing in Sharon Stone’s bathwater.
You’ll learn absolutely nothing about screenwriting in THE DEVIL’S GUIDE TO HOLLYWOOD: THE SCREENWRITER AS GOD, but you’ll learn that Eszterhas can’t stand William Goldman, believes that SHOWGIRLS will be the ultimate cult classic waiting to be discovered by new audiences (and soon to be a Broadway show!) and, most unsurprisingly, what a dumb whore that Marilyn Monroe was. You’ll be told many times how he received a couple million for a three-page story idea, or that Michael Ovitz is a complete asshole who deserves to be the “fucking bum” that he is.
That’s all well and good, but if you’re looking at tips for how to add spicy the tenants of lesbianism or crotch-shots into your screenplay, you’re SOL. Instead, you’ll discover that Tom Berenger is an alkie who the studios won’t work with and that Sharon Stone hated working with Billy Baldwin in SLIVER, but that Alec can ”bend her over a desk” any day.
The best part of the book though is the chapter toward the end on critics, wherein Eszterhas unleashes all his spite against these “film geeks” and “failed screenwriters” who live to only get their name on a movie poster. He rails and rails against our kind and, sure, more power to him. But you know, when reading that chapter, he seems like the kind of guy who Googles his name to see what people say about him, so I’m pretty sure that he’ll see this review and that I’ll be lambasted in his next book. And I’m sure that he’ll call me a lowly plebeian and remind me that he made $3.5 million for a shitty screenplay.
So maybe it’s a good idea that book isn’t about screenwriting. –Louis Fowler
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