Somewhere at this very moment, a guy is contemplating getting a tattoo that will stain his skin for the rest of his life. He is narrowing his choices toward the select one for permanent status. Suddenly, it hits him: “I know! A pile of shit! With flies on ‘er!”
It happens. And with alarming frequency, if one is to believe the “art” on display in Aviva Yael and P.M. Chen’s NO REGRETS: THE BEST, WORST, & MOST #$%*ING RIDICULOUS TATTOOS EVER. In frightening full color, the humor collection prints page after page after photos of truly horrendous tats that their owners should have been talked out of. (Seriously, ignore the word BEST in the title.)
That includes such gems as the Tasmanian Devil jacking off to climax, a monkey throwing steaming poo, a dolphin taking bong hits, spread butt cheeks, the SNAKES ON A PLANE logo, anal beads, ALF, a bloody tampon and — well, hey, why not? — Jesus fucking Jesus.
A great number of them are — not surprisingly — sexually explicit, drug-oriented, profanity-laden and various combinations of the three. Others are notable for the celebrities whose faces the tattooed choose to preserve on their arms and ankles: Jack Black, Phil Collins, Snoop Dogg, Bob Barker, Chuck Norris, Lance Bass, the guys from CHiPs, Dr. Phil and the Pope (getting his balls kicked, natch).
Yael and Chen make a snarky comment for each, to varying success; some are dead-on perfect and hilarious, while others fall flat or are so generic that they could apply to several photos. Comedian David Cross’ foreword fares better: “And then you have to explain that you thought it was funny (at the time) and then you have to revert to roofies if you ever want to get laid again?”
But it’s the photographs of such wrongheaded, redneck moves that make NO REGRETS one of those books you’ll want to share with all your cool friends. Because laughing at the guy who has PAC-MAN screens tattooed on both sides of his ass makes your life seem far rosier. –Rod Lott
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When I made my fund-drive goal this year, I got a tattoo that says “I (heart) KENNY G.”
I’ve got black lightning converging to a smoldering sun for an armband tat, does that count?