Here’s how little I understood BEOWULF when I had to read it in English class in junior high and again in high school: I thought the title referred to the monster, and that the monster was a wolf. Laugh all you want, but Anglo-Saxon epic poems of the 8th century aren’t the easiest things to decipher.
Luckily, Robert Zemeckis’ BEOWULF is different, and I don’t just mean because it’s animated. It’s his “no-bullshit” version of the epic poem, as he promises on the making-of documentary featured on the DVD’s extra features: “This has nothing to do with the BEOWULF you were forced to read in junior high school. It’s all about eating, drinking, killing and fornicating.”
Actually, as scripted by Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary, the movie doesn’t stray all that far from the story of its source. It’s just that it ditches much of the boring elements and amps up the saucy ones, leaving an action-oriented, sometimes ribald and unapologetically over-the-top experience. Should Beowulf really be shown punching his way out of sea monster by going through the eye? Sure, why the hell not?
Getting a CGI slimdown in the process, THE DEPARTED heavy Ray Winstone assumes the lead role of Beowulf, a hero – here, made flawed, in direct opposition to the poem – who arrives at the castle of King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) to slay the monster Grendel (Crispin Glover), a giant deformed beast from a nearby village who doesn’t like all the noise their merriment makes.
Beowulf agrees, Grendel attacks and – while stark naked and opting to use no sword – our hero kills the creature. That doesn’t sit well with his serpentine mother, who takes the form of Angelina Jolie, whose breastastic reveal sent the tongues of Internet bloggers a-wagging when the scene was leaked just prior to its theatrical release. She offers Beowulf a truce: He can say he killed her if he promises to leave her be. Because she looks like a nude Jolie, he agrees.
Women are known to change their minds, however, which results in Beowulf having to engage in the fight of his life with a huge, fire-breathing dragon. Like much of the movie, this sequence is a thrill to watch. Even when the narrative lags – and at nearly two hours, it does here and there – the visuals are something to behold. While I’ve never been a fan of motion-capture animation, BEOWULF represents a huge leap for the medium; it’s difficult to imagine Zemeckis being able to make it live-action.
While I haven’t compared, I don’t have to see the theatrical cut to know that the unrated director’s cut is the one to watch. Laden as it is with violence, gore and nudity, it makes the ages-old story more exciting and accessible (Seamus Heaney or no Seamus Heaney) than it ever has been, or could ever hope to be.
For a more trash-oriented but still vastly entertaining take, don’t overlook 1999’s BEOWULF, from ALIEN NATION director Graham Baker. It plays fast and loose with the source material, as you’d expect a straight-to-video Christopher Lambert vehicle would.
Here, the inhabitants of a big, spooky castle are under constant threat of being made a meal by a ghost demon named Grendle. Their saving grace comes in the form of visiting mysterious stranger Beowulf, played by Lambert, the HIGHLANDER refugee and graduate of the Angry Whisper School of Acting.
Beowulf has a gift of sensing danger, so he knows when the monster is near. The beast is mostly a CGI creature given a wavy effect that looks like someone dragged a big magnet across your TV screen. The fight scenes – set to a techno score by Juno Reactor – alternately ape those found in MORTAL KOMBAT, THE MATRIX and EVIL DEAD II, and Beowulf himself busts out some GYMKATA moves. Assisting Beowulf is a foxy brunette (played by Rhona Mitra of HOLLOW MAN) who has a name, but I didn’t catch it because her boobs hang out the entire film.
How faithful is it to the poem? Again, it was a chore to read, but I’m pretty sure if the castle dudes were being visited in their dreams by a horny Playboy Playmate, I would’ve remembered, and maybe even aced the test. –Rod Lott
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