Tinseltown is the land where they make movies and butcher books into movies. For better or worse, a lot of books I’ve read have been made into films. Some do a fine job bringing the page to the screen, while others just seem to be a reason to use the title and make up some ludicrous plot that has nothing to do with the book. These three books all deal in the world of moviemaking.
THE CASE OF THE BAKER STREET IRREGULARS by Anthony Boucher — I’m guessing a large portion of people who read this column caught the latest take on Sherlock Holmes, so it’s fitting our first book deals with making a Sherlock Holmes movie, which is only a reason on which to hang in-jokes and references to a variety of Holmes stories.
A writer named Worth has been hired to write a script based on the story “The Adventure of the Speckled Band.” The problem is that a group of Holmes fans — aka the Baker Street Irregulars — have nothing but issues with it, writing letters to not only the producer, but Worth himself. He’s had enough of this headache, so he figures the best way to exact revenge on the producer, who is a constant pain, is to fly out these die-hard fans to observe the production, all on the studio’s dime.
As soon as they show up, which the studio sees as a great publicity stunt, a major problem happens: Worth becomes a drunken, lecherous mess who winds up being shot by an unknown assailant. But that’s not all. Once the police arrive, the body goes missing.
The rest of the 1940 novel follows these fans trying to deduce the answer to this mystery. Each one is put through a Holmes-like adventure revealing secrets about the others. Some of the dated book gets mired in its own cleverness with all the little puzzles and ciphers. It’s only okay — not one to search out, but if you come across a copy, it’s fine. Just don’t expect much once the appeal of the Holmes mystique wears thin.
THE PENETRATOR #32: SHOWBIZ WIPEOUT by Lionel Derrick — The PENETRATOR series is one of those men’s adventure efforts that always seems to be glossed over. I have no idea why, since it was a prolific series with a decent backstory. Then I read like this 1979 one. Ghostwriter Chet Cunningham is the responsible party; he wrote all the even-numbered books in this series, so already I knew this would be a slog to get through. That’s not to say all his are chores, but this plot dragged slower than Stephen Hawking running up a hill.
There is a huge plus to anyone who gums into this series: a prologue which does a fantastic job of rehashing the series in a way that never ruins any of the previous books. Now onto the plot of this particular adventure, all based around Hollywood and agents — namely, a giant talent agency slowly taking over every actor’s career by force.
Global Talent Agency has no problem breaking arms or killing off fellow agents to get its way. The later part of that sentence is the reason Mark Hardin — aka The Penetrator — gets involved, especially when one of his former college pals who was a Hollywood agent winds up with two bullets in his head. Hardin does what he knows best: killing anyone in his way, no matter how small a part of the bigger operation they are.
So it moves into gun porn and body counts, but there are some minor surprises along the way — nothing that would surprise anyone who has read any men’s adventure books before. I mean, to find out someone Mark has sworn to protect might be working for the bad guys is such a shock … ugh. I actually like this series as a whole and this book would be fine for anyone who has never read another one, but it’s such a slow read that it makes the and reader suffer. My suggestion: Stick with all the odd-numbered adventures first.
MAC SLADE: THE TINSELTOWN MURDERS by John Blumenthal — Are you a fan of really bad jokes, sexual innuendo and racial stereotypes that make Mickey Rooney in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S look subtle? Then have I got a book for you!
From 1985, this is the second book that features the Mac Slade character and, thankfully, the last. Just like its predecessor, I knew I was only punishing myself by getting into it. But I had my reasons: It would read fast and would take less time than watching ALL ABOUT STEVE.
Our dumb-as-a-brick detective is hired by a wife of an old war buddy who moved to Hollywood. The opening chapter does more damage than I care to rehash. The quick of it is I would not lend a copy of this book to any GLAAD member. Once out in California, Mac meets stereotype after stereotype, each one more over-the-top than the next. He makes the horrible discovery of his old pal in a fridge, having been ice-picked to death.
Mac not only tries to find his friend’s killer, but deals with an escaped con looking for his former stripper girlfriend, Peaches Moskowitz. Do you get it, folks? It’s a really stupid name combined with a Jewish last name! See how clever this book can be? Wait, there is an appearance by the Chinese houseboy who can’t speak properly! Oh, the hilarity. There are more people to offend before it’s all over, piled on one after another.
Forget that the plot is as weak as a spaghetti bridge. I only have myself to blame for reading it. Again, I knew full well what a train wreck it was going to be. Thankfully, it’s the last time I — or, hopefully, anyone — will read this sad excuse for humor. For anyone who cares, I’ll ruin the book for you: twin sisters. There, I just saved you 90 minutes. —Bruce Grossman
OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF JOHN BLUMENTHAL:
• MAC SLADE: THE CASE OF THE HARDBOILED DICKS by John Blumenthal
OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF LIONEL DERRICK:
• THE PENETRATOR #6: TOKYO PURPLE by Lionel Derrick
• THE PENETRATOR #9: DODGE CITY BOMBERS by Lionel Derrick
• THE PENETRATOR #23: DIVINE DEATH by Lionel Derrick
• THE PENETRATOR #31: OKLAHOMA FIREFIGHT by Lionel Derrick
Related posts:
- BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Holidays in the Sun
- BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Reading Rainbow
- BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Sometimes Good Guys Don’t Wear White
- BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Shoot First, Think Later
- BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> Frustration
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
1. What’s with all the pink and purple covers?
2. What’s wrong with The Penetrator’s face?
3. Why all the boxes of Jell-O on the Mac Slade cover?
1. Did not realize it when the books were picked
2. That is how he looks on most covers
3. Mild Spoiler – a person is killed by jumping into a pool that is filled with lime jello instead of water.
“The Penetrator?”
Best. Title. Ever.
In light of Dick Francis’ passing, I’d love to see a BBB&B entry on him. If you’re not familiar with his work (and, man, have you been missing out if so), try Reflex, Bolt, Odds Against, Proof or the one that started it all, Dead Cert.
Mark that is one of the few authors that to be honest I’ve just never be drawn to. Don’t know why since I like going to the track. Maybe at some point down the line, but it would be a ways off since I have close to two months mapped out for the column. Including the milestone column number two hundred.
You must hate horses. Racist.
I like the greyhounds cause they are like little horses
Ah, Bruce! You’re breakin’ my heart! Never been drawn to the only person to win the Edgar for Best Mystery three times? Anyhow, to each their own, but if you’ve got a spare couple of days in your reading life and want to give him another go, Reflex or Odds Against are two I think you’d like the most (each has at least three of the four titular B’s of your series).
Also: Mad props for having the next two months mapped out. That’s some remarkable long-term planning for the blogosphere.