This week’s theme is simple: war. Books have covered this topic since the dawn of man, but this being a column covering books that, for the most part, have fallen by the wayside like so many bullet rounds, the three featured are all part of larger series. We’re featuring three types of war: One takes place during World War II, another during World War III, while the third deals with those secret wars that are staples in the men’s adventure genre. No one is going to confuse any of these with THE KILLER ANGELS, that’s for sure.
BOXER UNIT OSS #1: FRENCH ENTRAPMENT by Ned Cort — You know a better way to spend your time than reading this 1981 novel? Watch THE GUNS OF NAVARONE. Hell, who am I kidding? Even FORCE 10 FROM NAVARONE is better than this tired excuse for writing.
Take a multinational group of Army recruits, give them a code name — this one being Boxer Unit — and have them do missions no one else can, like taking out a German radar station. This story is so pedestrian and bland, most readers will have tossed it after the first 20 pages. As a bonus, this is from the publishers of the NINJA MASTER series — for those unfamiliar, think PENTHOUSE FORUM meets karate. Well, BOXER UNIT is pretty much the same, except take away “karate” and insert (heh-heh, I said “insert”) “WWII.”
All the characters are carbon copies of one another, just with different names. I swear I was waiting for all the French characters to sound like a bad Maurice Chevalier caricature. Even when there were moments of action — like this band of merry men parachuting into France — they’re written so lackadaisical, you’re like, “Did they fire guns at all?” Then there is the chance meeting with a French woman who owns a chateau and is a widow. Take a wild guess what happens — and in graphic description, no less. The story jumps around so much, I was like, “Wait, I thought they were looking for a base, not having dinner parties with the Gestapo.”
If you think I’m a might harsh, trust me, I’m being generous, since I truly felt like a chump sticking it out. It’s best left on the bottom shelf of any used bookstore that might have it. ILSA: SHE-WOLF OF THE SS was based on more facts.
THE SURVIVALIST #1: TOTAL WAR by Jerry Ahern — Wow, did this series take some truly bizarre turns later on. But this 1981 effort being the first, what I expected and what I got were two different things. First of all, yes, the book has the prerequisite of gun porn, of which Ahern has made a career. But what I did not expect was a truly gripping build-up to the start of WWIII.
It feels like a low-grade FAIL SAFE, but kept this reader glued, jumping from situation to situation, all building to when the U.S. and Russia go out in a blaze of stupidity. We actually follow multiple groups for the first two-thirds, where Ahern has a pretty brilliantly plotted story, as the President and his advisers come to grips with what is about to happen. Ahern also shows the Soviet side of things.
The war is started when Russia invades Afghanistan and Pakistan, and doesn’t back down. With its secret particle weapon, it plans on ending it all. While this is all going on, our hero of the series, one John Rourke, is just trying to get home in Atlanta to be with his family. Well, his plans get diverted when his plane is rerouted, due to the fact Atlanta has become a smoking crater.
From there, Rourke the survivalist takes on responsibility like no other. He not only lands the plane in the desert, but takes total charge of the situation. At the same time, we see his family has survived, but is attacked by bikers. The final third moves into that area of “you’ve got to be kidding me,” with Rourke coming off like like every action hero rolled into one.
ON THE BEACH, this is not. This final third sets up what is to come in the series, with Rourke heading back east to find his family. But the books truly go into wacky land quickly, with time travel and frozen people and the like. It seems Ahern had a good idea and felt as though he could milk the series for all it was worth.
KILLSQUAD #2: MISSION REVENGE by Frank Garrett — Moronic. Stupid. Inspid. Racist. These are only a few of the platitudes thrown upon this 1986 book, which, for lack of the author’s (real name: Dan Schmidt) imagination, is just a rip-off of a certain film. We’ll just call this group The Dirty Half-Dozen. I mean, were people even trying to come up with fresh ideas? Or did this just pop into Garrett’s mind: “You know what was wrong with that movie? They could have cut down the group to six.”
These armed fighters have one thing in common: They were all death-row inmates, now part of an elite fighting force funded by the CIA. Our tax dollars at work! Now, fear not if you did not read the first book in the series. The reader is caught up in the first proper chapter, where not only was that mission rehashed, but we’re re-introduced to our little group of do-gooders: a former KKK member, a bank- robbing murderer, a drug smuggler, a boxer, a German rapist and the obligatory ice-in-the-veins hitman, all led by a guy called The Hangman, who is one part Lee Marvin and all parts asshole.
This group is sent on missions with the chance they won’t be coming back alive, which is why the CIA is using the cream of death row. The mission this time deals with a whacked-out religious sex cult led by a reverend. There’s also a group of Russian agents or diplomats – Garrett can’t seem to make up his mind which. We follow the the happy-go-lucky sinister six as they attack the rev’s compound, but I could not keep track of anyone, since character development or even distinguishing differences are tossed aside.
It literally took no time to read, and was pretty much forgotten once all said and done. It’s totally un-PC, which makes it all the better, because there would be no way Garrett could get away with certain passages today, such as his references to seeing only very white teeth in the darkness. On top of that, there’s head-shakingly bad dialogue on top of passages of brutal action which would make Michael Bay’s head spin. This is one of those paperbacks which seems like it’s fun, until you’re finished and you ask, “Why did I bother?”
Next time: When Hollywood screws up, we all suffer. —Bruce Grossman
OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF JERRY AHERN:
• THE SURVIVALIST #12: THE REBELLION by Jerry Ahern
• TRACK #3: THE ARMAGEDDON CONSPIRACY by Jerry Ahern
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I can’t remember which Killsquad book I read, but, yeah, it was terrible and I haven’t picked up another one.
I also have some Kill Squad books from the ’70s about tough cops ripped off from THE MOD SQUAD.