Wanna win a copy of GRAPHIC CLASSICS: GOTHIC CLASSICS, with “five great tales of ghosts, vampires, haunted castles and forbidden love” in comic-book format? What if I said it had lesbian vampires in it? Heck, being the adapter of said tale, I’ll even autograph it for you to make it worth a bundle someday when I do something of cataclysmic noteworthiness felt the world over.
So how to win? Click on that “Comments” link just below the header above and convince me to award you. Tell me a story or a good joke. Make me smile, give me a reason to live. Share a recipe for a killer salsa or a great DVD nude scene I don’t know about. The sky’s the limit. Just be creative. I’ll pick the winner Monday, July 16.
Or sidestep the whole process and buy it at Amazon.
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Howdy,
I collect sayings. Here’s a short stack guaranteed to make your ass twitch:
Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit.
That gal’s about 3 sizes larger than a train wreck.
Any more brains and he’d be a plant.
That boy’s no stranger to a fish supper.
She’s got a face like a slapped ass.
He’s got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
How can a person be so ugly with only one head?
This thread is slicker than two eels in a bucket o’ snot.
Kind regards,
Matt
I’ve never been good at persuading people to do anything for me. I got a B in a speech class; my persuasion was about volunteering and it sucked. Anyway, I’d like to get something for free, so here is my lackluster comment.
I don’t know any jokes and I can’t cook, but I can tell you I enjoy a good read. Reading books people really don’t consider literature, has gotten me through some difficult times. Books like Neil Gaiman’s “Neverwhere”, Philip D. Dick’s “Do Androids Dream of Sheep” and Dan Simmons’ “Terror”, have helped me forget my college worries. It is so true books (great novels) can take you to another place and give you another life. Your site helps me find enjoyable books to get me through another semester. Thanks!
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.
Ba dum bum.
Hmmm. Better submit a recipe:
Here’s my award-winning radish dip, also good for tortilla chips when you get tired of killer salsa, and great with those fluted corn scoops. Because there’s vegetables in it, you can justify eating large amounts without guilt.
Radish Dip
1 8 oz. package of cream cheese, softened
1 Tbsp. lemon juice
1 bunch radishes, minced (red and pink radishes look loveliest)
1 clove garlic, minced or run through a garlic press
1 Tbsp. chopped fresh dill
Salt and pepper to taste
Few Tbsp. milk as needed
I smash everything up in my food processor but you can also just finely mince and blend everything together. Let set for at least an hour before serving to mingle flavors.
-Rachel
I’d be less than honest if I thought I had a good joke, recipe, or any of the other items suggested that might help me win. Truth is, when I saw what was being offered I immediately thought of my 10-year-old son. He loves comic books, reads them constantly. So I thought it might be a cool way to introduce him to some classic gothic tales. A good change of pace from the run-of-the-mill super heros and manga ninjas he usually reads. Lesbian vampires? Why not! I rather he learn about these kinds of thing by reading a cool story than some other way. And if he sees that it comes with an autograph from the artist, he’ll feel like the coolest kid in class. Really! So consider broadening a 10-year-old’s horizans and making him feel cool at the same time. It may not go good with tortilla chips, but it just might bring a smile to your face. And thanks for the opportunity
2 jokes.
What did one lesbian frog say to the other? We really do taste like chicken!
Why did the co-joined twins move to London? The other one wanted to drive.
Ok, ok, here is a 3rd.
3 blondes were in a bar celebrating with several rounds of drinks-with cheers of 17 DAYS!All right! Whoo hoo!!! The Bartender came over with the next round and asked what was the party all about. The girls piped up with, “Our boyfriends bet us we couldn’t put a certain puzzle together. But we sure showd them. We did it in 17 days.” “Wow said Barkeep, that must have been really hard.” “Heck yah!” was the reply. “The box said 2-4 years”.
Should I be ashamed or what? Emma Watson (Hermione Granger from Harry Potter movies) was on Letterman and I saw her panties.
Sad but true.
Troy
Okay, speaking of Hermione, I’ll go one better and send along this link to a “Harry Potter” sketch on SNL a few years back that still makes milk come out of my nose:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/149172/harry_potter_sexy_version/
BTW, love your website.
Pincus was the best ribbon salesman in New York. He sold to Woolworth’s, Gimbels, B. Altman’s, everywhere. But he could never sell to Macy’s. The ribbon buyer refused to change ribbon suppliers, but Pincus kept badgering him until, finally, one day, the buyer says, “Pincus, I need a piece of ribbon exactly two and six-sixteenths inches wide, of the exact red of a perfect sunset, with a texture like a baby’s behind, and as long as from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis. I need it tomorrow by noon. Find it for me and from now on, I’ll buy all my ribbon from you.” Pincus agrees to the terms and off he goes.
The next day, at exactly noon, the phone in the buyer’s office rings and it’s Pincus. “I got your ribbon,” he says. “Meet me outside.” So outside the buyer goes and there’s Pincus…with ten big trucks full of ribbon!
“Pincus,” the buyer says, “the width is dead-on, the color is absolutely perfect, the texture so soft you could cry. But, Pincus, I said I wanted a piece only as long as from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis!”
“So?” says Pincus. “The tip of my penis is back in Poland!”
A flickr pic of my cat for you