While not all of the following books are considered pornographic per se, each one on this list launched waves of controversy upon initial release because of its sexual subject matter. But this list isn’t a typical compilation of “banned” or “controversial” books — instead of Henry Miller’s TROPIC OF CANCER, we went for a dirtier, lesser-known novel of his; instead of Marquis de Sade, we opted for the more obscure erotica of French philosopher Georges Bataille. This list has eschewed the popular in favor of the subversive; the literary canon in favor of books that broke social norms. Enjoy the scandal and seduction in the following sexy must-reads.

1. UNDER THE ROOFS OF PARIS by Henry Miller — UNDER THE ROOFS OF PARIS, although similar in subject matter to Miller’s better-known TROPIC OF CANCER, recounts the story of Albert, a Parisian street singer who’s framed for a theft he didn’t commit, and falls for Pola, a Romanian girl who also attracts two other men.

Here’s an excerpt: “The whore sits shaking her legs … Such a child, such a child, she says … these things should be forbidden by law. But she watches every move eagerly. In her trade, one can’t afford to feel excitement, whores live only when they’ve learned to sell their cunts and not their passions … but I can see emotion coming into her body, her voice is already thick with it.”

2. THE GINGER MAN by J.P. Donleavy — This somewhat little-known book was overshadowed by other banned books publishable only in Paris, like TROPIC OF CANCER. Donleavy, an American expatriate living in Ireland, weaves a semi-autobiographical tale of an American student’s drunken sexual exploits in Dublin.

An excerpt from the book reads, “In my heart I know she isn’t a virgin, but perhaps childless with pink buds for nipples or even if they’re sucked and dark, I don’t mind. Wears a green scarf around her nice neck. Necks should be white and long with a blue nervous vein twitching the nervousness of life in general. My good gracious savior, she’s looking over here. Hide? What am I? A scoundrel, a sneak?”

3. POST OFFICE by Charles Bukowski — Written by the veritable king of ribald humor, POST OFFICE narrates the misadventures of a mail carrier, based on the author’s experience working for the USPS.

Here are a couple of quotables from the book:
• “But now and then, a woman walks up, full blossom, a woman just bursting out of her dress … a sex creature, a curse, the end of it all.”
• “After dinner or lunch or whatever it was — with my crazy 12-hour night I was no longer sure what was what — I said, ‘Look, baby, I’m sorry, but don’t you realize that this job is driving me crazy? Look, let’s give it up. Let’s just lay around and make love and take walks and talk a little … Let’s have friends. Let’s laugh. This kind of life like everybody else’s kind of life: it’s killing us.’”

4. DELTA OF VENUS by Anaïs Nin — Anaïs Nin, famous as much for her female erotica as for her friendship and affair with Henry Miller, broke boundaries when she wrote and published DELTA OF VENUS. The work is a collection of short stories that deals with several different sexual themes.

In the first story, “The Hungarian Adventurer,” Nin writes, “The titillation almost deprived men of their senses. The elasticity of her hands, the variety of rhythms; the change of the hand grip from the entire penis to the lightest touch of the tip of it, from firm kneading of all parts to the lightest teasing of the hair around it — all this by an exceptionally beautiful and voluptuous woman while the attention of the public was turned to the stage.”

5. BAD BEHAVIOR by Mary Gaitskill — Mary Gaitskill’s edgy fiction draws upon the author’s own personal experiences as a stripper and a call girl. BAD BEHAVIOR is her debut collection of short stories that launched her career as a critically acclaimed fiction writer.

In the story “Romantic Weekend,” Gaitskill recounts a sexual affair gone awry. The two lovers have the following conversation:
“I would do anything for you.”
“You would not. You would be disgusted.”
“Disgusted by what?”
“You’d be disgusted if I even told you.”

6. STORY OF O by Anne Desclos — Desclos, a French literary critic from the 1950s, published this groundbreaking erotic book under the pen name Pauline Reage. In fact, Desclos did not reveal her identity until 40 years after it was published, shortly before her death.

She started writing the book after responding to a wager that her boyfriend proposed. He said that a woman couldn’t write an erotic book, and she proved him wrong. Although very controversial, STORY OF O was enormously popular in France when it was first published.

The book deals graphically with sadomasochistic themes: “As he walked, the robe flared open at the waist, and you could see that he was wearing some sort of tights which covered his legs and thighs but left his sex exposed. It was the sex that O saw first, then the whip, made of leather thongs, that was stuck in his belt … finally she noticed the black kid gloves he was wearing.”

7. NAOMI by Junichiro Tanizaki — Although not nearly as graphic as the other books on this list, Tanizaki’s NAOMI essentially helped launch a sexual revolution in Japan that coincided roughly with the “Flapper” era in America. NAMOI tells the story of a rich man, Joji, who’s obsessed with finding a Westernized, independent woman. He finds his inspiration in Naomi, a “Caucasian”-looking woman, and takes her in to Westernize her, paying for English and dancing lessons. Even though Joji begins as the dominant partner, eventually his plan backfires, and Naomi begins to manipulate him.

Published serially in 1926, the book was an expression of the growing independence of women, and after its publication, any woman in Japan who took on the character’s strong attitude was labeled a “Naomi.”

In his introduction, Tanizaki talks about Western cultural influence and his work: “The influence that Western literature has exerted on us has taken many forms, without any question. One of the most important, in my view, has been the ‘emancipation of love,’ or, to take it one step further, ‘the emancipation of sexual desire.’”

8. STORY OF THE EYE by George Bataille — Often compared to the more famous Marquis de Sade’s work, French philosopher Bataille’s astonishingly twisted novella was published in 1928. It recounts the story of a pair of teenagers who become embroiled in increasingly bizarre sexual perversions. Both feminist writer Susan Sontag and literary critic Roland Barthes salvaged Bataille’s work from being considered mere pornography in their re-evaluation of his output decades later.

About the book, existential philosopher Jon Paul Sartre wrote, “Bataille denudes himself, exposes himself, his exhibitionism aims at destroying all literature. He has a holocaust of words. The tale speaks about man’s condition, not his nature. His tone recalls the scornful aggressiveness of the surrealist. The tale has survived the death of God. In him, reality is conflict.”

Since most of the book is perhaps too extreme and graphic to quote, here’s one of its few innocuous quotes: “Thus a love life started between the girl and myself, and it was so intimate and so driven that we could hardly let a week go by without meeting. And yet we virtually never talked about it.” —Alvina Lopez

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Alvina Lopez, writes on the topics of accredited online college. She welcomes your comments at her e-mail alvina.lopez@gmail.com.

Now collected in hardcover, just in time for the feature-film adaptation, KICK-ASS is an adult-oriented comic that lives up to both its title and its hype. In terms of WTF moments and outrageous humor, Mark Millar out-WANTEDs WANTED with this superhero spoof.

The premise is that socially invisible teen Dave Lizewski wonders why no one in real life has ever dressed up to become a superhero like those in his beloved comic books. Out of sheer boredom, he orders a wetsuit on eBay and transforms himself into the do-gooder eventually known as Kick-Ass.

But first, he gets his ass royally kicked, and then hit by a car, landing him in the hospital for an extended stay and three metal plates in his head. The additions turn out to serve him well when he again dons his costume to fight crime, because he can take more blows to the noggin — 85 percent numbness and all.

The downside is that during his hiatus, Kick-Ass is no longer a novelty. There are a few other heroes on the scene, like the über-rich kid Red Mist, who cruises the streets listening to Danny Elfman scores, and most notably, Hit-Girl. Even though she’s only 10 and 1/4 years old, she’s quite stabby with the swords — an absolute lethal weapon. As Kick-Ass recalls, “She was like John Rambo meets Polly Pocket. Dakota Fanning crossed with DEATH WISH 4.”

As Kick-Ass teams up with them to take down a local mobster, KICK-ASS takes some dark twists and turns for which even the more outrageous scenes heretofore may not prepare you. As anyone familiar with WANTED knows, Millar likes to shock. I don’t think he does it just because he can, but because his material is written strictly in the spirit of doing so; some of them are designed to make you laugh, while others to make you squirm.

The gore goes down goofier with John Romita Jr. drawing it. Whereas J.G. Jones’ art in WANTED made the proceedings ugly, as if you wanted to shower afterward, there are panels when KICK-ASS looks like Romita is channeling MAD magazine’s Jack Davis. The whole thing is, yes, a comedy, and a rollicking, raunchy one at that. It’s big and cinematic, as if Millar already did the work for the screenwriters. If they followed it closely, they’ll have an instant cult classic on their hands.

Judging from Millar’s account of both the film and its source material, KICK ASS: CREATING THE COMIC, MAKING THE MOVIE, that’s going to be the case. From Titan Publishing, the book covers only a little about the “creating” and a whole lot about the “making.” I’m not complaining, as at least the book goes a long way in comparing the differences — slight tweaks, mostly — between the two.

Titan issues a lot of these filmmaking tie-ins: big, splashy and full of vibrant colors. This one’s no different, except that Millar wrote it himself, rather than a for-hire author, and his enthusiasm for the project bleeds over every spread. It’s interesting to note that director Matthew Vaughn wanted to make the movie before the first issue even existed beyond script form, which is a testament to Millar putting it all the page and not holding back. The quotes, comments and photos in MAKING THE MOVIE suggest Vaughn’s not holding back, either. —Rod Lott

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Apparently, Phillip Margolin couldn’t make up his mind if FUGITIVE should follow the adventures of a conniving Lothario across two continents, or focus on the legal challenges of defending this same character in a murder trial here in the U.S. So he decided it should be both, and then some. And the result is an overly long, unfocused mess.

The con man is Charlie Marsh, serving time in prison for tax fraud. But when he foils a prison break, freeing hostages and nearly getting killed himself, he becomes a hero. Marsh claims he experienced a spiritual epiphany during the attempted break, and writes a best-selling book that he soon transforms into popular self-help seminars held across the country. At one of them, he begins an affair with the wife of a U.S. congressman and is later accused of murdering the husband.

To avoid the murder trial, Marsh flees to the extradition-proof African country of Batanga, where he is protected by its sadistic dictator, Jean-Claude Baptiste. Marsh still hasn’t learned to keep his zipper up, and begins an affair with Baptiste’s beautiful wife. It isn’t long before Baptiste discovers it, and demonstrates the way he tortured and killed spouse. Knowing now that his own death is eminent, Marsh convinces an American tabloid publisher to finance his escape from Batanga and fund his murder trial back in the U.S., which he figures is the more tolerable of his fates.

The publisher hires noted criminal lawyer — and protagonist of three previous Margolin novels — Amanda Jaffe to defend Marsh. Along with all the complication this sensational case brings, Jaffe soon discovers that one of Baptiste’s lieutenants has been dispatched to America to capture Marsh, and that there are others who would kill to keep the truth of the congressman’s murder secret.

You realize how lopsided Margolin’s narrative is when you find that Jaffe, his series star, doesn’t make her truly active appearance until about 100 pages into it. But even then, Margolin holds off and instead presents several pages of backstory about a previous trial involving the congressman’s wife that was handled by Jaffe’s father. It’s at this point that you wonder exactly who and what the hell FUGITIVE is all about.

Perhaps knowing he has an impossible amount of ground to cover, the author desperately tries to keep the pace quick and the action moving. But he ends up glossing over many sequences and resorting to a prose style that is flat and so corny at times that it produces painful groans.

If FUGITIVE was Margolin’s attempt to prove himself as more than just a legal-thriller writer, then he unfortunately fell flat on his face. The courtroom and legal offices are obviously where he belongs. —Alan Cranis

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Who’s up for a trip to the farm? The Body Farm, that is! On March 23, Jefferson Bass return with THE BONE THIEF, the latest slice of forensic fiction featuring anthropologist/crimebuster Dr. Bill Brockton.

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A few years after DC Comics invited indie cartoonists to poke fun at its stable of superheroes in BIZARRO COMICS and its sequel, BIZARRO WORLD, Marvel gets into the act with the brilliantly subversive STRANGE TALES. The result is a sure bet for the year’s most fun comics collection.

Paul Pope’s Inhumans adventure is continually interrupted by big dog Lockjaw’s desire to be fed. In a purposely overly cute style à la Hello Kitty, Junko Minzuno imagines Spider-Man depressed while living in an all-spider town, because his powers are no longer special. Dash Shaw’s psychedelic “Dr. Strange vs. Nightmare” pits the sorcerer against perhaps his greatest foe yet: the overwheming desire to yawn.

Fighting, multicolored Hulks proves funnier in the hands of James Kolchaka, especially when he’s not afraid to contribute dialogue like “Dwee!,” “Mmf!” and, best of all, the angry “BLARG!” Meanwhile, Johnny Ryan casts The Punisher in “Scared Smart,” in which the well-armed vigilante is hired to keep a teenager off video games and in his studies. It comes complete with a sitcom-ready ending.

That testy Sub-Mariner is “Fed Up with Man” in Michael Kupperman’s strip, rife with hilarious non-sequitur utterings like “Yet they make such delicious pizza!” Nicholas Gurewitch brings his PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP sensibilities to the House of Ideas, including a Wolverine love triangle that made me laugh out loud.

Only Tony Millionaire could pit Iron Man against enemies like Baloney-Head and Liver-wurst Face. (Well, okay, a kid could, too, but only Millionaire could make it worth reading.) Jim Rugg and Brian Maruca recast Brother Voodoo as a blaxploitation hero in the drug-fueled “Death Rides a Five-Dollar Bag!,” which is appropriately yellowed and off-register to resemble a decades-old comic book. (One assumes having the villain look exactly like Chuck Norris can’t be coincidental, either.)

Jhonen Vasquez contributes one of the more twisted pieces in “M.O.D.O.K. and Me,” a parody of umpteen kids’ movies in which a tot befriends an alien. Only this time, the alien kills the kid and doesn’t realize it, even after the swarms of flies appear. In two separate stories, RED MEAT’s Max Cannon rewrites the histories of Spider-Man and The Fantastic Four, with the latter more entertaining and called “The Unfortunate Three.”

If you like Matt Kindt’s SUPER SPY graphic novel, you’re really going to dig his Black Widow adventure here, because with the exception of full color, it looks and feels like a lost chapter from that acclaimed anthology. Stan Sakai turns Hulk into a samurai tale, and it’s followed by one of two selections that didn’t work for me at all: Corey Lewis’ “Longshot!” Although quite colorful, it’s also quite annoying. (The other, and worse, is Chris Chua’s “Cupcake,” which is such a mess, I can’t even decipher what heroes it features. Really, it looks like doodles from a serial killer’s notebook.)

The great Jeffrey Brown has great fun with “Fantastic Fool’s Day,” in which members of The Fantastic Four use their powers to pull pranks on an unsuspecting populace. Kupperman returns for “Let’s Fight,” in which The Avengers do just that, seemingly so the writer/artist can make a punchline that will play like gangbusters for anyone who read Marvel Comics growing up in the 1970s.

As if all that — and more I didn’t even mention — weren’t enough, STRANGE TALES closes with two complete one-shots from Peter Bagge: 2002’s THE MEGALOMANIACAL SPIDER-MAN and its long-shelved sequel, THE INCORRIGIBLE HULK. As much of a fan favorite as Bagge’s Spidey saga is, the Hulk one is faster and funnier. It’s a shame it’s been unseen for so long, but kudos to Marvel to having the foresight to resurrect it and its rare brother for this collection.

Of course, some fanboy purists may not appreciate seeing their beloved heroes savaged by alternative cartoonists, to which we say two things:
1) Lighten up!
2) Marvel has been making fun of itself since the late-’60s days of NOT BRAND ECCH. Now there’s something that we’re dying to see collected … —Rod Lott

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When you see the names Lee Child and James Patterson being bandied about as blurbs on a book cover, you sort of know what kind of novel it will be: one with a lone hero, like a former government agent who plays by his own rules. It seems to be a subgenre all its own in most modern thrillers, so I was a bit hesitant going into THE BRICKLAYER, the debut novel from a former FBI agent writing under the pseudonym of Noah Boyd.

Right away, this book stands as a breath of fresh air. In what’s obviously meant to be the start of a series, we’re introduced to protagonist Steve Vail at a bank robbery. While a SWAT team waits outside, Vail takes justice into his own hands, then leaves the scene to avoid any sort of credit. Right away, you get the sense that Vail is not a man to be reckoned with, and it shines throughout the book.

The main plot deals with the FBI being blackmailed into making large cash payoffs to some sort of criminal cell. The main problem is this cell takes no prisoners and suffers no fools, in the sense the payoffs are done in a way where the agent who ends up with the job does not come back alive. With each payoff getting more complex, Vail is coerced into coming back to work for the FBI to search for what seems to be a rogue agent who might be behind the whole enterprise.

Vail is teamed up with a female FBI higher-up named Kate and is given carte blanche to handle the case as he sees fit. The rapport between Vail and Kate is on par with some of the great literary couplings, where the sexual tension is throughout, but never done for titillation.

Boyd really hits continuously, with great ideas. Tthe bad guys of BRICKLAYER are truly on the level of evil-genius types. There is a sense Boyd might be using some of his own case histories for some of these traps. This being a debut novel, there are a few bad notes — nothing major to throw readers into a tizzy, but one or two clichés that should be retired completely.

Still, it’s a total page-turner and the reveals stay completely hidden until Boyd wants the reader to know what’s going on. Not only does THE BRICKLAYER introduce us to a new and extremely likable character in Vail, but a new voice in Boyd, who gives some new life to this genre. Mark me down as patiently waiting for the followup. —Bruce Grossman

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In ALICE IN WONDERLAND AND PHILOSOPHY: CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER, editor Richard Brian Davis examines the compelling issues behind Lewis Carroll’s classic. It’s part of the Blackwell Philosophy and Pop Culture series, and here’s the introduction. Read me: 


“You take the blue pill,” Morpheus says to Neo in THE MATRIX, “and the story ends . . . . You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” It’s a tempting offer, isn’t it? For at one time or another in our lives, we’ve all wanted to escape — from a dull and tedious job, an impossible relationship, from a world in which we often have so little control over what happens to us. Perhaps it’s for reasons such as these that our culture has become positively obsessed with the idea of transcending the confines of this world for the cool fresh air of another. Whether it’s by a red pill, a secret wardrobe, a looking glass, or a rabbit-hole, it doesn’t really matter. We’ll take it.

Of course, we don’t just want to know how deep the rabbit-hole goes. That’s a given; after all, it’s a portal to another world — “four thousand miles down, I think.” We also want to know how to make sense of what we discover when we suddenly land “thump! thump!” in Wonderland and pass through the looking glass. And Alice’s Wonderland is an oh! so curious place filled with both dangers and delights. Here we encounter blue caterpillars who smoke hookahs, babies who turn into pigs, cats whose grins remain after their heads have faded away, and a Mad Hatter who speaks to Time. There is a White Queen who lives backward and remembers forward, and there are trials in which the sentence is handed down first with the evidence and verdict given out only afterward. And you’d better be on your best behavior while there. As the Red Queen sees it, beheading is a punishment that fits every crime!

We’ve spoken of Wonderland’s dangers, but what of its delights? Why should anyone want to travel to such a world? As Cheshire Puss tells Alice, you must be mad “or you wouldn’t have come here.” Is Wonderland simply a land of sheer nonsense, or is there a method to Lewis Carroll’s madness? Well, as the Duchess wisely observes, “Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” And the moral of the book you now hold in your hands is that there are deep philosophical riches to be had in ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND and THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS, answers to life’s ultimate questions, if only you have the proper guide.

You don’t have to be blue, a caterpillar, or under the effects of the hookah to ask a deep question like “Who in the world am I?” As Alice says, “That’s the great puzzle!” Indeed it is. How can I know whether this or that job is right for me, if I don’t know who me is? Indeed, how can I know what I can become in the future? (Hardly any of us, I dare say, is satisfied with who we are at present.) And to know the answers to these questions, I must know who I have been. I must remember. But that’s often my problem: I forget. What to do? What to do? The Alice-addicted philosophers in this book will clear the air of the hookah smoke and forward you the decryption codes for unlocking your personal identity. And you’ll be glad they did.

As you read on, you’ll be amazed to discover why nice girls don’t make history (and Alice is better than any Disney princess); what the Red Queen can teach us about nuclear strategy; whether we should do more with mushrooms than just eat them (and what sort of “trip” to expect if we do); and how Alice, procrastination, and the Spice Girls are all mysteriously connected. “What a curious feeling!” You can put it all together for the first time. So “Read Me.” Venture to taste this book, and if “finding it very nice,” we recommend that you “very soon finish it off.” —Richard Brian Davis

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We could easily spend this entire page arguing if ABLE ONE, the latest from the ever-reliable Ben Bova, is science fiction or a techno-thriller using slightly extrapolated hardware. It’s a bit of both, actually. But, bottom line: It is one of the most suspenseful, insightful, can’t-put-it-down-for-long novels you are likely to read this year.

A seemingly typical day goes wrong when truck drivers and other commuters notice that their GPS devices are suddenly no longer working. Then, TV and radio stations find themselves off the air. Most phone lines and, yes, even the Internet is down. Before long, the heads of state discover that damned near every source of electronic communication is no longer working, and global commerce is brought to a near-total standstill.

NORAD headquarters traces the source of the breakdown to a nuclear missile that exploded in space, destroying the world’s satellites. The missile belongs to a rogue North Korean faction, but the surviving intel reveals that there are at two additional ones being readied for launch from the same site. In the Situation Room in Washington, D.C., the president and military commanders conclude that the dismantling of the communication satellites was an apparent first strike, and the world is suddenly poised for thermonuclear war.
 
The United States’ only means of defense from the threatening missiles is ABL-1, or Able One, a modified 747 jet plane fitted with a high-powered laser gun intended to knock out missiles in flight. But the system has not been fully tested. In fact, it was due to make a trial run with a minimally experienced flight crew and a group of scientists and technicians.
 
Among those slated for the test run is Harry Hartunian, chief designer of the Able One project. He has a lot riding on the project, as a previous experiment resulted in a huge explosion that resulted in the death of his close colleague, and nearly Harry as well. But now his career — and, indeed, the fate of the entire company that built the project — rests on the results of this run.

But nobody expected it to suddenly become an actual defense mission. Now, Harry, his fellow laser technicians and the skeletal fight crew are faced with the task of possibly preventing the onset of World War III.

A story like this obviously requires no small amount of background on the technology that is involved and relied upon. Bova knows this and dutifully obliges. He knows how jets, missiles and lasers operate.
 
But more importantly, he also knows how fiction operates. What sets ABLE ONE apart from similar techno-thrillers is not the hardware, but the human dramas that envelop and drive the narrative from start to finish. We come to know Harry and the devotion he has for his research and his job — and how it cost him his marriage and nearly his life. We also get to know Col. Karen Christopher, the pilot of the 747, and how her once-promising military career was derailed.

In perhaps some of the most memorable and downright scariest scenes of the novel, we learn of the many and various petty jealousies, prejudices, affairs and assumptions within the men and women of political and military authority who run the entire show while Able One carries out its mission in the air.

ABLE ONE is another milestone in Bova’s prolific and distinguished career of milestones. Do not allow yourself to miss this one. —Alan Cranis

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THE BEST AMERICAN MYSTERY STORIES 2009 is a pretty solid anthology of short stories, only some of which are true “mystery stories.” The problem with this volume, for readers who actually expect a book with the term “mystery stories” in the title to be comprised entirely of such, is that fewer than half of its 20 tales originally saw print in publications devoted to the crime genre. Few of us in the mood for a mystery are going to pick up THE NEW YORKER or THE VIRGINIA QUARTERLY REVIEW.

And when you figure in that guest editor Jeffery Deaver is one of the trickiest crime writers in the short form at work today — if you’ve never read his short stories, or those of Peter Lovesey, you should — this volume becomes even weaker. (Note: I know that Lovesey is a Brit and so could not be included in a book of American mystery stories. I’ve met the man, heard him speak. Very British.)

Maybe I’m way off-base here and even a tangential connection to crime qualifies a story these days to be a “mystery,” but look at something like Tom Bissell’s “My Interview with the Avenger,” in which a writer meets a masked superhero vigilante type late at night. This is a conversation, a one-set, one-act play, maybe. Chekovian. All character and no plot. N.J. Ayres’ “Rust” is about the private life of cops but again, the mystery element is not dominant.

Maybe I’m being too much of a purist, too strictly bound by genre definitions. Crime stories are about crime, but not necessarily just about the whodunit aspect. They put the emphasis on psychology and motivation. Mystery stories are another breed of cat entirely, concerned as they are with puzzles and action.

But the stories in this year’s collection — the 13th of the series — are all fine fictions, including tales of both types by James Lee Burke, Michael Connelly, Clark Howard, Alice Munro, Joyce Carol Oates and 15 others. I wish Deaver had been less modest and included a yarn of his own, but maybe there’s an editorial rule against that. I also would have liked for his introduction to have been longer than seven pages. Yes, he’s that good — even his intros are entertaining.

Also, I could have given up Ron Carlson’s “Beanball,” with it baseball background — not for lack of quality, but because it’s really a novelette and Deaver could have pitched in three more stories in its place.

Kristine Kathryn Rusch tosses a bone — and a right tasty one — to fanciers of historical crime stories with “G-Men,” featuring Robert Kennedy and the ever-smug J. Edgar Hoover.

Go into this volume knowing what to expect and you won’t be disappointed. The quality of the fiction is high, but the stories frequently go beyond what you may think of when you think of “mystery.” If you’re not a genre purist, you will be most pleased. —Doug Bentin

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• THE BODIES LEFT BEHIND by Jeffery Deaver
• THE BROKEN WINDOW by Jeffery Deaver
• MANHATTAN IS MY BEAT by Jeffery Deaver
• MORE TWISTED: COLLECTED STORIES, VOL. II by Jeffery Deaver
• ROADSIDE CROSSES by Jeffery Deaver

A food motif is what connects the books this week, because what I really love when I go out for dinner is the sight of a fixin’s bar, which means good eatin’. No shock, but I’ve covered all three authors before, today giving us a crime team, a cowboy and, to bring things to a boil, a seriocomic political read.

MISSIONARY STEW by Ross Thomas — This 1983 novel shows its age, especially since it’s all set around the elections of 1984. It focuses on two men, one of whom is political spin doctor Draper Haere, who is trying to get his current client, the governor-elect of California, a stronger toehold into the presidential race. It seems Haere might have stumbled onto an incident that could cause the current president a problem.

Enter investigative journalist Morgan Citron, who has hit hard times. As we meet him, he’s leaving an African prison after 13 months. Haere hires Citron to dig even deeper, no matter the problems it might dredge up. Those problems usually end up with dead bodies.

The story is extremely complex and filled with characters who seem to have escaped the world of Elmore Leonard. This book is one you’re either going to hate or buy into and enjoy the long line of whack jobs. There’s even a character named Hallmark, who is sent to take care of a situation when you want the job done by the very best. Or there is Citron’s new lady friend, Velvetta — yes, like the cheese product. We find out her family, after striking it rich, wanted to change it to Brie. Then add in your requisite Banana Republic army generals and you got yourself a fun bunch.

It’s more these secondary people who kept me going, but other readers will give up early on, since Thomas jumps around the two leads’ lives so much that sometimes you might want a scorecard to keep track. But I’m guessing that’s the whole point: Things are so engrossed and complex, he is poking fun at the whole idea of a political thriller. I mean, talk about convoluted plotting, but there is plenty of humor.

A word of warning: If anyone ever offers you a bowl of the title stew, refuse. Unless you think the diet of Idi Amin sounds tempting.

PASS THE GRAVY by A.A. Fair — A comfy blanket of a read is how one could describe the Cool & Lam series, from the mind of Perry Mason creator Erle Stanley Gardner, writing under his occasional pen name. They give the reader a warm glow that things will all work out in the end, and that you will have a pleasant reading experience all the while.

The bulk of this series is told through the eyes of Donald Lam, a former lawyer, now a detective, who is partners with a brash and business-first woman named Bertha Cool. This 1961 one has two cases at its center and, not to really give anything away really, but of course, they are connected.

We find Donald doing his white-knight routine after Bertha tosses out a would-be client, as she’s not one to take on charity cases. This young lady, Sandra Eden, is in desperate need for the agency to find her missing uncle, who is about to come into a large amount of money, due to a trust fund. The main reason for her worry is that her uncle goes on a bender and usually turns up once his money dries up, but it’s been a while, with no sign of him.

Then there is the second case that Bertha sees as easy money: finding a missing husband who disappeared on the way home from Reno. His curvaceous wife, Daphne Beckley, wants her spouse found, even though their marriage has pretty much run its course and both know it’s over.

How these cases intertwine is through the drunk uncle and missing hubby becoming traveling companions by chance, due to the fact the uncle usually hitchhikes his way home. Things take a bizarre turn once Lam starts digging into these cases, especially when a mysterious blonde who was also given a ride has vanished without a trace. And then, a dead body is found where the car broke down, but is it the uncle or the hubby?

I love these stories for the way Gardner weaves enough clues into the plot for readers to figure it out, which is what exactly happened early on for me. Still, it’s a fun read that does what it sets out to do: Entertain the reader and not get bogged down. I wish more writers would do that.

THE GUNSMITH #39: THE EL PASO SALT WAR by J.R. Roberts — Is there another current author who is as prolific as Robert J. Randisi? It seems he can crank out a book a week. Despite the pseudonym, the whole GUNSMITH series is his, but that is only one part of his output.

From 1985, this is an earlier adventure. To say these books are just trashy Westerns is a disservice. It should be a compliment, since you get what is advertised in each: plenty of sex and violence, pretty much right out of the gate. I mean, Clint Adams is barely in town before he is making time with one of the local ladies, and we still have more than 170 pages to go and plenty of other women to meet.

The plot is pretty basic for this type of Western: A group of businessmen have a hold on the salt beds, which is making them wealthy, but one of the crew is greedier than the rest. He wants to be sole controller, and the only way to get that is kill off his associates. Too bad he picked the week when Clint comes to town.

A man named Fountain, who is attacked right away, tries to hire Clint for protection. Fountain has a daughter who is more than willing to spend time with Clint while he is around. Slowly, we see the man who is calling the shots hires a gunslinger to take out not only his partners, but also Clint. From this point, it’s basically Clint using his smarts to figure it all out before that final bullet.

People don’t read THE GUNSMITH for depth. No, here are the important stats for the series’ fans: Fountain’s daughter, a saloon girl, the sister of one of the salt ring associates, and — for the big finish — a threesome between the first two.

The series never disappoints. Any of them can be read as fast as a speeding bullet, which just makes you want to grab another from the never-ending stack. My only problem is the cover art: There is no monk in the novel, and the Mexican in it is a full-on businessman, not some extra from TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE. —Bruce Grossman

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF ERLE STANLEY GARDNER:
• BATS FLY AT DUSK by Erle Stanley Gardner
• THE BIGGER THEY COME by Erle Stanley Gardner
• THE CASE OF THE HESITANT HOSTESS by Erle Stanley Gardner
• THE CASE OF THE WAYLAID WOLF by Erle Stanley Gardner
• THE CASEBOOK OF SIDNEY ZOOM by Erle Stanley Gardner
• CROWS CAN’T COUNT by Erle Stanley Gardner
• THE DANGER ZONE AND OTHER STORIES by Erle Stanley Gardner
• FISH OR CUT BAIT by Erle Stanley Gardner
• FOOLS DIE ON FRIDAY by Erle Stanley Gardner
• GOLD COMES IN BRICKS by Erle Stanley Gardner
• PERRY MASON SOLVES THE CASE OF THE DARING DIVORCEE by Erle Stanley Gardner
• PERRY MASON SOLVES THE CASE OF THE PHANTOM FORTUNE by Erle Stanley Gardner
• SOME SLIPS DON’T SHOW by Erle Stanley Gardner
• SOME WOMEN WON’T WAIT by Erle Stanley Gardner
• TRY ANYTHING ONCE by Erle Stanley Gardner

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF ROBERT J. RANDISI:
• DOUBLE THE BOUNTY by Robert J. Randisi
• GALLOWS by Robert J. Randisi
• THE LAWMAN by Robert J. Randisi
• LONE STAR LAW edited by Robert J. Randisi
• THE GUNSMITH #16: BUCKSKINS AND SIX-GUNS by Robert J. Randisi
• THE GUNSMITH #23: THE RIVERBOAT GANG by Robert J. Randisi
• THE GUNSMITH #44: THE SCARLET GUN by Robert J. Randisi
• THE GUNSMITH #85: WINNER TAKE ALL by J.R. Roberts
• THE GUNSMITH #128: THE CALIENTE GOLD ROBBERY by Robert J. Randisi
• THE PICASSO FLOP by Vince Van Patten and Robert J. Randisi
• PLEASURE ISLAND by Nick Carter
• SHELTER #2: HANGING MOON by Robert J. Randisi

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF ROSS THOMAS:
• THE BRASS GO-BETWEEN by Ross Thomas
• CHINAMAN’S CHANCE by Ross Thomas
• THE PROCANE CHRONICLE by Ross Thomas

With PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES being such a monster hit, you knew another installment was inevitable. And so it on March 23, when Quirk Classics unleashes the prequel PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES: DAWN OF THE DREADFULS, by Steve Hockensmith.

Buy it at Amazon.

Current great entertainment sales on Amazon for the month of March:
• Select DVD and Blu-ray up to 56% off, through April 5
• 100 MP3 albums for $5 each
• Download Microsoft Office 2010 for free when you buy Office 2007 qualifying products
• Pre-order THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON on DVD and watch it instantly at midnight, March 20
• Windows 7 Netbooks under $350
• Blu-ray players under $200
• AT&T phones from a penny
• Magazine subscriptions for $7
• Amazon Kindle with U.S. and international wireless for $259

When Cutting Block Press’ BUTCHER SHOP QUARTET hit the stands in 2005, it was subtitled “Four Bold Tales to Disturb the Adventurous Mind.” Wow. Re-arrange those eight words and a myriad of possible exaggerations leap out at you. (Let’s pause for a moment so I can admit that I’m not slamming this book, because I haven’t read it. I’m just tossing out a smart-ass allusion to a Dashiell Hammett story, the title of which I can’t remember.)

Now BUTCHER SHOP QUARTET II, edited by Frank J. Hutton, walks among us, sans subtitle, and it’s comprised once again of four long short stories and/or novellas designed to mess with your mind, whether it’s adventurous or not.

Greggard Penance’s “The Breach” features buddies Jared and Boris, who go diving when and where perhaps they shouldn’t. Penance’s prose is sly and sets you up for The Big Whammo in ways you may not notice on a first reading. Like this:

“A moment later, a large object waddled up. It was a fish the size of a human. It brushed past them, then disappeared. … The fish swam by again, appearing to be curious. On this second pass, Jared recognized it as a lemon shark, mostly harmless to humans.”

The word that might make you pause in your gum-chewing is “mostly,” as in “mostly harmless to humans.” A few sentences later we see “creatures dancing around in the corner of his vision.” Sure, fish and other marine animals would naturally be seen out of the corner of the eye, just like you’re supposed to see ghosts.

“Road Rash” by Simon Janus follows the vehicle-troubled day of a man trying to escape with stolen cash when his car throws a rod and he witnesses a senseless head-on collision. When he pulls a badly battered survivor out of the only vehicle left running, a Chevy Caprice, to help him get away, well, bad things happen to bad people. Especially to bad people reduced to stealing a crashed-up POS Chevy.

Rick J. Brown’s “Bodies Raining” has a sci-fi edge to it, and “Condemned” by Vince Churchill and Ray Brown is the most cinematic: “A large bald body pushed through to the front of the crowd. A streetlight illuminated the figure, showing it to be a woman. Made up like a hellish clown, her bald head was painted dead white, with a bright red frown smeared across her mouth. The ragged lace of a red bra could contain only one of her mammoth breasts.”

The thought of a bra being able to hold only one large breast is usually enticing, but this time, not so much.

The tales are all worth a look and the book will make you hope that this is only the second in a long line of QUARTETs. —Doug Bentin

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Bob Morris and his series star, Zack Chasteen, are back in their fifth saltwater-flavored mystery, BAJA FLORIDA. While it breaks no new ground for either Morris or his main character, it is surprisingly as engaging and satisfying as anything you are likely to read this year.

Zack, the former NFL player and short-term ex-con, is slowly getting used to fatherhood with his baby daughter on the palm-tree farm he shares with his magazine-publisher wife, Barbara, when he is paid a visit from an old friend, Mickey Ryser. Once a successful, freewheeling businessman, Ryser is now dying of cancer, and wants Zack to do him a huge favor.

He asks Zack to find his estranged daughter, Jen, whom Ryser hasn’t seen in more than 20 years. Ryser plans to live out his few remaining days on an island he’s purchased in the Bahamas, and he wants Jen to spend as much time there with him as possible.

But it’s more complicated than it appears, of course. It seems Jen recently bought a huge sailboat and set off for the Bahamas with some college friends, and then disappeared. Ryser hired a private detective to find her, only to have the detective vanish as well.
 
Ryser and Zack grew up together; Ryser was literally the big brother Zack never had. But even though he know he owes Ryser big-time, Zack is reluctant to leave his family. Then Barbara gently reminds Zack that even though he is a devoted husband and doting father, domesticity is the kind of shoe that will never fit him. So Zack gathers his long-time ally, Boggy, who claims to be part of a long line of native Taino shamans, and sets off for the Bahaman Islands — or what he and other residents call “Baja Florida.”
 
The twin spirits of Carl Hiaasen and John D. MacDonald drift through Morris’s novel — as indeed they would through damned-near any Florida-based crime novel. This is evident not only in Zack’s laid-back but resourceful persona, but especially in his first-person narration, where he often observes and bemoans both the unchecked development of his home state and the U.S. homogenization of the world.
 
Too bad Morris couldn’t come up with a more creative way to break away from Zack’s point-of-view and reveal what is happening to Jen. He resorts instead to the done-to-death technique of alternating chapters in full italics to remind us that we are no longer inside Zack’s mind. Then, too, his plot veers toward flat-out predictability in the last quarter of the story.
 
But Morris also fills his pages with lots of sun-baked cynicism and humor, high-level action and plenty of Bahamian culture and history. It is these elements — along with our overall affection for Zack, Boggy and the rest of the enlisted crew — that keep us reading.
 
Morris’ books promise nothing more than to entertain without insulting your intelligence. So if the seasonal blues got you down, pour yourself a generous rum drink, put on some old-school reggae (Toots and The Maytals is perfect, but that Bob Marley CD will do just fine), and put your feet up with BAJA FLORIDA. You’ll be smiling again soon … even if you skip the rum part. —Alan Cranis

Buy it at Amazon.
 

If you’re among those who watch professional wrestling, but wish it were really cartoony, mark your calendar for March 23. That’s when WWE HEROES #1, Titan Publishing’s comic book featuring WWE superstars, hits stores. Here’s your preview.

She’s back, pimpin’ out notable new releases to place on your radar!

THE INFORMER by Craig Nova — Berlin in 1930 is a city of dark paranoia and covert power struggles, where violence can erupt at any moment. The Brownshirts dominate the streets, but the Red Front is building its insurgence. Gaelle, a beautiful but desperate young prostitute with a scar across one side of her face, trades in something far more powerful — and dangerous — than sex: information. To possess her, men will do more than pay — they will tell her secrets. What Gaelle wants is protection. Felix, a 16-year-old boy with a lame foot, negotiates Gaelle’s price, accompanies her in limousines when she feels threatened, and reminds her to take care of herself. But can he really keep her from harm?

CAPITOL BETRAYAL by William Bernhardt — Kincaid is in a meeting with the president in the Oval Office when Washington suddenly explodes into chaos. Facing an imminent threat to the White House, Kincaid is whisked, along with the president and his advisors, to the underground PEOC — Presidential Emergency Operations Center — built to withstand a nuclear blast, but vulnerable to another kind of attack. Inside the bunker, defense specialists realize that a malevolent foreign dictator has hacked into the U.S. nuclear defense system and now has a finger on the trigger of America’s most dangerous weapons. The dictator’s message is clear: Heed his demands or suffer unfathomable destruction.

MARK TWAIN’S OTHER WOMAN: THE HIDDEN STORY OF HIS FINAL YEARS by Laura Skandera Trombley — Despite many Twain biographies, no one has ever determined exactly what took place during those final years after the death of Twain’s wife of 34 years and how those experiences affected him, personally and professionally. For nearly a century, it was believed that Twain went to his death a beloved, wisecracking iconoclastic American, undeterred by life’s sorrows and challenges. Trombley, the preeminent Twain scholar at work today, suspected that there had to be more to the story than the cultivated, carefully constructed version that had been intact for so long. She went in search of the one woman whom she suspected had played the largest role in Twain’s life during those final years and who possibly held the answers to her questions about his life and writings.

THE BEATLES ACROSS THE UNIVERSE: JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE AND RINGO ON TOUR AND ON STAGE by Andy Neill — Culturally, the Beatles were a global phenomenon, changing all facets of popular music for good, but not just because they were a band that made great recordings. How big a part did performing in concert play? Would they have achieved what they did without an early grounding in the dance halls and clubs of Liverpool and Hamburg? After their first year as a headline-grabbing attraction, why did The Beatles soon tire of the relentless pace of Beatlemania? Through print and images from the DAILY MIRROR archive, this book answers these questions, examining in detail the Beatles as a live act between the key Beatlemania years of 1963-1966.

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When you write a fictional account of a real event, you better have the facts straight. With SNOWBOUND, Richard S. Wheeler is definitely up for the challenge. The story is based on not only a real person, explorer John Charles Frémont, but one of his darkest episodes in his life.

That episode can only be described as a disaster of epic proportions. For those unfamiliar, Frémont’s fourth expedition dealt with trying to find a railway route on the 38th parallel, but got stuck in the snowy Colorado mountains. It seems Frémont was definitely a man who could not be swayed from what he thought was a brilliant idea, even if it wasn’t.

Wheeler does a fantastic job of turning this true story into a novel, with each chapter being told from the perspective of one of the party. Some were right there with Frémont throughout the excursions, while others relate the tale from the scouting group. The man-vs.nature story takes a serious dark turn later in the story when supplies are running low. Even when Fremont makes it to an area where his party can regroup, he has already lost most of them, yet he still wants to push on.

This is fantastic read, and while history buffs might know the basics of Frémont’s plight already, they’ll love how Wheeler has made it even more accessible in his retelling. This is the type of book history teachers should have their high school students read, since it gives one of the most accurate portrayals of crossing the country at that time. Add to the fact that it’s such a fast read, it won’t disappoint or be bogged down like a bulk of historical fiction.

In other words, this ain’t no WAGON TRAIN. —Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• FROM HELL TO MIDNIGHT by Richard S. Wheeler

THE RAGGED END OF NOWHERE is basically Las Vegas and the surrounding area, and author Roy Chaney does a workmanlike job of describing the austere beauty of the Nevadan hinterlands around Searchlight and Laughlin, and the garish neon excesses of Vegas itself.

That workmanlike quality is a slight problem in the first 50 pages or so of this debut crime novel. It starts off a little slow. But — and that’s a big but — it very quickly escalates into a rampaging thriller filled with gunfire, tough talk, nasty beatings and a plot that sounds a bit silly, but is all meticulously explained in what is reminiscent of one of those old hard-boiled cop and P.I. novels of the late 1960s.

Bodo Hagen, ex-CIA, has come to Vegas to bury his brother, who was shot in the head in some kind of deal went wrong. Hagen is interested in finding out the identity of his brother’s killer. In doing so, he stumbles into a whole lotta wrong kind of people. It turns out that Hagen’s sibling had managed to steal the hand of Danjou, an historic relic that is symbolically important to the French Foreign Legion (hey, at least it’s not the Knights Templar).

In his effort to sell this relic, the murdered Hagen boy has stirred up a hornet’s nest of gangsters, fences, murderers, small-time crooks looking to score big, and the Legion itself, which will stop at nothing to return the treasured item to its home in France. Bodo Hagen wants to know who killed his brother, but he’ll have to find out where the relic is first in order to understand the whole story.

Chaney is a competent writer who does excellent dialogue, but his high point is the plot and the detective work that Bodo Hagen undertakes. Including the French Foreign Legion seems a little far-fetched, but the author is good at showing just how his protagonist works out why this person is involved and how this person must have known or did not know certain things at certain times. While he’s performing almost superheroic feats of action, all the pieces fit very nicely into the puzzle. It would definitely be interesting to see more work along these lines. —Mark Rose

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To quote a character in Jim Krueger and Alex Ross’ PROJECT SUPERPOWERS: CHAPTER ONE, “What’s going on here? What’s happened?” —Rod Lott

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After reading Michael Adams’ recent, yearlong diary of bad-movie-watching, titled SHOWGIRLS, TEEN WOLVES, AND ASTRO ZOMBIES, I found that I enjoyed it, but not quite enough to keep it for posterity’s sake. My home office has an entire shelf devoted to books on less-than-stellar films that often are more entertaining than watching the flicks they discuss. Although mostly all out-of-print, the volumes below — in order indicative of nothing, once you get past the first one — are well worth owning for the connoisseur of cinema’s cheesiest. Happy hunting!

THE PSYCHOTRONIC ENCYCLOPEDIA OF FILM by Michael J. Weldon — As anyone who has this already knows, this 1983 volume is the Holy Grail of this genre. I first stumbled upon it college while visiting a friend of a friend’s apartment, where the book lie dog-eared atop the TV. Having just gotten into MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000, I was immediately captivated and knew I had to have my own copy. Unfortunately — and this was pre-Internet 1991 — it wasn’t all that easy to find. Waldenbooks — remember them? — had to special-order it for me. It took months, but it was worth the wait. I read it cover to cover a couple of times, and still consult it to this day. Soon, I also discovered the magazine from which it came, and a couple years later, even had an article published in its issue #22, when I interviewed Don “The Dragon” Wilson. (My payment? More free copies than I had friends.)

THE PSYCHOTRONIC GUIDE TO FILM by Michael J. Weldon — Since the first PSYCHOTRONIC book happened before the VHS explosion, a sequel was a sure thing. It took seemingly forever for Weldon to get around to it, but again, delayed gratification proved most satisfying when it finally hit in 1996, and I spent many a weekend night thereafter reading this alphabetically, probably much to the chagrin of my lovely wife (yeah, I’m boring). My release-date enthusiasm for acquiring it during a lunch hour from work on its was only slightly dampened when I returned to my car, to find it wouldn’t start, and it wasn’t the battery. At least I had something to read while I waited for a ride.

THE PHANTOM’S ULTIMATE VIDEO GUIDE by The Phantom of the Movies — At the end of my first semester in college in 1989, I took my history final, then drove home, went to the dentist, caught a matinee of THE WAR OF THE ROSES, and then wandered into Waldenbooks, to see if they had this book, which I had read about that morning in USA TODAY while waiting for said history final to begin. They did, and while The Phantom didn’t quite dig as deep as Weldon, but his approach is indispensable, full of some great sidebars and with reviews organized by genre instead of the ABCs. Better yet, I aced that final.

THE PHANTOM OF THE MOVIES’ VIDEOSCOPE: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THE LATEST, GREATEST, AND WEIRDEST GENRE VIDEOS by Joe Kane — By the time The Phantom got around to delivering a sequel of his own in 2000, he no longer was hiding behind a pseudonym. Also by then, Kane was taking a page from Weldon by independently publishing his own zine, VIDEOSCOPE, from which probably all these reviews first appeared. This one’s not nearly as much fun as its big brother, probably because the Internet was starting to render these guides irrelevant. There was much less to “discover” in the decade-plus that had passed. It’s still never leaving my shelf, however.

THE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 AMAZING COLOSSAL EPISODE GUIDE — I do not hide that MST3K is my all-time favorite television series. It got me — and many of my friends — into watching bad and B-level movies on purpose, with or without robot hosts, and that extends into today. But I know purists who think MST3K ruined the films. Lighten up! If you have many a fond memory of an afternoon spent watching the crew of the Satellite of Love, odds are you already have this 1996 guide, show by show, season by season. Every page is hilarious; the only drawback is that it only goes through the sixth season. I’d kill for an update.

MIKE NELSON’S MOVIE MEGACHEESE by Michael J. Nelson — After MST3K called it quits in 1999, host/head writer Mike Nelson was the first to jump into publishing, with this 2000 collection of essays. Basically, he does in here what he did on TV: ripping bottom-of-the-barrel cinema a new one, just all by himself. It made me so laugh so hard and so often, I kind of got tired of laughing. That make any sense?

VIDEOHOUND’S CULT FLICKS AND TRASH PICS by Carol A. Schwartz with Jim Olenski — The VideoHound brand issued a ton of terrific, wonderfully designed genre guides, from horror and sci-fi to more niche subjects like martial arts and vampires. But only this 2001 title focused specifically on the bad (updated from a lesser 1996 edition). Like all its other siblings, the thick-as-a-phone-book effort rates movies on a scale of bones, rather than stars, and numerous spotlights on infamous actors, directors and producers fill out page after page of lively reviews. Man, I miss these.

BAD MOVIES WE LOVE by Edward Marguiles and Stephen Rebello — Back in the late ’80s and early ’90s, MOVIELINE was one hell of a magazine. One of its regular features was the “Bad Movies We Love” column. In the periodical, if I recall, it barely merited half a page, but in this 1993 collection, the skewerings seem expanded, with exponentially more acidic wit. I read much of it when it came out in August 1993 as I took a road trip to the Grand Canyon with my gorgeous girlfriend, and I still have it … the book and the girl.

BAD TV by Craig Nelson — Yeah, this 1994 book is about television, but since part of casts its lasso to round up some truly terrible made-for-TV movies, I’m including it. (My website, my rules.) As wretched as some films are, the boob tube is an even bigger wasteland of dreck, and Nelson eviscerates much of its poisoned landscape with glee. That’s what I got when I read it while out of town for a wedding I had no interest in attending, but for which my wife served as maid of honor; while everyone else was rehearsing and fretting over details like flowers, I was in the parking lot, sweating in the car, but laughing my ass off.

JOE BOB GOES TO THE DRIVE-IN and JOE BOB GOES BACK TO THE DRIVE-IN by Joe Bob Briggs — A roundup of this kind wouldn’t be complete without the king of the drive-in movies, Joe Bob Briggs. I bet many of you didn’t even know this 1986 book and its 1990 sequel even existed. They weren’t exactly the easiest to find even then; I had to special-order them from my local Waldenbooks at the time, and I’ve never seen them on a shelf anywhere since. Too bad, because they’re absolutely awesome. If you’re familiar with his legendary syndicated columns, then you’re familiar with the contents here — why mess with perfection? You should also check out Joe Bob’s PROFOUNDLY DISTURBING and PROFOUNDLY EROTIC essay collections from 2003 and 2005; they’d merit their own entry, if not for focusing on mostly good movies.

SLEAZOID EXPRESS: A MIND-TWISTING TOUR THROUGH THE GRINDHOUSE CINEMA OF TIMES SQUARE by Bill Landis and Michelle Clifford — Like PSYCHOTRONIC, this 2002 book was born from a zine. Unlike most everything else here, it’s not really a movie guide, but a spare-no-gory-detail history of New York City’s grimy grindhouse-theater experience, right down to the sperm puddles on the floor. On one hand, I’d be afraid to visit such a filthy, dangerous venue; on the other hand, Landis (who passed away recently) and Clifford cover their territory with such nostalgia, it’s hard not to get caught up in their fervor.

RE/SEARCH #10: INCREDIBLY STRANGE FILMS by V. Vale and Andrea Juno — When I first stumbled upon this 1986 book in a secondhand record store in Dallas in 1989, I remember thinking, “Holy crap, not only have I never heard of this, but there are nine more volumes! I’ll go broke getting them all!” Untrue; this was the only RE/SEARCH-branded book dealing with the subject. But it did so wonderfully, with exhaustive interviews with trash cinema’s finest (?) purveyors, and loaded with titillating photos and vintage ads as illustrations.

VIDEO TRASH & TREASURES and VIDEO TRASH & TREASURES II by L.A. Morse — Probably the rarest books on this list, 1989’s VIDEO TRASH and its 1990 sequel stand out for being issued as mass-market paperbacks, instead of the usual trade editions like everything else above. Don’t assume they’re disposable; Morse is funny, and every page comes with a quote from one awful film or another. The first book focuses on monsters and serial killers; the second, titty flicks and action extravaganzas. Get both, if you can find them. Me? I located them in some mail-order joke/prank/novelty catalog in 1993. Never saw them anywhere else again.

Yep, I know there are more, and someday I’ll compile a “Son of 15 Great Books About Bad Movies” follow-up. In the meantime, discuss your favorites in the comments. —Rod Lott

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While technically an anthology of LOVE AND ROCKETS stories, Gilbert Hernandez’s HIGH SOFT LISP actually adds up to a well-shaped whole, if a bit gelatinous at the seams.

Its primary subject is the smart, sexy Rosalba Martinez, better known as “Fritz,” because her father thought she looked like the cartoon character in Nancy. Fritz is many things: a student, a slut, a psychiatrist, an actress and a wife several times over. The one ex-husband who never got over her, one-time motivational speaker extraordinaire Mark Herrera, describes her in part by features from which the title has been derived.

It could’ve been called BIG GIANT TITS, because more people reference that feature (their words, not mine) in these 11 graphic stories — “graphic” because they’re comics, and because Hernandez depicts some rather strong sexual situations. Just because his characters may look like they stepped out of ARCHIE doesn’t mean you should let your kids get a hold of it.

You get a full-figured glimpse into Fritz’s life, from allowing herself to be used as a sex object in her younger days to initially happy times in her marriage to Mark. That union frays before busting apart, with Mark-endorsed detours into other men in an attempt to save it. They stay friends, even as Fritz moves on to others, including a schlubby rocker Scott and reformed nerd Enrique, who’s spent the 10 years since graduating high school chiseling himself into a perfect specimen in order to win the affection of his unhealthy obsession.

LISP has its share of tender moments and tragic ones, although it’s relatively buoyant with humor throughout. One story, “On a Gut Level,” plays out in some sort of alternate reality as Fritz, Mark and a couple other ladies are stranded in the desert and taken to a mysterious location for an out-of-this-world mission. It may not fit into the overall story arc, but it’s rooted in its spirit.

This is the stuff of soap operas, minus the melodrama. LISP comes loaded with palpable emotions and heaps of honesty, even amid a cartoony backdrop. Rather ingeniously, something in the periphery of one random panel in a story develops into an entire story itself later in the book, with most all of them criss-crossing among one another, somehow achieving cohesion, rather than confusion.

None of this would be interesting if the main character weren’t interesting. And she is that, and then some. Although apt to make stupid choices, Fritz is a conundrum: a woman who uses her obvious physical attributes to get ahead, but also smart enough to rise above them. She allows herself to be labeled, yet surpasses others’ expectations as well. In Hernandez’s hands, she is that rare specimen of a brainy goddess. Given the care in which he draws her every curve, it’s easy to see why so many men have fallen under her spell. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• THE TROUBLEMAKERS by Gilbert Hernandez

A.M. Dellamonica’s INDIGO SPRINGS features a unique approach to how magic works in the contemporary world. There are enchanters, but very few of them, who are able to harness vitagua, a physically viscous blue goo that can be used to create little magical trinkets.

These trinkets can be frivolous, such as a purse that turns feathers into living geese, or extremely powerful, capable of causing tremendous devastation. Arrayed against these enchanters are a group of magic burners, who want to destroy this force and those who use it. These enchanters and burners go about their lives, never letting on to the rest of us about their battle.

Astrid is one such enchanter, apprenticed in early days into the role by her father. We first encounter her holed up with her friends Sahara and Jacks, with Astrid having lost all her memory of magic and what she is capable of. Eventually, these three tap into a hidden spring of vitagua, Astrid regains her memory, and magic is loosed in our real world. She is a natural for the enchanter role, but the power of the magic and its capabilities begin to insidiously affect Sahara.

The book has a somewhat confusing timeline, as we bounce around back and forth between times before the magic spill, to Astrid’s past with her father, to a time where she is held prisoner by the magic burners, to when the spill occurs and the real world is confronted with the power of vitagua. This narrative choppiness is mimicked somewhat by Astrid, who has trouble keeping time — both past and present — organized in her head. While it does tend to heighten the suspense, I’m not convinced that it’s really healthy for the overall story, as it distracts from the theme of magic as power, and the corruption of same.

Strangely, for a first book in the series (the next to come is BLUE MAGIC), it feels like we’re at the end of a multivolume story arc. I would have appreciated reading more of the origins of Astrid’s talent, and less of the somber segments where the friends are trying to prevent the vitagua from contaminating the real world, or of Astrid’s time in prison, being interrogated by a character who is sure to feature heavily in the sequel. The unusual ending in this tale does hold out hope for the second book, however, so if you love contemporary fantasies, Dellamonica’s brisk style should provide a pleasing read. —Mark Rose

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IORICH is the 12th novel in Steven Brust’s fantasy series starring the ready-with-a-quip assassin Vlad Taltos. The author’s work is situated on the light and breezy side of fantasy, a sort of comic noir that features lots of killing, magic, ruthless politics and even some gods and demons, but does it in a heavily sarcastic and fun way.

In this installment, Taltos is disappointed to learn that one of his friends, a very powerful one, is being held in prison for the crime of practicing elder sorcery. What’s odd is that she’d been doing just that for years, and no one minded — not least of all the empress, who has now imprisoned her.

The empress is supposed to be one of her best friends, as well. Taltos is confused. And frequently, when he’s confused, things get sticky for a lot of different people.

This is an enjoyable romp through Brust’s strange world of the 17 houses of the cycle (each of the 12 novels is named after a house, so he has five more to go), complete with many of the characters we’ve come to enjoy over the run, including his Jhereg familiars, Loiosh and Rocza; his separated wife, Cawti; and his own son, now 8 years old, and turning into quite an interesting character in his own right. It’s a quick read, a worthy addition to the series, and should appeal to all who like his casual and flippant style. —Mark Rose

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• DZUR by Steven Brust
• JHEGAALA by Steven Brust

Since setting up shot across the pond almost 10 years ago, the energetic, London-based Com.X group have been producing fine quality comics in a mostly traditional format. But Andi Ewington’s FORTY-FIVE breaks new ground for this young publishing house, and it has all the makings of a watershed work.

Journalist James Stanley is about to become a father. He and his wife have decided not to take the test that would determine if their baby is carrying the “Super-S” gene that would give their offspring one or more superpowers. So to prepare for parenthood, Stanley conducts interviews in England, America and other parts of the world with a variety of genetically born superheroes; the 2nd Degree heroes, who came upon their powers by other means; and various family members, friends and associates.

The resulting 45 interviews cover a broad spectrum of ages, activities and outcomes. Some of his superhero subjects are the extroverted costume-wearing types. Others, by virtue of their powers or reputation, operate under cover of night or in secret. A few interviewed (and several others mentioned in the discussions) have “gone Vader” — that is, become evil. Stanley also devotes time to various parents of newborn or young superheroes, as well as other “Normans” (regular, non-super-powered humans) whose lives have been affected by a hero one way or another.

Lurking among many of their stories is the organization known as XoDOS, a shadowy agency that provides funds and private educational opportunities for those born with the Super-S gene or those who become 2nd Degree heroes. As Stanley learns, there are those who believe that XoDOS’s real mission is to recruit super-powered individuals into a clandestine, government-sponsored army whose mission has yet to be revealed.
 
Following a brief introduction, the entire narrative is presented in a Q&A interview format, with each accompanied by a full-page, color illustration by numerous artists whose names cover about five-and-a-half inches of space on the inside-cover credits.
 
Ewington obviously loves and knows a lot about his subject matter. The themes of how superheroes are defined and integrated in the society of regular humans places him in the company of Alan Moore, of course. But there are also echoes of the early X-MEN series, Frank Miller of the classic DARK KNIGHT days, and even George R.R. Martin’s WILD CARDS series. Yet the author’s inventiveness, along with the emotional insight and content of his stories, make this work uniquely his own.
 
Special acknowledgement is also due to the dozens of illustrators. Their works range from single-subject portraits to multi-image narratives and wildly impressionistic renderings of the interviews and their subjects. While these pieces differ greatly in style and technique, they are all stunning and contribute richly to the book’s enjoyment.
 
FORTY-FIVE is destined to be one of those graphic novels that historians and fans will talk about and fondly look back upon for years to come. Don’t pass up the opportunity to be among those who knew about it when it first appeared. —Alan Cranis

Buy it at Amazon.
 

Looking for juicy, behind-the-scenes dish on the making of GREASE 2? Keep looking, amigo, because you’re not going to find it in this biography of the late, flamboyant producer Allan Carr. For a book titled PARTY ANIMALS: A HOLLYWOOD TALE OF SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK ‘N’ ROLL STARRING THE FABULOUS ALLAN CARR, it’s scant on the frivolity and favors, and more about his work.

Throughout, author Robert Hofler beats us over the head with reminders of Carr’s homosexuality, but that was never a secret, and his Hollywood parties were legendary for their excess, so there’s much to qualify as shocking. Carr is, after all, the man who gave us CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC.

That infamous bomb of a disco musical makes for the more entertaining passages, with star Valerie Perrine managing to shock even The Village People and to spar with director/towel pitchwoman Nancy Walker. The biggest revelation is that because Carr didn’t want his leading man, Bruce Jenner, in two movies in release the same season, the former Olympian had to turn down a role in some comedy called AIRPLANE! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was tapped instead, and the rest is movie history. And don’t call me Shirley.

Surprisingly, there aren’t as many interesting stories about GREASE, even fewer on GREASE 2, and who ever cared — except Carr, of course — about WHERE THE BOYS ARE ‘84? All in all, Carr comes out smelling pretty rosy, if prone to fits of fussiness. He’s portrayed as compassionate, generous, giving and — psssst! — if you haven’t heard, gay as a tangerine. —Rod Lott

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Max Allan Collins no longer writes CSI tie-in novels. At least not officially. Because YOU CAN’T STOP ME, written with Matthew Clemens, feels a lot like one.

Instead of Gil Grissom (who, perhaps not-so-incidentally, gets name-dropped), the hero is J.C. Harrow, a Iowa small-town sheriff who hits the big time when he saves the President of the United States from a would-be assassin’s bullet at the state fair. His adrenaline rush is short-lived, however, when he arrives home and feels that something’s “not right.” Sure enough, he finds that his wife and son have been shot to death, and her not-that-valuable wedding ring missing from her finger.

Before long, a grieving Harrow finds his family isn’t the only such crime. There’s a spate of them across the country — perhaps even dozens — but they’ve been getting increasingly sloppy, with the women’s entire ring fingers removed. Now that Harrow hosts a moderately successful reality show called CRIME SEEN!, he’s in a position to do something about it, so on the season finale, he goes off-script to announce that the next season will find him and a top-tier team of criminal analysts bringing the serial killer to justice.

Now, brush aside the fact that reality shows aren’t live, and just go along for the ride. Harrow assembles his multicultural dream team and goes on the manhunt for the baddie known as The Messenger. But when one of the CRIME SEEN! troupe is kidnapped by the man, much more than ratings are at stake.

There’s no elaborate mystery at work here, but CSI fans — and especially those of the sleazy world of reality television — may be more attuned to STOP ME’s wavelength, which is part procedural, part party. I say “party,” because it feels as if Collins and Clemens have approached this one in a manner that suggests they were out to have a ball, rather than craft a somber, serious work. Generic, blah cover aside, this effort operates on a level of exaggerated reality, much like so-called “reality TV” does. In other words, situations are deliberately amped up for maxiumum entertainment value; if some facts get lost in the creative editing, so be it.

Indeed, STOP ME feels episodic, as if you could tune in next week for more adventures of Harrow and the gang. (The title even suggests another one is just around the corner.) The dialogue is a little TV-cheesy and unrealistic, but again, it can get away with it in the context of the novel’s setting and situations. The paperback original is an escapist read — not top-shelf Collins, but engrossing enough for a minimal investment of time and money. —Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• THE BABY BLUE RIP-OFF by Max Allan Collins
• BLACK HATS by Patrick Culhane
• BYLINE: MICKEY SPILLANE edited by Max Allan Collins and Lynn F. Myers Jr.
• DEADLY BELOVED by Max Allan Collins
• DICK TRACY by Max Allan Collins
• DICK TRACY GOES TO WAR by Max Allan Collins
• DICK TRACY: THE SECRET FILES edited by Max Allan Collins and Martin H. Greenberg
• THE FIRST QUARRY by Max Allan Collins
• G.I. JOE: ABOVE & BEYOND by Max Allan Collins
• G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA by Max Allan Collins
• THE GOLIATH BONE by Mickey Spillane and Max Allan Collins
• KILL YOUR DARLINGS by Max Allan Collins
• A KILLING IN COMICS by Max Allan Collins
• THE LAST QUARRY by Max Allan Collins
• MY LOLITA COMPLEX AND OTHER TALES OF SEX AND VIOLENCE by Max Allan Collins and Matthew V. Clemens
• QUARRY IN THE MIDDLE by Max Allan Collins
• QUARRY’S LIST by Max Allan Collins
• RED SKY IN MORNING by Patrick Culhane
• ROAD TO PARADISE by Max Allan Collins
• STRIP FOR MURDER by Max Allan Collins
• TOUGH TENDER by Max Allan Collins
• THE WAR OF THE WORLDS MURDER by Max Allan Collins

Mark Mills came to prominence with AMAGANSETT, a book that won the British Crime Writer Association’s Award for best novel by a debut author. He followed that up with the well-received THE SAVAGE GARDEN, and now, THE INFORMATION OFFICER. The work is primarily set on the island of Malta in World War II, and features the title character of Max Chadwick, whose role is to disseminate the right type of propaganda amongst the natives, to keep morale high.

High morale is at a shortage. Malta, a British Crown colony, is under constant attack from German and Italian forces, receiving twice-daily bombings for almost two years, suffering great casualties, and experiencing shortages of almost everything, including food. Chadwick and his friends make the best of it as well as they can, until a young street girl is found raped and murdered.

High Command seems to want to hide the atrocity, but Chadwick is incensed and wants to find the killer. Mills ably weaves his story around a slew of mysterious characters, the ruthless bureaucracy of the military authorities, and the implacable will of the Maltese people, all as we feel the intense desperation of Chadwick as he hunts for the killer.

The unusual setting of the novel is extremely refreshing, and Mills manages to incorporate tons of details of Maltese life and culture without making it seem like a history book. His characters are strong and believable, dialogue realistic, and his powers of description and plotting are also in top form. Although this is early in his career, I think it’s safe to say that he’s a crime author who is one to watch out for, someone who doesn’t need the crutch of a series detective, and who shows the care and love for his characters and story too many writers ignore. —Mark Rose

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You know what kind of science fiction never disappoints in it sheer dumbness? The post-apocalyptic type, where the world has become a radiated wasteland populated by fearsome characters out to make things right in their own way. So settle back and enjoy three books that define dumb fun … and reveal what our futures hold.

TRAVELER #9: THE STALKING TIME by D.B. Drumm — This 1986 book is 24 years old, and boy, does it show with references to THE A-TEAM, MIAMI VICE and DALLAS. For those unfamiliar, the Traveler is a lone wolf/former government super-soldier who is now on his own and searching for signs of communities that still exist.

Since I’m jumping around this series like a chicken with its head cut off, it’s explained really quick that some progress has been made, with a new government of some sort being established, and the Traveler sent to unite them. That’s about as much continuity as you get, because from that point on, it’s a mish-mash of ripping off spaghetti Westerns and ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK villains.

The gist deals with the Traveler coming to the aid of a helpless old man by laying waste to 30 guys in a blink of a sentence. He helps the senior citizen back into the idyllic-seeming little town, which is harboring a secret stash of supplies in an underground mall. Of course, there resides a super-duper bad guy called the Duke of New York — oh, wait, I mean The Dragon. He’s a cross between Super Fly and the Ayatollah of Rock ‘n’ Rolla — a bad dude who likes to peddle kid flesh and calls himself The Dragon because of a mutant he killed whose head he uses as a car decoration.

The Traveler has somewhat of an ally, Angel Eyes, who’s hell-bent on killing The Dragon for himself. Angel Eyes seems to be way too smart beyond his years and wears a sort of old-school knight helmet for the bulk of things. The story is your basic, split-up-and-infiltrate plot, where it all comes down to a giant fight at the end.

Here’s a bit of a spoiler: Angel Eyes’ helmet is worn for a certain reason, and that’s because he is not of this planet. That had to be one of the most obvious plot points, and if you read this book, you will see why, since he comes off like a superhero in certain portions. STALKING TIME just takes one of the most overused plots and sticks in the post-apocalyptic wonderland. It’s fun for the 70 minutes it took me to read. Just don’t expect much.

THE SURVIVALIST #5: THE WEB by Jerry Ahern — So far with this series, I’ve covered the first entry, which is straightforward, and one of the later entries, when the series enters bizzaro land. This 1983 one is still somewhat based in the real world, but still full of WTF moments. I really need to stress this is not a series you can easily pick up in its middle. You will feel lost, with little help from Ahern in giving any info you might need.

This one follows four storylines. You have our main character, John Rourke, still looking for his family. His wife and kids are trying hard to make it to some farm that they think he’ll try to get to. Then there is a Russian woman who works for the KGB and is trying to find her people. And there is a Russian general in search of information about something called Project Eden.

Confused? Well, you should be. But stick it out and THE WEB sort of clears up a few of the threads. The two Russian storylines have a bit of closure in that the KGB agent meets up with former colleagues, while the general comes across tons of documentation about Project Eden that is then dropped, but it plays a very important part later in the series.

Rourke’s wife slowly makes progress across the war-torn American landscape. Meanwhile, Rourke is welcomed to a town where people are living their lives like usual, even having school elections and celebrating the Fourth of July. But the town also has a fireworks display like none other, planned in the form of a mass suicide pact.

Of course, Rourke makes it out of that town, or else the series would end. I mean, the books do go on to #27. There is a small bit of that trademark gun porn you’d expect from this type of series, but nothing really to make you want to stop. But, wow, if you read this book cold, you will have just wasted your time.

BLADE #8: DEVIL STRIKE by David Robbins — This 1990 book is part of a series that is actually a sequel to another long-running series called ENDWORLD. Blade is a secondary character from that series, but even with all that baggage, I was not left dangling in the wind. There are passages throughout that catch up the reader with the basics of the overall series.

World War III went down, leaving the U.S. in a giant mess, with various factions claiming their own territory. Each of these territories team up somewhat by having one member of their land join with Blade in a group called Freedom Force, whose members are about as interchangeable as Legos. Besides the racial makeup, there is not much to differentiate between them.

Since this all takes place after the apocalypse, they have to fight a bad guy called El Diablo. It’s so by-the-numbers, I felt like I was re-reading the TRAVELER adventure, with more gun porn thrown in. But there are a few pluses. This is more violent and gorier than the others in this column, especially at the start. THE ROAD has nothing on some of the over-the-top sequences.

But to be honest, I’d stick with other series. I’ve only come across this one book in the BLADEs, which is never a good sign. Maybe if I come across the ENDWORLD line, I’ll try them out. Supposedly, they’re much better and more cohesive. —Bruce Grossman

Buy them at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF JERRY AHERN:
• THE SURVIVALIST #1: TOTAL WAR by Jerry Ahern
• THE SURVIVALIST #12: THE REBELLION by Jerry Ahern
• TRACK #3: THE ARMAGEDDON CONSPIRACY by Jerry Ahern

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF D.B. DRUMM:
• TRAVELER #1: FIRST, YOU FIGHT by D.B. Drumm
• TRAVELER #2: KINGDOM COME by D.B. Drumm

“One thing all of those authors had in common with each other, but not with me, was that they had led lives that were worth writing about. … What the hell had I ever done? Nothing. Oh, wait, that’s right, I’d taken my GED test and graduated high school two years early. Wow!”
—Josh Becker, GOING HOLLYWOOD, pages 90-91

“I’d rather be Ed-fucking-Wood than not be a filmmaker.”
—Josh Becker, GOING HOLLYWOOD, page 161

I am always personally annoyed when I find that the reputation of a creative work is clearly based on what the audience was expecting, rather than on what they actually received. The clearest example of this I can think of is a cinematic one: In 1982, a very creepy, original horror movie about a satanic toymaker and his attempt to murder thousands of children on the 31st of October was released and immediately upset all of the folks who went to see it. Not because it wasn’t scary or well made, but because its title was HALLOWEEN III and they went to it expecting to see a continuation of the Michael Myers saga.

Despite the fact that it’s the only film even tangentially connected to the franchise that comes close to being as good as the original, it remains thought of as a betrayal and disappointment by many fans who have given it a 3.7 rating on the IMDb, even though most of them would celebrate it as a classic ’80s cult film if it had been released solely under its subtitle of SEASON OF THE WITCH.

I tell you this not just because it is my habit to waste people’s time by bringing up irrelevant trivia whenever I can, but because when our editor asked me if I would be willing to review a new book called GOING HOLLYWOOD by Josh Becker, I said “yes,” based on the expectation that I would receive a goofy, entertaining look at life on the low-end of the show-business food chain by the guy who made the truly terrible ALIEN APOCALYPSE.

For those of you who haven’t seen it (that is to say, most of you), this 2004 film is best known for starring cult icon Bruce Campbell as an astronaut/osteopath who returns home from a space mission to discover that the planet has been taken over by man-sized alien insects (any resemblance to PLANET OF THE APES is, I’m sure, entirely coincidental). Made by the Sci Fi Channel in Bulgaria, ALIEN APOCALYPSE is so blatantly preposterous that it actually takes a second viewing to appreciate that along with its terrible costumes, abysmal special effects, bland camera work, lamentable acting and atrocious dubbing, it is also very badly written.

In other words, it’s exactly the kind of cinematic disaster I love to read about. True, I had already listened to the film’s anecdote-filled DVD commentary (where I should have heard alarm bells ring when Becker admitted that the film’s derivative plot lived inside his head for 16 years before he got the chance to film it), but I was optimistic that Becker had many more hilarious B-movie tales in his repertoire, and the resulting book would be well-worth my time.

It was this expectation that caused me to suffer some confusion as I started reading and was surprised to find that nearly a quarter of the way into it, Becker had yet to get near a film set and was instead still just a 18-year-old movie fan living in a small apartment across the street from the Paramount studios in 1976. A quick trip to the Internet soon made it clear that my expectations had been unfounded. Becker had indeed written a book about his life as a director, titled RUSHES, but that wasn’t the book I was reading.

Instead of an entertaining, behind-the-scenes look at Z-level filmmaking, I was instead reading a coming-of-age memoir about a kid who moves to Hollywood from Detroit, has sex with various women, gets some menial jobs, meets some fellow film fans, does a lot of drugs, struggles to create something that doesn’t suck, and then is eventually inspired by Jack London to hitchhike to Alaska to have an adventure he is certain will make him a better writer. Confronted by this, I had to immediately overcome my disappointment and make a conscious effort to judge GOING HOLLYWOOD for what it actually was and not what I had hoped it would be.

Now, in a happier, sunnier, rosier world, this is the paragraph where I would go on to say that once I got over my misconception and began to judge the book on its own merits, my experience vastly improved. Sadly, this is not the case. If anything, it made me dislike GOING HOLLYWOOD that much more.

Just as ALIEN APOCALYPSE is a textbook example of how not to make a low-budget science-fiction movie, GOING HOLLYWOOD is an equally perfect example of how not to write a memoir.

It may seem that I’ve already been quite harsh toward the book and its author, but the truth is that I am holding myself back as best I can. Since we live in an age of Google Alerts and this is a small-press title unlikely to get many other critical evaluations, I am aware that there is an almost certain chance that Becker is going to read this at some point and so I am taking pains to say nothing here I would not willingly say to his face. And while I won’t go so far as to suggest that the following diatribe can be accurately described as “constructive,” it is sincere and honestly felt.

Anyone who chooses to attempt the blatantly narcissistic act of chronicling their own life is required, for the sake of their audience, to meet one of two obligations: They must either have lived a life of such genuine accomplishment that it deserves to be documented, if only for the sake of the historical record, or they must be gifted with a skill for storytelling that is able to transform their personal narrative from a mundane recounting of uninteresting events into a unique and entertaining commentary on the foibles of the human condition. Becker, sadly, comes up short on both counts.

By narrowly focusing on a year of his life where his only genuine accomplishment was an act of futile juvenile bravado (the hitchhiking to Alaska), Becker is forced to recount every incident from that year that managed to remain wedged inside his brain. Thus, 50 pages into GOING HOLLYWOOD, the reader has already read graphic descriptions of the only time he had sex with his former girlfriend, his first visit (of two) to an Asian massage parlor, his frustrating night of blue balls spent with a disturbed former classmate, and his brief affair with the stripper down the hall.

This wouldn’t be so bad if Becker were a skilled writer able to transport these moments beyond their PENTHOUSE FORUM origins, but he isn’t, and by the time the stripper comes into his life, it seems like an oversight that he doesn’t introduce her appearance with the standard “I never thought these stories were true until this happened to me.”

Even more problematic, though, is the constant description of drug use in the book. Have you ever found yourself waiting at a bus stop or sitting in a bar and suddenly locked into a conversation with a 50-year-old guy with long hair and a jean jacket who hasn’t changed his appearance or lifestyle since 1982? Inevitably, in the course of that conversation, he’ll start recounting how hard he and his friends used to party back in the day, as you sit there with a frozen smile wondering when that stupid bus or your friends will finally arrive and save you from this torture.

Becker’s tales of drug use aren’t quite that bad, but they do possess the same quality of attempting to extract admiration from pathos. He clearly wants us to be impressed by the amount of illicit substances he and an acquaintance consumed in a cross-country trip from L.A. to Miami, but rather than reach levels of Hunter S. Thompson-ian hilarity, the only feeling he creates is relief that they didn’t kill anybody in an accident along the way.

The road-trip sequence also serves to highlight the difficulty Becker has in selling the veracity of his material. Although nothing much of consequence happens in the book, often what does happen feels made up. The dialogue frequently rings false and moments feel forced to support the book’s themes. I have no doubt that these people existed and these incidents really happened (although it does seem like a minor miracle that he is able to remember any of them, considering how much drugs he ingests), but in the same way he cannot convince us that alien insects have taken over the world in ALIEN APOCALYPSE, he fails to make his own life story seem real.

If there is a lesson to be learned from GOING HOLLYWOOD — and I believe that there are lessons to be found in even the worst of books — it is that a personal story is only as interesting as the author’s ability to tell it. Around the same time I read this memoir, I started listening to actor Stephen Tobolowsky’s wonderful podcast THE TOBOLOWSKY FILES, available on iTunes. Several of Tobolowsky’s stories are set in the exact same period and setting as GOING HOLLYWOOD, yet couldn’t be more different in their approach and affect. Becker’s book also made me revisit Paul Feig’s hilarious SUPERSTUD: OR HOW I BECAME A 24-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN, which manages to describe the painful realities of life after high school with a skill, humor and honesty GOING HOLLYWOOD completely fails to achieve.

The difference between these two works and Becker’s second memoir is really as simple as the difference between Edward D. Wood Jr. and his hero, Orson Welles. One was a master storyteller and the other was happy to just be making movies, no matter how much they might have sucked. By the end of GOING HOLLYWOOD, Becker concludes that it’s more important to make art than to study it, but the truth isn’t that simple. The great filmmakers and writers are inevitably the ones who have done both.

When I finished GOING HOLLYWOOD, I felt sadness. Sadness that I wasted my time with an inferior piece of writing; sadness that I would have to hurt the author’s feelings when I shared my honest thoughts about it; sadness that the book ended where it should have started; and sadness that my disappointment with Becker’s second memoir would stop me from ever reading his first, which I expected to like so much more. —Allan Mott

Buy it at Amazon.

Stark House Press casts the two novels in IT’S ALWAYS FOUR O’CLOCK / IRON MAN under the noir banner. But let me clarify: This is not bang-bang/shoot-’em-up noir. W.R. Burnett’s works more fall into the like-minded world of David Goodis and Charles Willeford.

An introductory essay by David Laurence Wilson gives a history of Burnett and his compatriots of his time, like William Faulkner and Dashiell Hammett, which is none too shabby. Burnett’s debut was the groundbreaking LITTLE CAESAR, which had readers rooting for the bad guy throughout. That was not the norm at the time, to say the least.

Wilson does an exemplary job of painting Burnett as a man who was happier in the world of music. Good thing he also did screen work, namely THE GREAT ESCAPE, THE ASPHALT JUNGLE, ICE STATION ZEBRA and HIGH SIERRA. His only Hollywood misstep was the Rat Pack film 4 FOR TEXAS, which makes SERGEANTS 3 look like a classic.

The collection kicks off with 1956’s IT’S ALWAYS FOUR O’CLOCK, which will please fans of writers who deal more with the emotional terrain of noir. The story involves a group of jazz musicians who are just scraping by in their own little circle. They just want to play and see how far they can take it. The narrator, Stan, meets up with this wiry kid named Royal Mauch, who is not your typical piano-pounder. He seems to have more knack for new arrangements that others might find difficult.

As Stan and Royal find two other like-minded souls in Walt and a singer named Berte, it becomes apparent to Stan and Walt that Royal is out of their league; his work is not only new and challenging, but nothing like they have played before. Royal keeps his private life separate from his new set of friends; he not only comes from some money, but major money, and his family doesn’t approve of his current lifestyle.

FOUR O’CLOCK is more about these entertainers and how their relationships strain to reach their breaking point. This story is not as dark as a Goodis tale, but you could easily see these musicians pop up in some club one of his characters might frequent. This is more a sort of passion play than a true crime classic, focused on the lives of people just scrapping by and/or slumming in the world.

The second novel in this twofer is IRON MAN, which is sort of like the B half of a double feature — mainly because it’s the weaker of the two and plays on one too many clichés. It was written in 1930 and, believe me, it shows in the use of certain racial terms that will upset more than a few politically correct people.

The bulk of the story is set in the shady world of boxing, which just screams noir. Coke Mason is a fighter on the rise who can take a punishment in the ring like no one else. But Coke has two people pulling at him. One is his manager, George, who has known him since they were youngsters and uses Coke like a never-ending gravy train, since Coke is the type to throw money around like it’s no one’s business, usually putting him into a hole of problems.

Then there is Coke’s wife, Rose, who is happier to have her husband at a distance, and uses her power over the big lug whenever it will benefit her. IRON MAN not only follows Coke on his rise through fights in the ring, but also with his wife, who likes to play victim more often than not. He keeps going back to her like a big dog starved for attention.

Coke is built up as the next great champ, and believes all the hype to the point he doesn’t take some of his matches too seriously. It all leads to the championship fight, whose outcome most people will have figured out early. This is, of course, another story of a group of losers in a world that has no place for them outside of their own narrow paths. For a book that was written more than 80 years ago, it still packs a punch — no pun intended.

This fine collection Stark House release should be read by any fan of the darker recesses of noir. It’s as if Burnett was an eyewitness to a world most people do their best to avoid. And that, my friends, is some of the best noir writing going. —Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.

A comic book about a vampire count? Why not?

Labeled for “moo-chure audiences,” COWNT TALES #1 is just that, in an anthology format, with three stories about The Cownt, all written by Michael May. The first, “Stake Dinner,” is an origin tale of how an otherwise unassuming, grass-chomping bovine became a caped bloodsucker. In the second, “Udder Nonsense,” he seeks out a doctor to remove his udders, because a creature of the night needs to strike terror in the hearts of his victims, and having hanging milk-squirters doesn’t quite cut it. (Although it does make for a sexually charged sight gag in the final tale.)

And that one is “Lactose Intolerance,” in which a female vampire hunter (Penny, not Buffy) approaches The Cownt resting in his coffin with an aim to exterminate. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

Speaking of sounds, this black-and-white book is rife with cattle puns. If that was all May could do, the project would equate to a mushy cow pattie, but he has a sharp wit about him, so COWNT TALES flies with a smile-ready spirit. Although it’s styled like a EC-hosted horror affair, humor is the name of the game, and May’s stable of artists — Gavin Spence, Paul Taylor and Jessica Hickman — pull it off with pizazz. Usually, indie comics projects of this kind lack in the art department; no such trouble here.

The best praise you can give a homegrown book like COWNT TALES is that you’d like to see more. And I sure as hell would. —Rod Lott

Buy it at IndyPlanet.

She’s back, pimpin’ out notable new releases to place on your radar!

STAR WARS: FATE OF THE JEDI: BACKLASH by Aaron Allston — Repercussions from the dark side’s fatal seduction of Jacen Solo and the mysterious plague of madness afflicting young Jedi continue to wreak havoc galaxy-wide. Having narrowly escaped the deranged Force worshippers known as the Mind Walkers and a deadly Sith hit squad, Luke and Ben Skywalker are in pursuit of the now Masterless Sith apprentice. It is a chase that leads to the forbidding planet Dathomir, where an enclave of powerful dark side Force-wielders will give Vestara the edge she needs to escape — and where the Skywalkers will be forced into combat for their quarry and their lives.

REPO MEN by Eric Garcia — In a brave new world, you’ll never have to die … as long as you keep up with the payments. Thanks to the technological miracle of artiforgs, now you can live virtually forever. Nearly indestructible artificial organs, these wonders of metal and plastic are far more reliable and efficient than the cancer-prone lungs and fallible kidneys you were born with — and the Credit Union will be delighted to work out an equitable payment plan. But, of course, if you fall delinquent, one of their dedicated professionals will be dispatched to track you down and take their product back. This is the story of the making — and unmaking — of one of the best Repo Men in the extraction business, who finds his soul when he loses his heart … and then he has to run.

FRAME-UP by John F. Dobbyn — After graduating from Harvard Law with his closest friend John McKedrick, Michael Knight takes a job with his mentor, legendary trial attorney Lex Devlin, while John becomes sole associate of a notorious mob lawyer. Michael never lost hope that John would escape to “cleaner pastures,” until John is murdered in a car bombing bearing the signature of his questionable clientele. Matt Ryan, a priest, Dominic Santangelo, a mafia don, and Lex Devlin put the past aside to focus on a present concern: Dominic’s son has been charged with John’s murder. At Lex’s urging, Michael reluctantly agrees to represent the alleged bomber. In building a defense, Michael is drawn into a high-stakes art fraud and the inner sanctum of international crime.

ARCADIA FALLS by Carol Goodman — Meg Rosenthal is driving toward the next chapter in her life since the sudden death of her husband. Dire financial straits take Meg and her daughter, Sally, to a tucked-away hamlet in upstate New York: Arcadia Falls, where Meg has accepted a teaching position at a boarding school. The creaky, neglected cottage Meg and Sally are to call home feels like an ill portent of things to come. One of Meg’s folklore students, Isabel Cheney, plunges to her death in a campus gorge. Sheriff Callum Reade finds Isabel’s death suspicious, but then, he is a man with secrets and a dark past himself.

GIRL IN THE CELLAR: THE NATASCHA KAMPUSCH STORY by Alan Hall — On March 2, 1998, while on her way to school, 10-year-old Natascha Kampusch was abducted. More than eight years later, on August 23, 2006, she escaped with a story that shocked and horrified the entire world. She spent the most delicate years of her life hidden in a cellar underneath an ordinary Austrian suburban home. How was she able to survive? What sort of woman had emerged? What kind of man was Wolfgang Priklopil, her abductor — and what demands had he made of her? What exactly was the relationship between the abductor and the hostage? Why had Natascha waited so long to make her bid for freedom when it seemed she had earlier opportunities to do so?

A BRIEF HISTORY OF PIRATES AND BUCCANEERS by Tom Bowling — rom Captain Kidd to Johnny Depp, pirates have long captured the imagination, but behind the spectacle is an extraordinary story of bravery and adventure. In the age of discovery, many buccaneers acted on behalf of their nation, then became outlaws as huge wealth was transported across the oceans. Tom Bowling strips the legends away to reveal the true story of piracy and its legacy across the globe.

Buy them at Amazon.

For Gail Carriger’s BLAMELESS, due in September, here’s a different kind of trailer: one that looks at the creation of the book’s cover. Even though it focuses on the creative process of graphic design, it still succeeds in whetting the appetite of fans of the series’ first fantasy, SOULLESS.

Buy it at Amazon.

Someday, Joe Hill will figure out how to craft a novel that equals the genius of his short stories. Until then, his full-length books will range between good and really good, perhaps one third act shy of being great. Invest in such hope, because his second novel, HORNS, is better than his first, HEART-SHAPED BOX.

It has a killer first chapter, which I’m now reprinting in full: “Ignatius William Perrish spent the night drunk and doing terrible things. He woke the next morning with a headache, put his hands to his temples, and felt something unfamiliar, a pair of knobby pointed protuberances. He was so ill — wet-eyed and weak — he didn’t think anything of it at first, was too hungover for thinking or worry. But when he was swaying above the toilet, he glanced at himself in the mirror over the sink and saw he had grown horns while he slept. He lurched in surprise, and for the second time in twelve hours he pissed on his feet.”

That’s it. How can you not keep going?

Anyway, Ignatius — and who ever gets named that? — has these horns, which turn out to be visible only to him. Overnight, he’s acquired the power of hearing people’s deepest, darkest thoughts, which casts HORNS’ initial chapters as black comedy. Strangers, friends, family members — they all express to Ig their desires to snort drugs, to leave spouses, to defile a colleague, as if he’s on the other side of one effed-up confession booth.

But Ig is no saint. In fact, he’s something of persona non grata around town, stemming from the still-unsolved rape and murder of his girlfriend, for whom he was the police’s only suspect, until an evidence fire and a high-powered lawyer changed the circumstances. With his newfound powers, however, he starts to learn the true story behind her brutal demise.

HORNS then starts backtracking to Ig’s childhood, in order to set up a love triangle that plays out for the rest of the novel. Despite elements of the supernatural, this is not a work of horror — not in the least — but rather suspense, if more of the just-plain-weird variety than pulse-poundingly palpable.

Even if it’s a sly twist on his father’s THE DEAD ZONE, Hill’s story keeps you involved because Ig’s problem is mostly unique, damned funny and oddly touching. What it doesn’t have, however, is a ending that ties things up in a satisfying bow; much like HEART-SHAPED BOX, it feels off by several inches, as if the author couldn’t quite pull the trigger after several hundred pages of plateau.

Make no mistake: Hill’s one incredibly talented writer with a wicked sense of humor and a master’s control of pacing. I’ll happily read anything he writes, as he continues to elevate genre fiction’s reputation with class, rather than crass. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• HEART-SHAPED BOX by Joe Hill
• LOCKE & KEY: WELCOME TO LOVECRAFT by Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodriguez
• 20TH CENTURY GHOSTS by Joe Hill

Edited by Ronald E. Kates and Warren Tormey, BASEBALL/LITERATURE/CULTURE: ESSAYS 2008-2009 presents 23 pieces and papers on the sport of baseball, as presented at the 2008 and 2009 Conference on Baseball in Literature and American Culture held at Middle Tennessee State University.

McFarland has been publishing these collections, along with the Cooperstown Symposium papers, for a number of years, and it’s an invaluable service it provides, making these scholarly contributions more accessible not just for those in academe, but serious students of the game.

The 23 works are broken down into a few subthemes: spirituality, culture and literature, history, general essays, and even fiction. As to be expected, there are highlights and lowlights in any collection of this sort. One criteria to apply when reading such a book is, “Would you have wanted to be there to attend the event to hear these papers being read?” And the answer to that is a resounding “yes.”

The spirituality section contrasts Andrew Hazucha’s laughable and infuriating take on evangelical religious belief and how it relates to the 2007 Colorado Rockies, all of which somehow morphs into an incoherent and egregious critique of George W. Bush, with the much more interesting piece by Kevin Grace on a short-lived periodical called SAM THE SCARAMOUCH, which contained some poignant thoughts on very early Sunday baseball.

The culture and literature section is the largest in the book. Here,
• Jeremy Larance teaches us that we can learn much about baseball and society from the literature on cricket;
• Daniel Anderson contributes a fascinating look at intellectualism and the Negro Leagues, which could easily be expanded into a much longer paper;
• Travis Stern discusses the ahead-of-its-time 1913 Broadway play THE GIRL AND THE PENNANT;
• Steve Andrews takes an unfortunate visit to la-la-land with his article connecting baseball with the 1951 sci-fi film THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (note: not much connection at all, and it distracts from his more interesting take on baseball, literature and Communism);
• Rebekah Billings has an enthralling account of what it means to re-read Bernard Malamud’s classic baseball novel THE NATURAL and to teach it to students who are only familiar with it as a movie;
• Crosby Hunt offers fascinating looks at the neglected Don DeLillo film GAME 6, while Aaron Miller does the same for baseball in the sitcom SEINFELD;
• and the section closes with four thoughtful pieces on the game and major literary writers: Gary Land on Robert B. Parker, Nicholas Bush on Harry Stein, Warren Tormey on Robert Coover, and Phil Oliver on John Updike.

The two fictional pieces are surprisingly polished, as they seem to come from authors who haven’t published fiction before. Tom Wells tells of a single Little League game played out against small-town politics and gossip, while Steven L. Walker provides a more international focus of a college team playing against the Japanese.

The closing section on historical vignettes and reflections on the sport tends to be a little flat, with:
• straight descriptions by Douglas Malan of a 1926 pro/amateur exhibition game in Connecticut;
• Harriet Hamilton on Negro League team owner Tom Wilson and his effect on Nashville;
• Thomas Veve on the sad tale of Pumpsie Green, who became the first black man to play for the Boston Red Sox (at the outrageously late date of 1959);
• and Robert Barrier on the postwar boom of the minor leagues.

The three closing essays are a bit stronger, more impassioned and include thoughts from R. Dean Johnson, Carl Schinasi and Sarah Bunting, who turns in an excellent putdown of baseball whiners.

So it’s a mixed bag, but a good one. Let’s be clear: This is a pretty traditional academic work, with all the major culprits one normally finds: pomposity; obscurity; muddled, highbrow prose that has that hard-gloss intellectual patina, but which could be said in fewer words and in so much clearer of a way. And strangely, there is a jarring lack of copyediting that strikes the reader’s eyes on almost every page.

But the good far outweighs the bad, because these are scholars and writers who are committed to the belief that baseball, if it means anything at all, means something to the American psyche and soul, that it is a subject worthy of study, and that we can learn something of ourselves by studying this game that is so deeply entrenched in our history. These essays are worth the expense for any serious student of baseball. There’s going to be an error or a dropped fly along the way, but at the end of nine innings, the home team has scored the victory. —Mark Rose

Buy it at Amazon.

I’m not saying DARK TOWER: FALL OF GILEAD is a bad graphic novel. It’s just bad for me. Three times I have tried to get into it, and three times I have failed. Then again, I’m not exactly a DARK TOWER aficionado. Thus far, I’ve only read the first two novels in Stephen King’s acclaimed, seven-book fantasy epic, and exactly none of the comics, in which FALL OF GILEAD is the fourth story arc.

This story is a prequel, and has something to do with the life of gunslinger Roland and his family being made miserable by a sorcerer named Marten. He’s introduced in a prologue that establishes his menace, but little beyond that. You’re left to your own devices, and I’m afraid if you’re jumping in unawares like me, you may be hopelessly lost.

That’s not to say GILEAD isn’t filled with some fantastic images, because it is, including all sorts of blood feuds and beasties, courtesy of Richard Isanove. Robin Furth and Peter David’s story obvious is neck-deep in King’s world, so for those who already wade in such waters, rewards likely await. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF PETER DAVID:
• HULK: GREATEST BATTLES
• IRON MAN by Peter David
• MARVEL 1602: FANTASTICK FOUR by Peter David
• MARVEL ADVENTURES SPIDER-MAN VOL. 5: MONSTERS ON THE PROWL by Peter David and Mike Norton
• SPIDER-MAN 3 by Peter David
• PSI-MAN: DEATHSCAPE by Peter David

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF ROBIN FURTH:
• THE TALISMAN #0
• THE TALISMAN: THE ROAD OF TRIALS #1
• THE TALISMAN: THE ROAD OF TRIALS #2
• THE TALISMAN: THE ROAD OF TRIALS #3

All the news that’s fit to capsulize!

BEST BEFORE …
St. Martin’s is giving away six autographed copies of Duane Swierczynski’s new novel, the time-travel murder-mystery EXPIRATION DATE, plus original illustrations featured in the book by comics artist Laurence Campbell. Enter now at Minotaur Books through April 17. While you’re there, read the first 50 pages, which will be serialized weekly.

OX-TUALLY
Nearly 40 authors have contributed to a unique, four-volume anthology series to combat poverty. Each OX-TALES volume — subtitled with the elements FIRE, WATER, AIR and EARTH — contains at least nine new stories or excerpts, with all royalties donated to the Oxfam organization. Among the contributors are Ian Rankin, Mark Haddon, Alexander McCall Smith, Kate Atkinson, John le Carré and Zoe Heller. All four books come out in April, at $9.95 each.

‘DEAD’ AND ‘LOVING’ IT
Starting today, Night Shade Books begins serializing Amelia Beamer’s THE LOVING DEAD, pegged as “a zombie-comedy-romance that reads like the zombie love-child of Chuck Palahniuk and Christopher Moore.” A chapter a week will be posted, culminating in the book’s July release. —Rod Lott

Buy them at Amazon.

In the world of narrative journalism, Evan Wright might place second only to Mike Sager. Wright’s collection, HELLA NATION: LOOKING FOR HAPPY MEALS IN KANDAHAR, ROCKING THE SIDE PIPE, WINGNUT’S WAR AGAINST THE GAP, AND OTHER ADVENTURES WITH THE TOTALLY LOST TRIBES OF AMERICA, has the same undeniable, voyeuristic appeal as Sager’s.

Perhaps best known for GENERATION KILL, Wright’s journalism career began in the most unlikely of places: at Larry Flynt’s HUSTLER magazine. Working in pornography certainly paved the way for his interest in society’s underbelly, even when the subject is himself.

In the introduction, Wright details his days at HUSTLER, which sound like empty, soul-sucking times. Later, he fields more Flynt stories in “Scenes from My Life in Porn,” in which he also recalls being on set for Jasmin St. Claire’s scene in which 6-foot flames shot out her ass; hanging out with an HIV-infected, drug-addicted porn star; and taking dating advice from director Gregory Dark. He notes that in this industry, careers last as long as votive candles, and the sex is as joyless as one might expect.

Porn informs one other article among the dozen that comprise HELLA NATION, with “Portrait of a Con Artist.” The “artist” in question is Seth Warshavsky. At one time, he was a media darling for being CEO of the online porn empire Internet Entertainment Group. Today, however, he’s presumed to be in Thailand, having fled the country to avoid legal troubles stemming from having swindled millions. See, he wasn’t all he was cracked up to be, and Wright was there to witness it as an IEG employee.

Warshavsky strikes the reader as a sad, pathetic person able to pull the wool over the public’s eyes, at least temporarily. This archetype emerges in several other profiles, from the staggering-drunk skateboarder Jim Greco to the seemingly off-his-rocker Hollywood producer Pat Dollard. The true-crime tale of “The Bad American,” with its story of murder, money and HGH, is chock full of greedy, conniving losers.

Other subjects are merely sad and pathetic, including California’s taxi dancers and the men who spend good money to rent their faux affection; the hooded, American anarchist known as Wingnut; and the paranoid Aryan Nation followers of Pastor Richard Girnt Butler, where white-supremacist parents are proud to teach their toddlers to call African-Americans “beasties.” Judging from their backstage antics, the members of Mötley Crüe aren’t really sad, just infantile.

From cover to cover, Wright’s articles make for utterly compelling journalism. I hope they’re all true, because once again, real life is stranger than fiction. I bring up “hope” only because in the introduction, Wright mentions having his car window busted by a thief wanting some amateur nude photos the author left in sight; in a later chapter, the stolen item becomes XXX videotapes. It’s possible more than one break-in occurred, but you’d think he would’ve learned his lesson the first time!

Whether in the shit of Afghanistan or in the ring of the UFC, Wright puts you right alongside him, filling in the environment while letting his interviewees speak for themselves … and often dig their own graves. Like so many of the addictive personalities he profiles, I couldn’t get enough. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Dammit, I know you get tired of reading reviews of new horror books that whine about how much they remind the reviewer of one or more old books (or old movies, or TV shows, or issues of FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND magazine, or whatever it is that the reviewer is familiar with from decades of wallowing in creepy stuff), but in this case, that’s tough. Honesty demands that I tell you Ronald Kelly’s HELL HOLLOW is patched together from pieces of Stephen King (there’s a coming-of-age element to the plot), early Michael McDowell (it’s all Southern-fried) and, of course, visual clichés from films.

“It was when Allison turned back toward the bathroom mirror that the decision of whether to go home to St. Louis or continue with her search was made for her. Staring back at her starkly, in puffy pink flesh and ugly brown scabbing, was the word that Jackson had so meticulously and gleefully carved into the flesh of her chest, just above the swell of her breasts.”

See what I mean? All that needs is a shock chord on the soundtrack.

But look again at the quoted paragraph and note how overwritten it is. You don’t need that initial “It was.” You don’t need “or continue with her search,” or the adjective “ugly” to describe the scab. Have you ever heard of attractive brown scabbing? You don’t need “just above the swell of her breasts.” Well, maybe you do need those additions. Not to make your points, but to pad out the book to 498 pages.

The main storyline features Keith Bishop, a kid living in Atlanta with parents who are about as concerned with him as they are with their pets. Maybe less. After all, when they decide to go to Europe, they wouldn’t leave the dog with Michael Vick, but they do allow Keith to stay with his grandfather in Harmony, Tenn.

Not that the old man seems all that bad, but the woods near his house are lovely, dark and deep, with emphasis on dark and deep. Contained therein is the spot known as Hell Hollow, where evil goes soul-shopping, as Keith and his three new buds quickly find out.

Okay, I started off by ripping this novel more than I should have. Sorry, but I have grown weary of some of the tricks of the trade Kelly uses here. Bottom line is while the book is way too long — if at least one of the subplots were jettisoned, the main story would tighten up considerably — Kelly frequently delivers satisfactorily. The reader just has to be more patient than I tend to be these days. —Doug Bentin

Buy it at Cemetery Dance.

In ANGELOLOGY, her fiction debut, Danielle Trussoni delivers an epic about an ancient clash reignited in our time, between a hidden society and heaven’s darkest creatures. It blends biblical lore, the myth of Orpheus and the Miltonic visions of PARADISE LOST into a tale of ordinary people engaged in a battle that will determine the fate of the world.

We have one autographed copy to give away, going to:
• Sharon Russwinkel of Springfield, Ill.

Buy it at Amazon.

Prolific and inventive horror author Brian Keene’s DARKNESS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN shares the same basic premise as UNDER THE DOME by Stephen King, to whom Keene is often — and justifiably — compared. Don’t avoid it just because of this coincidence. If you do, you’ll miss out on Keene’s creative spin on the idea. Plus, DARKNESS ranks among his best work. (And anyway, this Leisure edition is actually an expansion of the novel’s original publication back in 2008, so you could argue that Keene beat King to the punch by a couple of years.)

As narrator Robbie Higgins recalls, he and the other residents of the small town of Walden, Va., woke up one morning to darkness. All light had disappeared, along with all electricity and other utilities. No phones, no TV, no radio, no Internet. Just darkness.

As Robbie; his girlfriend, Christy; and his buddy, Russ, struggle along with the other Walden residents to figure out what happened, they soon find that the rest of the world seems to have disappeared, and their town, as Robbie describes it, has been “stuffed into a bottle and covered by a black cloth.” A group of volunteer firemen venture out beyond the town borders, where the darkness seems to expand and thicken. Almost immediately after they vanish from sight, horrific screams are heard by those left behind, and the volunteers never return.
 
Robbie and his friends then find that the darkness emits strange powers over them. As they explore one evening toward the edge of town, they experience visions of those they once loved — now either dead or simply long-lost — who invite them deeper into the darkness.
 
Keene is at the top of his form when depicting the increasing sense of claustrophobia and other mental and emotional trauma brought on by the darkness. Not only do Robbie and the others revert to inevitable survival tactics, but Keene also has the darkness heighten their tendency and temptation toward brutality. Yet the creepiest moments occur when those who venture outside of Walden experience their unspecified, but obviously unspeakably terrible and painful deaths.
 
So good and strong are these moments that it is a bit of a letdown when we learn that the only resident who seems to have any knowledge of — and small control over — the darkness is a homeless derelict named Dez. In a few overly long sections, Dez explains to Reggie that the darkness comes from entities encompassing everything from the Old Testament to H. P. Lovecraft’s Elder Gods (and even earlier Keene novels), who are intent on destroying every world in their path.

Dez previously fought these entities, and it was his actions that prevented Walden from being destroyed. It’s all convincing enough, but again, a little too convenient to have come from the town’s most obvious outcast. But it’s another instance of a novel’s sole defect standing out so strongly against all of its otherwise admirable strengths.

Still, from start to its open-ended conclusion (leaving ample opportunity for a sequel), Keene’s novel contains characters who are believable and consistent, and the fears they face are among the strongest and most affecting. If you haven’t picked up on Keene yet, DARKNESS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN is a fine way to begin. Just make sure the electricity bill is paid before you settle into it, and that you’ve got plenty of replacement light bulbs on hand … just in case. —Alan Cranis

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• CASTAWAYS by Brian Keene
• THE CONQUEROR WORMS by Brian Keene
• DARK HOLLOW by Brian Keene
• DEAD SEA by Brian Keene
• GHOUL by Brian Keene
• KILL WHITEY by Brian Keene
• TERMINAL by Brian Keene
• URBAN GOTHIC by Brian Keene

I think any writer who desires to create a series character who will be defined and remembered by his quirks should read the first 16 pages of Ian Sansom’s THE BAD BOOK AFFAIR. That’s all it takes for the author to show off the inimitable Israel Armstrong, “Tumdrum’s and possibly Ireland’s only English Jewish vegetarian mobile librarian.”

We get a sense of Armstrong’s romanticism, his self-pity, his odd eating habits, his immersion in books and film, his attachment to friends, his fear of his mother, and lots more, and again, in less than 20 pages. Well done. This is the fourth mystery featuring Armstrong, continuing his adventures running the mobile library — or what Americans would call a bookmobile — at the very tip of Northern Ireland.

The Irish setting seems particularly apt for the roll call of outrageous local characters, who are all too keen to compete in a biblical quiz night at the local pub, or to have their very own schismatic group right in town. Armstrong is an outsider, ex-London, who doesn’t feel at all comfortable in the provincial outpost of Tumdrum. But still he ministers, trying though it may be, to the bookish needs of the inhabitants.

But it’s a special request from a teenage girl who wishes to read a book kept in the hidden-from-view unshelved selection that gets Armstrong in trouble. The day after the girl borrows the tome, she goes missing, and neither the head librarian nor the police are very happy. Israel Armstrong feels it his duty to find the girl, though it really couldn’t have been the book that caused her to run away, could it?

This is all extremely light and frothy stuff — a good-humored farce built around a large collection of oddballs. Armstrong is perhaps a little too self-pitying and unawares, especially when surrounded by characters who are more than happy to be blunt with him (the depiction of his hard-as-nails friend Ted is especially choice), but he’s likable enough to make the reader want him to succeed. If there’s too much blood and gore for you in modern mysteries, then this series should definitely be on your reading list. —Mark Rose

Buy it at Amazon.

PUSH, the movie, was actually fairly gripping and stylish, if a little too long. The same can be said for PUSH, the graphic-novel prequel written by Adam Freeman and Marc Bernardin.

Through six chapters (read: issues), it tells the story of the Division, that super-secret bureau of the U.S. government whose agent possess mutant powers, such as implanting thoughts, walking through walls, moving objects, regenerating wounds and even hurting heads, SCANNERS-style. The story is told through the perspective of agent Ezra Lowe, who can altar his appearance to match that of any other person he comes into contact with, which works wonders for his undercover missions.

Lowe is all about the Division until he learns the organization is just using him and the others for a sinister purpose — in this case, the assassination of Prince Charles and Lady Di. When that happens, he attempts a coup of the powers that be with the powers of them.

Nearly every review I read of the film said that PUSH was like a comic-book movie without the comic book. Well, here it is, and while it leads directly into the events of the picture, I can’t say it would’ve made a better story. Nor worse, as it delivers in action via the art of Bruno Redondo and Aaron Minier. In trying to tie the events of this story to the movie, the ending seems forced and anticlimactic. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Robert Goddard writes the kind of mysteries and thrillers you can get lost in. Seriously! His novels are often so full of plot twists, interconnected events and characters that you literally risk getting lost. But just as often, you’ll find it worth the effort for the rewards offered.

LONG TIME COMING is a perfect case in point. It jumps back and forth across a span of three decades, with secondary characters showing up in almost every chapter. But once taken in, you’ll find, almost to your amazement, that it is increasingly difficult to stop reading until you learn what happens next.

The present day of the novel is 1976. Stephen Swan, an ex-Brit working for a Texas-based oil company, is stunned when his mother mentions that his Uncle Eldritch is about to be released from an Irish prison after 36 years. Stephen had always believed that Uncle Eldritch was killed during World War II, just as Stephen’s father had always insisted. Taking a long-delayed vacation from his work, Stephen travels back to his family’s small hotel on the British sea coast, hoping to learn the truth about his mysterious relative.
 
Almost immediately, he discovers others want to know more about Eldritch as well. There is the newspaper reporter who will pay to interview Eldritch and publish his story. Then, there is the solicitor who wants to hire Eldritch for considerably more money for a task on behalf of an unnamed client. With no way to pay for his room and board, Eldritch accepts the assignment and, realizing he is no longer a young man, enlists Stephen to do most of the legwork.
 
Stephen learns that his uncle has been hired to prove that a collection of Picasso paintings in a London gallery was stolen from the family of a private collector. As it is revealed, Eldritch himself was directly involved with the artworks and their original owner — an Antwerp diamond dealer — and followed the paintings to London in 1940.

But the theft of the Picassos is not why Eldritch ended up in prison. That, and several other family and even national security secrets, are eventually revealed as Eldritch, Stephen and the granddaughter of the paintings’ original owner follow the trail of the pieces over the many miles and lost years.
 
Goddard progressively and purposefully builds his complex and far-reaching tale through successive sections in both the 1940 past and the novel’s present. Since so much time is covered, several characters not surprisingly are introduced and play out their part for only a few pages, while others remain a little longer until their contribution is complete.

It often feels like too much to keep track of. But the author takes several opportunities, mostly through dialogue or Stephen’s interior monologues, to recapitulate the various events and pull them into a coherent whole.
 
It’s not a book to race through. In fact, Goddard’s prose style, though nowhere near as elliptical or long-winded as some of his mentors and contemporary practitioners, almost defies the notion of a “quick read.” But, again, if you’re willing to relax and be taken in, you find yourself thoroughly enjoying the ride with all its sights, sounds and unexpected surprises, for however long it takes. —Alan Cranis

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Search this site and you’ll find we are big fans of F. Paul Wilson, for his short stories, standalone novels and his-soon-to-be-finishing Repairman Jack series. But there is a set of books on my shelf which I’ve been staring at for close to three years. I’m referring to “The Adversary Cycle,” which starts off with THE KEEP and then the first Repairman Jack book THE TOMB. The early titles are slowly being revised and reissued, mainly to update the stories with the current times, but in this column, I’ll be reviewing the older editions. Be forewarned: Spoilers abound.

THE TOUCH by F. Paul Wilson — The revisions to this novel deal with technology and a few musical references, since iPods and Emminen were not relevant in 1986, when this book first came out. The story deals with Dr. Alan Bulmer, a family physician whose life changes drastically when he is touched by a dying patient in the ER who can cure people by just a touch.

Walt has now passed along that power to Bulmer; as great as that power can be, it’s also a huge downfall, especially when he starts curing patients from lifelong ailments. Word spreads about him, and he is looked upon by his fellow doctors as some sort of charlatan.

Sylvia, a widower with an adopted autistic child named Jeffy, is friends with Bulmer, but isn’t sure if she should let him cure her son, especially after it’s discovered that for everyone he helps, a little bit of Bulmer dies inside. Meanwhile, a senator follows the doc’s strange goings-on, seeing Bulmer as his ticket for a cure. This pretty makes the senator the big baddie of the book.

Like other Wilson books, the story all ties into a larger picture, with characters coming in and out of these novels. But this one can stand alone, since the only person with any connection to the other books was only written about in two recent novels. But that does not mean that characters from THE TOUCH don’t appear on down the line.

The revised edition has a short story at the end called “Dat-Tay-Vao,” which is the tale of how this mysterious power winded up in the United States, by way of a soldier in Vietnam named Walt.

REBORN by F. Paul Wilson — This 1990 novel is a direct sequel to THE KEEP, in the sense certain things come to fruition. The first half focuses on a young man named Jim Stevens, who makes a discovery he wishes he never found out. At the halfway mark in the book, the huge secret is explained.

Before that, JIm is a happy-go-lucky fellow married to Carol. Not everything is as perfect as it seems, for Jim is an orphan who has always tried to find out who his real parents are. That question gets answered when he is called upon for a will reading of a leading scientist who died in a plane crash and left Jim the bulk of his estate. It becomes apparent that this scientist was Jim’s biological father … but then he comes across some old journals which spell out JIm’s secret. For those who don’t want the book spoiled, I suggest you skip to the next paragraph: Jim is not really the scientist’s son, but an exact clone.

What makes matters worse is the secret is made public by a reporter, throwing the rest of the book into a tailspin, since certain people who believe they are chosen to fight the anti-Christ see Jim and his family as the enemy. This one builds on the foundation of THE KEEP, but REBORN can be read as a standalone, even if new readers will miss some of the nuances that tie the two together.

REPRISAL by F. Paul Wilson — For those chomping at the bit to read about these books and not have anything spoiled, come back next week, since I’m about to spoil most of REBORN. This 1992 sequel has two storylines, one about a college student named Rafe, who seems wise beyond his years and just a bit of a bad boy. A concurrent storyline deals with a priest we met in REBORN, who has forsaken his previous life because of horrific events involving his time at working at the orphanage.

These strands tie into what could have been stopped in REBORN: namely, the birth of a baby to Carol, whose husband, Jim, died long before. We follow the life of Rafe and a woman he becomes attached to, while we given small little chapters about Carol and the son she named Jimmy. It becomes apparent Jimmy is unlike any other kid; as a baby, he is able to speak complete sentences and has total disdain for his mother.

I think you can tell where this is all headed. Anyone who has read the Repairman Jack series and THE KEEP will figure out the quasi-surprise. The story never comes right out and says what is really going on until the final 30 pages, when all the pieces are put together and the lines are pretty much drawn to lead into the final conflict in the next book. Wilson does a great job keeping all these balls in the air that he started juggling back with the first installment. He peppers the book with a super-brief cameo from THE TOUCH. Its one of those blink-and-miss-it things, but it gives crucial info.

NIGHTWORLD by F. Paul Wilson — This 1993 effort is what the whole series has been building toward: the final showdown between Rasalom and Glaeken, whom we met so long ago in THE KEEP.

Everybody has a chance to shine, with Repairman Jack being central to it all. With his series, we know what kind of problems he has faced, but they don’t even come close to what happens here, when giant holes start appearing all over the globe, and somehow, the sun is taking longer to rise while the days get shorter.

But back to those holes: Wilson shows off his influences big-time, with all sorts of creepy crawlies coming out at night. At first, it’s flying bugs, which would scare the crap out of anyone, but as the book progresses, the monsters get much bigger and scarier, such as the giant tentacled creatures — a nod to H.P. Lovecraft.

If people go into this thinking it’s all Repairman Jack, he is only part of the story — a crucial part, sure, but he’s still a supporting character. What’s a shame is that people in Jack’s world are pretty much shoved off to safety real quick, which is understandable, since he has always been one to put the two women in his life first. Certain payoffs may upset a few readers. I won’t go any further on why, but the whole horror aspect is upped.

I’m guessing one scene in particular is probably going to be written out in the revised version, since Wilson used it already in BY THE SWORD. Ditto every cultural reference, since Wilson brings up radio stations that no longer exist and stadiums that are completely gone. And Jack is very much a tourist from the early ’90s, unless people are still wearing acid-washed jeans and Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts.

On the whole, if you put all those things aside, the novel is a perfect ending to this cycle. Just don’t get ripped off by some overzealous bookseller; you can still find most of these in used bookstores. —Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• AFTERSHOCK & OTHERS: 19 ODDITIES by F. Paul Wilson
• ALL THE RAGE by F. Paul Wilson
• BLOODLINE by F. Paul Wilson
• CONSPIRACIES by F. Paul Wilson
• F. PAUL WILSON’S THE KEEP by F. Paul Wilson and Matthew Smith
• GROUND ZERO by F. Paul Wilson
• HOSTS by F. Paul Wilson
• JACK: SECRET CIRCLES by F. Paul Wilson
• JACK: SECRET HISTORIES by F. Paul Wilson
• LEGACIES by F. Paul Wilson

Offering “horrifying tales and visions of madness, death, love and God,” J. Morvay’s BIBLE BLACK is a horror anthology semi-disguised as a graphic novel. I can recommend it for fans of both, with one dire warning: Clearly, it’s not for the easily offended. Really, really not.

This is evident from the start, with a take-it-or-leave-it quasi-poem about the creator of the universe that will determine whether readers will stop there or continue on. Those who take the latter path will meet “Crazy Crackers,” a World War II soldier who falls in love with a German prostitute and becomes convinced she can love him, too. Grim consequences await, of course.

“Godless” concerns a young couple who find themselves pregnant unexpectedly at a time when abortion was illegal, in the mid-1960s. Since they’re both scared and no longer attached, they pursue a solution of the back-alley variety, only to find the fruit of their loins isn’t your ordinary fetus.

In the same time period, “Stickey Dollars” is about a group of horny boys who visit an old woman who believes — there’s just no way to sugarcoat this — that rubbing semen over her skin is the secret to the fountain of youth. Yeah, it’s sick, and so is “Hollow Cause,” the story of a Nazi whose job it is to club concentration-camp arrivals.

This is horror to the extreme, illustrated by a variety of talented artists, but the most disturbing pictures are the ones that Morvay’s words will percolate in your mind. For more Morvay — and comparatively more suitable for mainstream audiences — try his LOBSTER GIRL comic book. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon or Lobster Girl Comics.

TAILS OF WONDER AND IMAGINATION is a selection of science-fiction, fantasy and horror stories relating to a somewhat unexpected theme: cats. Edited by Ellen Datlow, it is another collection in a wave recently published by Night Shade books, falling in among THE LIVING DEAD and BY BLOOD WE LIVE.

While I would never consider myself much of a “cat person,” at least not in so far as I would be keen to read an anthology on them, I was intrigued by this book in large part because of the participating writers: Datlow’s varied selection includes works by well-known authors such as George R.R. Martin, Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, Joyce Carol Oates and Lewis Carroll, as well as dozens of other writers.

With 40 stories, this 464-page collection is a tribute to the enduring power and mystery of the feline, be it house cat, kitten, manticore, sphinx, puma, jaguar, sabre-tooths or fantastical creatures. Because of the broad scope of catlike critters included, TAILS promises to have something to appeal to everyone, whether a “cat person” or not.

The selection of stories presented is strong, with enough variety of genre, subject, time period and writing style (not to mention feline featured) to keep the bulky book from becoming too one-dimensional. As can be expected from any anthology from such a large number of authors, the tales can be a bit inconsistent, with some markedly more interesting and well-written than others. Some of the stories are surprisingly disturbing — such as the one that involved a company that experimented with throwing cats from one employee to the next until each cat died — while others are touching tributes to the graceful creatures that have come to inhabit numerous homes, not to mention myths and works of fiction.

Unlike some anthologies, Datlow has gone to great lengths to include a short bio of each contributor before his or her piece, as well as a bit of information about the original idea behind them. This provides some context for many of these seemingly off-kilter tales. Reading this info before each story made the entire book a bit of a halting read, but it was worth it for some background to the experience or mind-set of each writer.

Overall, TAILS OF WONDER AND IMAGINATION is a clever collection of cat stories, focused enough to appeal to the cat lover, but broad enough to be of interest to any science-fiction, fantasy or horror readers. I might not recommended reading the whole thing in one sitting — it can feel uneven and a bit overwhelming — but the contents are worth dipping into here and there. As an aside, it would also make a great gift for any genre-loving cat person. —Kerry Serini

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF ELLEN DATLOW:
• THE DEL REY BOOK OF SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY: SIXTEEN ORIGINAL WORKS BY SPECULATIVE FICTION’S FINEST VOICES edited by Ellen Datlow
• INFERNO: NEW TALES OF TERROR AND THE SUPERNATURAL edited by Ellen Datlow

Two books on Alfred Hitchcock’s PSYCHO were released recently. One is THE MOMENT OF PSYCHO: HOW ALFRED HITCHCOCK TAUGHT AMERICA TO LOVE MURDER, by the renowned film critic David Thomson. The other is THE PSYCHO FILE: A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO HITCHCOCK’S CLASSIC SHOCKER, by the comparatively unknown Joseph W. Smith III.

Smith’s will cost you nearly double the retail price, but whereas Thomson’s book is a slim, overpriced, glorified essay, Smith’s really digs into its subject, giving you more for your money. (Okay, so neither have anything on Stephen Rebello’s excellent ALFRED HITCHCOCK AND THE MAKING OF PSYCHO, but that one’s, like, old.)

Reading Smith’s book is like taking a film class from him, minus the exorbitant per-credit-hour fees, as he breaks PSYCHO down theme by theme, scene by scene, but in a detail that’s fascinating, as opposed to boring. You may want to cue up your DVD and play along, but he has many fine points to discuss, some of which I’d never considered before … and I actually took a Hitchcock course in college.

For example, he refutes Hitchcock’s notion — and critics’ long-held belief — that Norman Bates’ knife never is shown entering Marion Crane’s body, and a screencap proves this. The end subliminal shot of Mother’s skull over Norman’s face is famous, but I’d never noticed the addition of the chain serving as hangman’s noose. And Smith has an interesting parallel to draw between the human eye and the shower head.

The movie’s influence is examined briefly in a closing chapter, as are the various sequels and spin-offs, none of which Smith is all that excited about. Compared to the original, sure, they can’t hold a candle, but on their own, most of them are fun — much like this book-length lesson. —Rod Lott

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Scouring out the weekly singles scene … in comics!

MCSWEENEY’S recently did an entire issue in the form of a Sunday newspaper. The good news: They’ve now released THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA COMICS section on its own. The tabloid-sized section will set you back $7, but it’s full of terrific, esoteric strips from indie artists and writers. Name one other paper where you’d see something called The Christian Astronauts on its front page. (That one’s courtesy of Daniel Clowes.) Chris Ware does his usual, ultra-minute glimpse into someone’s depressing life; Erik Larsen turns in an action-packed adventure starring Savage Dragon; and Art Spiegelman laments the loss of childhood. Also look for Kim Deitch, Ivan Brunetti, Adrian Tomine and others. The back page of games is a riot. Basically, this reads like an extension of MCSWEENEY’S #13, which is a genius anthology of hardcover comics.

Hey, who wants another big event from Marvel? No one? Well, they’re doing one, anyway, and at least you can preview it for free with the X-MEN: SECOND COMING: PREPARE #1 giveaway. The “prepare” must mean to prepare to part with about $84 if you’re going to buy all the issues in which the story will play out between now and July. That plot has to do something with the X-Men coming back after a severe decrease in the mutant population, but the six-page glimpse here — count ‘em, six! — confused me more than tempted. The rest of the issue is ads, sketches, more ads, checklists, more ads, more checklists, more ads and more checklists. Prepare to not care.

Things open up a bit for SPIDER-MAN MAGAZINE #9, deviating from the bimonthly’s usual formula, although the content remains all-ages. There are four Spidey stories, most notably his much-ballyhooed team-up with President Barack Obama. (Side note: These Obama comics have. Got. To. Stop. Their novelty wore off immediately.) In others, The Chameleon assumes the identity of Aunt May; Spidey and Cap do battle against a robot Abraham Lincoln; and Black Cat pegs a museum heist on our favorite web-slinger. An Iron Man adventure pits Tony Stark against underwater techno pirates, and the fun finishes up (early) with several of those atrocious “Super Hero Squad” strips. Other than that, all’s well.

Wolverine’s known for occasionally cracking wise, but WOLVERINE: SAVAGE #1 practically turns him into a vaudeville comedian. You decide whether that’s good or bad. Ryan Dunlavey and Richard Elson’s one-shot has him fighting The Lizard in a sushi restaurant, wrecking the premises in the process. So Wolverine helps the irate owner slice, dice, chop and puree a bunch of fish with his claws to complete a big order. Then he goes looking for the owner’s father in the stomach of a giant sea creature, and delivers a special concoction into the monster’s poop chute in order to be expelled. I’m not making this up, nor the über-silly onomatopeias of “FILET!,” “SMACKOLA!” and “LOUGANIS!” to go along with your usual serving of “SNIKT!” Hey, at least it’s colorful.

Iron Man never had his own black-and-white magazine in the 1970s like so many other Marvel characters, and THE INDOMITABLE IRON MAN #1 seeks to correct that, if only for these 48 pages. Color-free and full of Zip-A-Tone, the anthology does a fun job in aping those rags of yesteryear. Howard Chaykin writes and draws “Multitasking!,” in which Iron Man fields calls from some fellow superheroes while battling a baddie in the air. Duane Swierczynski does even better with “Brainchild,” a futuristic tale where Pepper Potts’ granddaughter seeks the reclusive Tony Stark inside a monolith; Howard Hughes jokes abound. Alex Irvine contributes a text piece on Iron Man’s cyber-chat with DAILY BUGLE readers, and Paul Cornell fronts with the sci-fi “Berserker.” Wish Marvel would do more of these.

Speaking of Iron Man, he graduates to his own all-ages periodical in IRON MAN MAGAZINE SPECIAL EDITION #1. In the first tale, he simultaneously goes head to head with the Spymaster and a disgruntled employee. In another, he joins Spider-Man and The Hulk to battle the evil Mandarin, which will ring familiar to anyone who picked the story up as a Free Comic Book Day offering two years ago. The magazine also reprints the recent IRON MAN: ARMORED ADVENTURES and IRON MAN: IRON PROTOCOLS almost in full, so if you’ve read those, you’ve already read most everything here. —Rod Lott

She’s back, pimpin’ out notable new releases to place on your radar!

SPELLWRIGHT by Blake Charlton — Nicodemus is a young, gifted wizard with a problem. Magic in his world requires the caster to create spells by writing out the text … but he has always been dyslexic, and thus has trouble casting even the simplest of spells. And his misspells could prove dangerous, even deadly, should he make a mistake in an important incantation. Yet he has always felt that he is destined to be something more than a failed wizard. When a powerful, ancient evil begins a campaign of murder and disruption, Nicodemus starts to have disturbing dreams that lead him to believe that his misspelling could be the result of a curse.

OUR LADY OF IMMACULATE DECEPTION by Nancy Martin — Roxy Abruzzo is a loud-mouthed, sexy, independent-minded niece of a Pittsburgh Mafia boss trying to go (mostly) straight. She’d like to stay completely out of her uncle Carmine’s shady business dealings, though he’s trying to reel her in. She’d like to concentrate on the architectural salvage business she runs mostly on the up and up for a tidy profit. But Roxy knows where all the good intentions in the world usually lead, and when she can’t help herself from tucking away an ancient Greek statue that’s not really hers, she pays for it by getting caught up in the chaos surrounding the sordid murder of the statue’s former owner, heir to a billion-dollar Pittsburgh steel fortune.

HUSH by Kate White — When Lake Warren learns that her husband, Jack, is suing for full custody of their two kids four months after their separation, she’s pretty certain that things can’t get any worse. The upside is that she’s working with the Advanced Fertility Center as a marketing consultant, alongside the attractive, flirtatious Dr. Keaton. But the morning after their one-night stand, Lake finds Keaton with his throat slashed and discovers that things can indeed become worse — they can become deadly. Strange clues begin dropping — quite literally — on her doorstep, and Lake realizes that she is dangerously close to dark secrets, both about Keaton and the clinic. Can Lake stop what she’s started before it’s too late?

FACES by Martina Cole — Just before Danny Cadogan’s 14th birthday, his father leaves. Having drunkenly run up a gambling debt he cannot pay, Big Dan Cadogan takes the wrath of the men sent to collect the debt. Determined to protect his mother, brother and sister, something changes in Danny and, overnight, he turns into a young man set on making his way in a violent and dangerous world. And so, with his childhood friend, Michael Miles, providing the brains behind the operation, Danny Cadogan becomes a Face. Not just a Face, but the most feared Face in the Smoke. Out for all he can get. At any cost.

A HUNDRED OR MORE HIDDEN THINGS: THE LIFE AND FILMS OF VINCENT MINNELLI by Mark Griffin — He was the acclaimed director of such cinematic classics as MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS, AN AMERICAN IN PARIS and GIGI, and equally well known for his tumultuous marriage to the legendary Judy Garland. But to say that Vincente Minnelli’s conflicted personal life informed his films would be an understatement. As Mark Griffin demonstrates in this biography of the Academy Award–winning director, Minnelli was not only building a remarkable Hollywood legacy, but also creating an intriguing autobiography in code. Drawing on interviews with such icons as Kirk Douglas, Angela Lansbury, Lauren Bacall, Tony Curtis and George Hamilton, Griffin revealing long-kept secrets at the heart of the enigmatic Minnelli’s genius.

Buy them at Amazon.