The 5 Reasons I Love the Public Library
The secret to serenity is balance. I bet Deepak Chopra wrote something like that in one of his books. It seems like something he would tell people and if he does, he’s right. Without a see, you cannot saw. A zig is pathetic and meaningless without a zag, and it is for that reason I have taken it upon myself (believe me, no one is asking me to do this) to right the karmic of this blog with a positive counterpoint to Mr. Fowler’s recent passionate and heartfelt description of the folks who make his library experience a negative one.
In my case, though, I shall not focus on individuals so much as the public aspects of libraries that genuinely benefit my life.
THEY SAVE ME MONEY
Now this one might seem like a no-brainer, but the fact is that I haven’t actually borrowed a book, CD or movie from the library in the past 10 years. In fact, the only times I’ve ever actually gone into one during that time has been when I needed an admittedly pathetic ego boost and went in to check how many of my own books they have in stock and – more importantly – how many have been checked out or put on hold.
No, when I praise the library system for saving me money, I do so because they provide a nice warm shelter for the homeless men and women who might otherwise hassle me for spare change while I walk down the street. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than telling a panhandler that I have no change to spare while my pockets jingle musically with the sound of coins as I walk past them, so I am very grateful to any institution that helps me avoid such unpleasant situations.
THEY’RE A GREAT PLACE TO MEET WOMEN
People will tell you grocery stores are the place to go if you’re a single man looking for someone to love, and they’re right, but libraries are good, too. Plus, there’s a much better chance that the women you meet in a library will be actually able to read, which is always a plus in my book.
FREE BABYSITTING
Say you do happen to meet a woman willing to consider your ugly ass and you convince her to go out and grab a coffee, but she’s a single mom and you don’t want her living reminder of sexual relationships past to mess up your groove. What can you do? Well, that’s the great thing about a library! You don’t have to do anything! Just sit the kid in the kids’ section, plop a BERENSTAIN BEARS book in front of them and you are good to go! It’s a universally known fact that all librarians are incapable of having children of their own, so they always love having as many youngsters as possible surrounding them in order to nurture those parental instincts fate has otherwise denied them.
FREE MOVIES
Where else can you indulge your secret desire to watch NATIONAL LAMPOON’S DORM DAZE 2 without actually having to pay to do it? The Internet, you say? Well, that’s true, but your chances of downloading a potentially hard-drive-crippling computer bug are much lower when you just go to the libraries.
LIBRARIANS ARE HOT
And that includes the bitter, elderly, mannish ones. All you have to do is take off their glasses and let down their hair. It is the one movie cliché I have never seen proved false. –Allan Mott
Yes, it’s true, I am hot as all get-out. Especially the birker ’stache I’ve recently cultivated.
Hoever, we can have children, it’s just that after endless days of chasing after kids because their parents are too lazy to disciplne them, we just don’t want them.
And DORM DAZE may seem weird to have, but I’ll bet
a) it was a donation to the library, and
b) it’s been checked out many, many times.
Sorry, I meant ‘biker’ stache.
Good stuff.
For the next chapter in the Public Library series, I’d like to see a group of people hole up inside a library during the zombie apocalypse.
Dibs on that story!
The story is all yours, Corey. I followed your link and learned about your book. It sounds pretty interesting. Sooner or later I intend on reading it.
I’m glad libraries are being defended, I love my local library. I can read all the books I want, for FREE! I check them out, read them, and then give them back. Since I live in the suburbs, there’s no problem with homeless people camping out, and the librarians are ok, they don’t bother anyone unless you bother them first.
It’s very different if you’re living in a small town in the middle of a pine forest - no homeless people, only your neighbors are at the library. I love mine and so do my almost-five-year olds. Checking out a Thomas Train movie is high on their list of exciting things to do.
The high-tech aspect is my fav. I sit at home, request a book online, and an email tells me when it’s available to pick-up. I’m almost happy paying taxes when I think of this!
I like libraries because they’re one of the few places left that doscourages people from being loud and obnoxious. There amy be homeless people hanging out, but you can bet they’re the most well behaved homeless you’ll ever see.
I loved the “5 reasons I hate the Public Library” piece, and I love this one, too! And for the same reason - it’s all true!
Again, having worked in a large public library, I can attest to the facts: girl-watching is at a premium, you have instant and convenient access to books, movies and all other library material, the hours are good, the job is mostly peaceful. The fact is, I DO LOVE the library. I would never say that I HATE the library - that’s just wrong. However, that didn’t prevent me from seeing the bits of truth and humor in Mr. Fowler’s writing.
thanks,
Hyper Thalamus,
http://www.hyperthalamus.blogspot.com