Our end-o’-week roundup of what you missed while working for The Man!

This week’s FRIDAY AFTERNOON REGASM is coming straight toward you from my weekend retreat in lovely northeastern Wisconsin. The state of Wisconsin is a reader’s paradise: Life moves at a slowish pace, and there are tons of great used bookstores, since the entire state is essentially nature’s version of a cool, dry place.

The other benefit of this location is the availability of Sun Drop*, the world’s greatest soda.

MONDAY >> 7.3.06
One thing I love about reading genre fiction is that the writers are, generally, not such big stars that they won’t respond to your fan mail. Monday’s NEWSGASM talked about one such well-mannered writer, F. Paul Wilson, whom I’ve sent congratulatory e-mails to several times. I really dig his work, and the universe he’s created around Repairman Jack is a good one. All the better that the books are getting bargain prices. Call me old, but back in my day, $4.99 wasn’t considered a bargain. Also, regular tacos were 49 cents.

We also noted our condolences at the passing of sci-fi publisher Jim Baen, took a look at some super-short horror and aimed another cheap shot at John Ringo.

Meanwhile, Bruce Grossman laid claim to Peter J. Evans’ BLACK DAWN, which takes a gander into the 2000 A.D. world of Strontium Dog, and once he figures out what the hell happened in the first two books, he finds it a bracing, action-filled tale. Also, he seemed to have something against the purple-skinned, pink-haired girl dressed like a dominatrix on the cover. Can anyone say “repressed memories”?

Not satisfied with being credited with half of Monday’s content, Grossman grabbed two-thirds of the day’s take with his most recent installment of BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS. He put his sanity on the line for you, the reader in this installment, reading such badly clad books as BIMBOS OF THE DEATH SUN by Sharyn McCrumb and the perennial favorite AN AFFAIR OF SORCERERS by George C. Chesbro (it’s another Mongo mystery, dontcha know). Get this guy something from Hard Case Crime, stat!

TUESDAY >> 7.4.06
Foreign readers might not know it, but the 4th of July is a holiday here in the U.S. Most people get the day off of work, fire up the charcoal and grill some meat to commemorate America’s independence from the Beckham-bent British. But our editor Rod Lott hates America, and he proved that hate with this week’s BOOK WHORE, in which he pimps out Lawrence Block’s HIT PARADEand Jay Bonansinga’s TWISTED.

It was his way of saying, “Take that, Dick Cheney!”

WEDNESDAY >> 7.5.06
Rod Lott went after the newest Hard Case Crime novel with zest, calling Donald E. Westlake’s LEMONS NEVER LIE “admirable.” Not exactly a glowing review, but from a guy who once called THE GREAT GATSBY “an explosion of literary diarrhea,” I guess most authors would love “admirable.”

Speaking of kick-ass female archaeologists, we here at BOOKGASM are all in favor of ROGUE ANGEL: DESTINY by Alex Archer. Lott even dipped into his foreign-language skills by using the word tres, which I think means squirrel. Crazy frogs. Anyway, the book is about said archaeologist and a wicked cool sword.

THURSDAY >> 7.6.06
I find it hard to be snarky about my own reviews. It’s not that I think that my reviews are above derision – exactly the opposite. No, the problem is this: I can dish it out, but I can’t take it. I can hold a grudge against myself for weeks, and it’s only after I buy myself something nice and give myself a certificate for a free massage that I really feel comfortable around me for long periods of time. Confused yet? Then don’t read Hal Duncan’s VELLUM: THE BOOK OF ALL HOURS, because you’ll be off-bewildered the first time the main character turns into a hobbit and his roommate sprouts fairy wings. Just as in real life.

Not to be outdone, Mark Rose entered the fray this week with his look at Will Thomas’ mystery THE LIMEHOUSE TEXT. He calls it “damn readable,” which I think is a step above “admirable.” How could this book go wrong? It’s about detectives and kung fu, which, if you added a robot, monkey or robot monkey, would be just about the perfect book, in my opinion.

FRIDAY >> 7.7.06
It’s been quite an adjustment, having more ladies around BOOKGASM HQ. Yes, they show me up in the hygiene department on an average day, I can’t leave empty cans of imported Sun Drop lying around my desk, and apparently, there’s some rule against boob jokes now, but damn, can they write some good reviews.

First is Danielle Wegelin’s sidelong glance at HOLLYWOOD JOCK: 365 DAYS, FOUR SCREENPLAYS, THREE TV PITCHES, TWO KIDS, AND ONE WIFE WHO’S READY TO PULL THE PLUG. I quit halfway through reading the title, but gutsy Danielle read both the whole title and the rest of Rob Ryder’s memoir. Exactly as I suspected halfway through the title, this book is a crappy, name-dropping mess. Thanks for jumping on that grenade, Danielle!

Rounding out the day, and, indeed, the week of book reviews is BOOKGASM newcomer Rebecca Brock’s look at Stephen Spignesi’s DIALOGUES. In topping off this week of tepid praise, she says it’s “halfway decent.” Reading halfway-decent books and using phrases denigrating to Gypsies is all part of the package here at BOOKGASM, and I hope you say a quiet “thank you” to us the next time you go to Barnes and Noble, because you’ll see a book like DIALOGUES, get intrigued by the cover and the promise of a “twist,” and immediately say, “Rebecca said this wasn’t fully decent. I’m going to save my hard-earned money and pick up some Hard Case Crime
paperbacks. Thanks, BOOKGASM!”

So there you have it. It wasn’t a pretty week for us, but that’s the publishing industry for you. If we didn’t take the good with the bad, we:
1) would be doing you, our most favorite reader, a ghastly disservice, and
2) wouldn’t get as many free books in the mail.

See? It’s all for you. Enjoy. –Ryun Patterson

*Which I’m totally hopped up on right now.

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