Despite a shortened workweek here in the U.S. of A., your friends at BOOKGASM managed to crank out the content like nobody’s business.
Where did that phrase come from, by the way? Was there a man named Nobody who did a really good job in the mercantile arena? I can’t see any sense to it, and believe me, I can make sense out of a lot of things.*
However, I digress.
MONDAY >> 5.29.06
Rod was all over Penguin’s reissue of Paul Gallico’s THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE. I can’t for the life of me figure out why this was ever popular. The whole shtick is just that the boat’s upside down? Nothing else? Call me desensitized, but there needs to be at least a rogue ape or deranged robot or something running about.
Not only did Miriam Engelberg get cancer and become a shallower person, but our very own Brian Winkeler decided to kick her in the ribs while she’s just getting her hair back. He says CANCER MADE ME A SHALLOWER PERSON: A MEMOIR IN COMICS is "surprisingly vanilla" and that the author has an "inability to set up and deliver a truly effective joke." He then proceeded to have 50 Domino’s pizzas delivered to Engelberg’s house (C.O.D.) and call her at all hours of the night playing Johnny Mandel’s "Suicide is Painless" over the receiver. Mental note: Winkeler is not a man to be trifled with.
Rod Lott took a similarly spiteful view of Jennifer Saginor’s memoir PLAYGROUND: A CHILDHOOD LOST INSIDE THE PLAYBOY MANSION. If anybody hasn’t figured it out yet, it’s probably not a good idea to raise your kids in the Playboy mansion. (Unless that kid is me.) Apparently, it supports the objectification of women. Huh. Who knew?
TUESDAY >> 5.30.06
This week’s BOOK WHORE took a strangely self-referential turn. B-dub, as I call her, pimped a gaggle of books, including new books by Dean Koontz, Jeffery Deaver, and Preston and Child. Then Rod Lott (those are his legs in the picture, you know) shows up to mug for the camera and plug his lovely wife’s book (which is, of course, THE STORK REALITY, by Malena Lott). Wait, where exactly does he fit into the narrative? I always thought that he was the narrator. Am I the only one concerned by this? If so, check out THE STORK REALITY by Malena Lott, on shelves now, followed soon by the sequel, I CAN MAKE MY HUSBAND DO ANYTHING. Strangely enough, my wife’s working on that same book.
BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS goes down the espionage road less traveled. It starts with used-bookstore stalwarts Nick Carter, Matt Helm and The Destroyer, but the latter part of the column exposes some truly hidden gems, Edward Aarons’ ASSIGNMENT BURMA GIRL and Len Deighton’s AN EXPENSIVE PLACE TO DIE. If nothing else, they beat the crap out of ASSIGNMENT AT MADAME DRACULA’S.
No doubt while neglecting his three children, Mr. Lott read Grant Morrison’s SEVEN SOLDIERS OF VICTORY: VOLUME TWO, and I’m not sure if even Morrison can make something out of these characters. Shining Knight? Give me a break. Why didn’t you include Bouncing Boy?
Stop the presses! We’ve got a situation here. For once, the esteemed pages of BOOKGASM have seen a lukewarm review for a Hard Case Crime release: Rod Lott said "eh" to Madison Smartt Bell’s STRAIGHT CUT. Now he’s no Canuck, so when Lott says "eh," he means "I humbly invite the editor of Hard Case Crime to strap me to the hood of his muscle car and drive the wrong way down the freeway." Them’s some strong words, buddy.
WEDNESDAY >> 5.31.06
Marvelous Mark Rose entered the ring Wednesday with a double serving of critical praise Wednesday. He wrote a love letter to the shady attorneys of William Lashner’s MARKED MAN, exposing a web of dying Greeks, jaded ironists and unbeknownst tattooing that "should appeal to a broad audience of mystery lovers."
Then Mark really stepped up to the plate with Peter Robinson’s PIECE OF MY HEART, which, besides referring to bands that only Rose and Robinson have ever heard of, is apparently full of music, murder and abbreviated titles such as "Det. Chief Insp. Alan Banks." You can say that again. What he fails to mention, however, is that Malena Lott’s book, THE STORK REALITY came out this week. You’d like her if you ever met her, so I think that’s reason enough to give it a shot. Give it to your mom, if nothing else. That’s what I’m going to do.
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA is my favorite show on TV these days, so I was happy to us getting a plug in for Dynamite Comics’ 25-cent #0 issue, which came out this week. For the record, I think Tricia Helfer is the third-hottest Cylon on the show (see Exhibit A), and that’s not including Xena.
We being buried in books here at BOOKGASM, and as fun as that is, we took a step to alleviate this exquisite pain Wednesday by advertising for a reviewer, for which no one yet has stepped forward to apply. If you don’t think you’ve got the chops for it, take a deep breath and look at the site. It’s called BOOKGASM, for God’s sake! We spend half the time talking about the editor’s wife’s new book (THE STORK REALITY, by Malena Lott, just $6.99, available now). Can you speak English? You’re in. Seriously.
THURSDAY >> 5.01.06
The cavalcade of BOOKGASM kept rolling Thursday, unafraid of outdoing itself or getting the week-in-review writer fired from his day job. We did our regular check on the top search terms of the month, and once again I am in the top 6. What can I say? People love my spoilers. And Evangeline Lilly nude.
Rod Lott continued his unabated charge throuugh Marvel’s back catalog, and it’s getting a tad thin, I would say. This time it’s ESSENTIAL KILLRAVEN: VOL. 1. Despite the good art and a gratuitous Spider-Man cameo, KILLRAVEN disappoints, unless you’re looking for hallucination battles (my all-time least favorite plot device) or "female molecular biologists wear see-through mesh tops and black thongs." Aren’t we all?
BOOKGASM’s range of content continues to expand, and on Thursday we were treated to Rod Lott’s review of a sports book. (If you know Rod at all, this is a real rarity, like the Pope lining up for a matinee of THE DA VINCI CODE.) Rod gives up his second "eh" of the week for THE THINKING FAN’S GUIDE TO THE WORLD CUP, edited by Matt Weiland and Sean Wilsey. I’ve seen the World Cup shut down entire nations, and let me tell you, it isn’t pretty (see Exhibit B). In fact, it’s barely comprehensible. But I think the less we dwell on it, the better. Note to hooligans: I am being forced to write this.
Bruce Grossman took a shine to Cornelia Read’s A FIELD OF DARKNESS, and he’s a hard man to please. The book is a mystery about a reporter’s investigation of 20-year-old murders, and I really have no jokes about it. Sorry.
FRIDAY >> 6.2.06
Adding insult to week-in-review injury, BOOKGASM’s crack team of critics piled it on to round out the week. Not deterred at all by KILLRAVEN, Rod previewed Marvel Comics’ October release of ESSENTIAL HORROR: VOL. 1. I really love those horror titles. The vampires were great and you can never write off the Son of Satan. Perfect to take off the autumn chill.
Seeing as how he was already in a horror state of mind, Rod looked to the adorable child cannibals of Jack Ketchum’s OFF SEASON. I don’t know about you, Dear Reader, but there really aren’t enough child cannibal books anymore. I see a whole niche there: cannibal spies, cannibal superheroes, etc. I wish that the publishing companies would take a shot with this kind of edgy stuff more often; it really eats at me that they don’t.
Wrapping up the reviews for the week is Mark Rose’s radical writeup of SHOTGUN OPERA, which just sounds awesome. (Almost as awesome as, oh, Malena Lott’s THE STORK REALITY.) Just as there’s a time and place for flesh-eating toddlers and topsy-turvy boats, we need a senseless orgy of firearms now and then. I have a feeling that if you liked BATTLE ROYALE at all, you’ll get a blast out of this one.
Wow, what a week. I’m spent.–Ryun Patterson
*Like why ellery and jarlaxle had sex in the promise of the witch king.
