Welcome to your FRIDAY AFTERNOON REGASM, the first of a weekly BOOKGASM roundup aimed at all of you corporate lackeys who spend the last couple of hours of the workweek surfing the ‘net on The Man’s dime. Here’s what you might’ve missed the past five days in BOOKGASM land while you were assembling Excel spreadsheets and having your soul sucked dry. Just click the links if you don’t believe us, slackers!

MONDAY >> 5.8.06
BOOKGASM started the working week with a splash. On Monday, Rod Lott aimed his critical eye at ELEMENTAL: THE TSUNAMI RELIEF ANTHOLOGY, edited by Steven Savile and Alethea Kontis. If you trust his opinion, then David Gerroll and Lynn Flewelling provide the big hits of a disparate bunch. If you have your doubts about the critical prowess of someone with such a strange name (it’s not even short for “Rodney” – just Rod, as in “stick” or “pole” or “penis”), then at least the proceeds go to charity, and how many books can you buy that are possibly tax-deductible?

TUESDAY >> 5.9.06
On Tuesday the ninth, Bruce Grossman probed the darker recesses of fiction with pulpy examinations of THE OMEGA TERROR by Nick Carter, TARGET: MIKE SHAYNE and NINJA MASTER #1: VENGEANCE IS HIS. While none of the proceeds go to charity, ninjas kick serious ass.

The ever-trashy BOOK WHORE also took a look at true crime – and liked what she saw. Big surprise there.

WEDNESDAY >> 5.10.06
After two days of slim pickings, a cavalcade of content rained from the heavens on Wednesday:

• Rod took a between-the-pages look at Hard Case Crime’s efforts to get the rights to David Goodis’ THE WOUNDED AND THE SLAIN. Well, they don’t really say what they went through – just that it was tough, followed by “to make a long story short,” thus ending the story. I guess words are precious when you work for a company called Hard Case, because you never know when some dame will stick a shiv between your ribs.

• W.D. Gagliani’s WOLF’S TRAP. Now, call me a cynic, but I had this book pegged from a mile away. First of all, the author’s name is totally wack. Secondly, WOLF’S TRAP sounds like a Judas Priest* cover band from Cleveland.

• Free Comic Book Day 2006 Roundup. AMELIA RULES fans, click now to get the lowdown! … Okay, now that they’re gone, I’ll let you in on a secret: There’s no review of the AMELIA RULES book. There is, however, a heartfelt journey into the land of SUPERMAN/BATMAN, JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED, X-MEN/RUNAWAYS, STAR WARS/CONAN, G.I. JOE and THE TRANSFORMERS (more than meets the eye), among others.

THURSDAY >> 5.11.06
Before Marvel repackaged all of their B- and C-list characters into cheap, thick, B&W trade paperbacks, I was reading THE OFFICIAL HANDBOOK OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE, which alphabetically had biographies and data on every character Marvel ever created. That’s why I knew all about Rich Rider years before Rod Lott read ESSENTIAL NOVA: VOL. 1.

If Rod had known what I knew, his expectations wouldn’t have been dashed like they were. It was a sad sight: Rod, crying into his Diet Pepsi, thick chunk of newsprint in hand.

“I didn’t know it could be this way,” he said.

“Get ahold of yourself,” said I. “You’ll always have MOON KNIGHT.”

FRIDAY >> 5.12.06
It isn’t nearly so easy to say “nevermore” to GRAPHIC CLASSICS: EDGAR ALLAN POE. It’s already on its third edition! Simple-minded allusions aside, this tertiary phase of the Poester’s classics done up in funnybook form should be, like, 20 percent scarier, because there are 40 new pages and a 10-artist orgy of illustration over “The Raven.” Get an exclusive sneak peek here.

Another week, another child-rearing book. After subjecting us all to the horrible, horrible, Lovecraftian imagery of “blue Twinkies” a couple of weeks ago, Rod matches wits with Christopher Healy’s POP CULTURE: THE SANE MAN’S GUIDE TO THE INSANE WORLD OF NEW FATHERHOOD, and Healy is found wanting. Seriously, if you want to be a good dad, here’s the recipe:
• 25% Uncle Ben (except for the dead part)
• 15% Professor X (when the kids are good)
• 15% Darkseid (for when they’re bad)
• 10% Jonas Grumby, or “the Skipper,” as he’s commonly known
• 5% each Ward Cleaver, Bill Cosby, Reed Richards, Wolverine, Martian Manhunter, Superman and Sherlock Holmes

And finally, the ever-effusive Mark Rose took on Tim Green’s KINGDOM COME, and found evidence that Green is pushing the limits of human ability: He’s a former pro athlete who’s become a successful broadcaster and a great writer of both nonfiction and thrillers. Why can’t he be president? –Ryun Patterson

* or Ratt