It’s a been a long time since we had some good old Westerns featured here. I could have taken the easy route with books by some great Western writers, but what’s the fun of that? So instead, I’m reviewing three books all under the house author names of Tabor Evans and Wesley Ellis. These are promoted as adult Westerns, so expect some sauciness!

LONGARM #19: IN THE FOUR CORNERS by Tabor Evans – When I picked up this 1980 book, what grabbed me was the man on the horse. It made me think of two things: 1) The cover artist is a big fan of old-school Iron Man. 2) Gee, I bet they are ripping off the true story of Ned Kelly, the Australian robber who made a suit of armor to protect himself.

LONGARM books are pretty much all in the same vein: Longarm works alone and beds pretty much every girl in the book. Don’t believe me? Let’s just say 95 percent of the women is this book all sleep with him, making for a final count of nine, including the robbed stagecoach owner Longarm helps out, two Indian sisters who thank him like no other for bringing back a little boy who sprained his ankle, a Mexican girl who ran away from some prison-like monastery where Longarm sets things straight, two Mormon brides who are not as nice as they seem, a former actress who now runs a hotel and – to finish things off – two women who are on the stagecoach with him to Albuquerque.

But none of the bedding bogs down the incredibly simplistic storyline, since all these events happen while Longarm tracks down a slippery robber named Iron Shirt, whom everyone thinks is responsible for the theft … until Longarm figures it all out, despite not giving the reader one clue for themselves. That’s what makes me as a reader nuts. I mean, the reveal is so over-the-top with the who, whys and hows. Can anyone say deux ex machina? But what do you expect from this type of stuff: RIDERS ON THE PURPLE SAGE?

LONGARM AND THE LONE STAR LEGEND by Tabor Evans – Listed as the first of the LONGARM “giant” novels, this, I thought, would just be more of the same with an added 100 pages. Actually, there is little sex compared to the previous book, as Longarm only sleeps with a waitress and the heroine of this 1982 episode.

But the rest of the book is pretty fun Western action. Longarm is sent to Texas to investigate the murder of a wealthy land baron. It seems that the local law have done nothing about it and the governor can’t be bothered. Longarm figures he’ll go undercover, not flaunting his U.S. Marshal status.

The story follows Longarm to the homestead of the dead man, where he encounters his daughter, Jessica Starbuck. (I get the feeling someone was a fan of the original BATTLESTAR GALACTICA picking that name.) Once he makes himself known to the lady, we get the typical alpha-dog ranch hands’ appearance – you know, the type who tell Longarm to leave and they don’t need his kind.

Coming to Longarm’s aide is Jessica’s trusted partner: a half-Japanese man named Ki, who pretty much does pulls Kane-from-KUNG FU-like moves on the ranch hands, sending them all off on their ways, bitter and swearing revenge. Again, typical Western plot points you’ve seen a hundred times before.

Come to find out the reason for Jessica’s father’s death was revenge, since he was not the nice man as he portrayed himself. While stationed overseas, he killed a man and dishonored the guy’s family. The dead man’s son Danzig – no, not The Misfits’ lead singer – holds a serious grudge. His plot is to take over this area of Texas with a new type of Gatling gun that’s not as bulky.

That’s pretty much the story that is told over the whole book, going into Jessica and Ki’s backstory for good portions. Each of the leads are given their moments to shine, since this was also the launching point of the LONE STAR series. It’s nothing special – not by a long shot – but it’s just the type of Western fix you might need, with added juice. If you come across it, pick it up on the cheap.

LONE STAR AND THE BUFFALO HUNTERS by Wesley Ellis – The LONE STAR books seem a bit of a conundrum for readers. The covers scream Western romance for women, with a touch of action. But the actual stories can get incredibly graphic in some descriptions.

Most of the action follows Ki – or at least in this 1985 one – with Jessica making an appearance, continuing with a storyline of the two tracking down a list of the cartel behind the killing of her father. It seems a very large group of Europeans also were involved, and Jessica’s dad had a book of names and dates that could cause some serious problems overseas.

Now that book has been stolen. Actually, this happened in a previous book in the series, but don’t let the continuity throw you, since it’s basically Jessica and Ki on the search for Angela, the woman who has the book. They’re always a few steps behind her, only to catch up every few books or so, I’m guessing.

This story takes our heroes to the town of Deadwood, where of course, Ki gets himself into trouble right away, while Jessica meets up with an old friend. There is a sequence in the book which will make most men cross their legs, when Ki is almost made into eunuch. It’s told with graphic detail. Even for this type of book, it’s a bit too much.

But that’s nothing compared to the sex scenes thrown in with Ki and a prostitute, an attempted rape of Jessica later on, and of course, Ki and Angela. Meanwhile, Jessica meets up with a English lord who turns out to be a real lout.

Again, it’s weird how these books were marketed, since they’re filled with some great Western action and strong adult themes. But I’ve got the feeling the romance-type covers might throw off some people. Usually, for every 100 LONGARMs, I’ll find one or two LONE STARs, which is a real shame since all their kung fu/karate action makes up for those dreadful NINJA MASTER books.

Next week: trench coats, fedoras and a few dicks. –Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• LONGARM #48: IN THE BIG THICKET by Tabor Evans