10 Books That Changed My Life, Sorta Kinda

THE HARDY BOYS: THE MYSTERY OF CABIN ISLAND by Franklin W. Dixon — This book really fired my imagination, inspiring me to become a boy detective. Relentlessly, I scoured the neighborhood for imaginary clues and suspects. My investigations led me everywhere: bedroom windows, bathroom windows, you name it. I never did solve the mystery of why Mrs. Pendleton took a bath every night at 7:30, but not for lack of trying. UNDERSTANDING ALGEBRA by John D. Baley and Martin Holstege — On my morning walk to school, I jumped a stream and dropped this textbook in the water. Trying to fish it out, I fell in myself. When I eventually trudged into the school building, sopping wet, one of the football players laughed, then held my head under the drinking fountain. Moments later, the principal did the same thing. Just a bad day all around. THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN by Mark Twain — Disillusioned with my teen years, I was reading under a tree in the backyard when a storm blew in out of nowhere. Before I could move, lightning struck the tree and myself, magically transporting me into Twain's masterpiece, where I spent many happy afternoons rafting down the Mississippi and having various adventures. I regained consciousness a short time later, and it took several months of intensive therapy to convince me that it had all been an hallucination. Or was it? THE STAND by Stephen King — Happening upon this beat-up paperback on the subway, I started to read on a whim and ended up becoming so engrossed that I missed my stop. I refused to get off, turning pages all through the night as if under a spell. The next day, a man got on claiming he'd accidentally left the book behind. I told him I'd give it back as soon as I finished. We scuffled. He beat me to a pulp, grabbed the book and, just to rub it in, revealed the ending. I don't know what hurt more: the deus ex machina or the bruised kidney. GRAVITY'S RAINBOW by Thomas Pynchon — At the bookstore, I reached for this at the same moment as a beautiful redhead. Our fingers brushed, our eyes lingered. Even though there were plenty of other copies, she suggested we share it. We went out for coffee. The very next day, we moved in together. A week after that, she reached for an issue of ROLLING STONE at the same moment as another guy and immediately moved out, taking GRAVITY'S RAINBOW with her. Never did get a chance to read it. DIANETICS: THE MODERN SCIENCE OF MENTAL HEALTH by L. Ron Hubbard — I got stuck in a broken elevator with a woman who pulled out a copy of this and suggested I read it to help pass the time. I politely declined. She insisted. I refused. She opened the book and began to read to me. I hauled myself through the escape hatch in the roof and started up the elevator shaft. She shouted passages at me until I had climbed some 15 floors, at which point her voice faded and I breathed a sigh of relief. On second thought, this might have been something by Danielle Steel.  LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding — I lent a copy of this to a co-worker named Jerry. After a month, he still hadn't given it back, so I began to drop hints about its eventual return, getting excuses about him not having a lot of time to read lately, due to a close family member dying a slow, painful death. Or something. Soon, I was nagging him every chance I got, but his excuses grew increasingly lame. Finally, I was forced to kidnap Jerry's schnauzer and hold it for ransom. The exchange behind a deserted warehouse went smoothly, but the book now had a broken spine and several coffee-stained pages. Our working relationship was never the same after that, and I suspect it was Jerry who squealed on me when I bragged to him about embezzling $19,000 from the company. THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE by Stephen R. Covey — This really helped me to prioritize and be more proactive in my daily life.  HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE by J.K. Rowling — While walking back to my car after buying this book for my niece, I was abducted by a maniac and locked in his dank basement. When he came in to kill me, I started to read Chapter One to him in a desperate attempt to delay the inevitable. Fortunately, the madman was illiterate, and I was able to stay alive by continuing the story, night after night, all the way to the end of the series, which is when he suggested we start on the TWILIGHT books. I told him to just get it over with and kill me. But he couldn't do it; by then, a bond had formed between us. Thanks to me, he had fallen in love with the written word. The last time we talked, he said he had taught himself to read and was even in the process of writing an angry letter to the editor.    THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN by Mark Twain — Disillusioned with marriage, work and life in general, I waited for a storm to move in, then ran out into the backyard with my battered old copy and sat under a tree, waiting for lightning to strike and deposit me back into simpler, better times. I waited in the rain for hours, but no lightning struck. When I eventually trudged back into the house, sopping wet, my wife laughed and held my head under the faucet.  —Ralph Gamelli Buy them at Amazon.

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