What’s been going on at our sister site, Flick Attack, “hitting you with one random movie a day … whether you like it or not”? Here’s just a sampling of what you’ve missed:
• COWBOYS & ALIENS & severe boredom
• Susan Lucci offers viewers an INVITATION TO HELL
• a 1960 adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe’s THE TELL-TALE HEART
• the holiday slasher DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS, which is like if PIECES had a Christmas special
• the hottest Natalie Wood has ever been, in the comedy PENELOPE
• THE WAY OF THE GUN, unfortunately featuring an emergency C-section of Juliette Lewis
• Mickey Rourke backflipping his way out of Danny Trejo’s line of fire in POINT BLANK
• another PARANORMAL ACTIVITY knock-off in the lame GRAVE ENCOUNTERS
• another PARANORMAL ACTIVITY knock-off in Spain’s decent ATROCIOUS
• TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL, and you win!
• Lucio Fulci’s HOUSE OF CLOCKS, where an early scene depicts a woman being stabbed in the hoohah, and her baby-making parts — looking not unlike bait-shop wares — spill out
• Tony Danza being out-acted by orangutans in GOING APE!
How many more reasons do you need?
What’s been going on at our sister site, Flick Attack, “hitting you with one random movie a day … whether you like it or not”? Here’s what you’ve missed:
• Italy’s THE FRENCH SEX MURDERS, which pretty much makes good on that title
• MAXIMUM RISK, just one of many Jean-Claude Van Damme flicks in which he plays twins
• SALVAGE, a cinéma vérité-style horror movie made with a typically bleak European aesthetic — that’s a compliment
• What’s Tina Fey doing a BEER LEAGUE, a lowbrow comedy whose idea of funny is “Practice is for fags”?
• MAHAKAAL, India’s version of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (read: with musical numbers)
• the 1970s’ swingin’, sex-filled THE SECRET OF DORIAN GRAY
• Ti West’s über-grainy bat flick, THE ROOST
• MACHETE MAIDENS UNLEASHED!, the best documentary ever made on the Filipino film industry
• Pia Zadora’s Depression-era, depression-inducing BUTTERFLY
• the spaghetti Western/slasher/sci-fi combo known as the cult fave HARDWARE
• RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD III, the most Shakespearean of the franchise
• the virginity-losing teen comedy LITTLE DARLINGS
• Fisty Hardcheese starring in DELTA FORCE 2
• Pinhead returns to make frat douches’ faces look like strips of uncooked meat at a Mongolian barbecue, in HELLRAISER: REVELATIONS
• Donkey Wang
How many more reasons do you need?
PHOBOS: MAYAN FEAR, Steve Alten’s third book in his “Mayan Prophecy” series, is a doomsday rollercoaster ride of adventure that follows Immanuel Gabriel to the end of the world and back again for one last shot at salvation. During Immanuel’s journey with his deceased grandfather, archaeologist Julius Gabriel, Julius reveals everything the Mayans knew and feared — from the secrets of creation that predate the Big Bang to the existence of extraterrestrials that have come to Earth to save our species.
We have five copies to give away, going to:
• Lisa McNulty of Chanhassen, Minn.
• Page Inman of Asheville, N.C.
• Mark Justice of Flatwoods, Ky.
• Sharon Berger of Albuquerque, N.M.
• Sam Cranes of Los Angeles, Calif.
Buy it at Amazon.
PHOBOS: MAYAN FEAR, Steve Alten’s third book in his “Mayan Prophecy” series, is a doomsday rollercoaster ride of adventure that follows Immanuel Gabriel to the end of the world and back again for one last shot at salvation. During Immanuel’s journey with his deceased grandfather, archaeologist Julius Gabriel, Julius reveals everything the Mayans knew and feared — from the secrets of creation that predate the Big Bang to the existence of extraterrestrials that have come to Earth to save our species. We have five copies to give away.
To enter:
1. E-mail us your name and mailing address (U.S. only; no P.O. boxes) with “Fear itself” as the subject line, to editor at bookgasm dot com.
2. Await Friday, Dec. 9, when we announce the randomly chosen winners.
3. Or, just buy it at Amazon.
What’s been going on at our sister site, Flick Attack, “hitting you with one random movie a day … whether you like it or not”? Here’s what you’ve missed:
• the made-for-TV THE INCREDIBLE HULK RETURNS, whose Thor “acts like Fabio after a week’s training of Hooked on Phonics”
• four movies from 1995 we have virtually no recollection of
• the “welcome mind-rape” known as BELLFLOWER, which involves flamethrowers
• 1932′s classic ISLAND OF LOST SOULS, which explores such issues as letting men “fuck leopard whores freely and without judgment”
• Andy Sidaris’ STACEY, starring Anne Randall as a private detective with a “FONDLE WITH CARE” T-shirt
• DOG SOLDIERS, “very likely the best thing to ever appear on the Sci-Fi Channel”
• the hotel-set anthology DO NOT DISTURB, which “makes FOUR ROOMS look like THE FOUR FEATHERS in comparison”
• France’s tribute to Italy’s giallo, AMER, containing “the best visual representation of an orgasm I’ve ever seen”
• John Stamos’ lone shot at action stardom, NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE
• the 2069-set sex comedy SPACE THING, “so no-budget, its opening credits are painted on naked breasts”
• KRAKEN: TENTACLES OF THE DEEP, featuring “a CGI squid that Nintendo would be ashamed to put in a DS game”
• PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3, which manages to “literally freak us out with a bed sheet. A bed sheet.
• six sex, sleazy and stupid Jess Franco films
• Tobe Hooper’s LIFEFORCE, made in a “time when Steve Railsback was considered a viable leading man”
• BANGKOK DANGEROUS, starring “Nicolas Cage with a lifetime supply of the inkiest shades of Just for Men”
• one sure sign Steven Seagal’s career is totally fucked
• THE STRANGERS, in which Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman “mope around and listen to Joanna Newsom on vinyl” before fleeing said strangers
• one of six underwater movies from 1989, LEVIATHAN, “watchable mostly for the gorgeous Amanda Pays and her irresistible accent (and underwear)”
• TOURIST TRAP, “from the era when Charles Band productions not only didn’t suck, but actually played theaters”
• Fred Williamson and “a Members Only jacket” star in THE BLACK COBRA 2
• A war veteran returns home with “a hankerin’ to kill all those meddling kids” in THE PROWLER
• the wrasslin’ documentary MEMPHIS HEAT, featuring guys who say things like “I was meaner than a damn rattlesnake and tougher than a two-dollar steak”
• Dario Argento’s THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA “likes it doggy-style”
• six actual song titles from MOTHER’S DAY MASSACRE
How many more reasons do you need?
