A silly title belies the maturity and power of Gary A. Braunbeck’s latest horror novel. Instantly, the MR. HANDS moniker brings to mind the five-fingered nemesis of Mr. Bill from those old, darkly comic SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE shorts. There’s nothing comic about this novel – but, boy, is it dark.

After a too-long prologue in which the framing story is set up – a mysterious guy in a bar tells the tale we read to the town sheriff and reverend – we’re introduced to Ronald James Williamson, aka never-captured serial killer Uncle Ronnie. Branded a “retard” by his unloving father, Ronnie discovered at a young age that he had a most peculiar gift: sensing and taking away the pain of children, simply by touching them. Of course, that touch can kill.

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Since this is column number 66 and the chances of me getting to column number 666 is slim, I figured I’d make this a horror column. There are plenty of other sites out there that will do a better job than I – namely The Groovy Age of Horror, which we are all fans of here at BOOKGASM. So indulge me as we go into the world of evil statues, ghosts and Ronnie James Dio lyrics.

INFERNAL IDOL by Henry Seymour – Here’s something you don’t see with a book this type: a relevant cover. Yes, that African statue is a huge part of this 1967 novel. It opens with a old English gentleman named Alastair Newton dying from some bizarre ailment. No one can figure out how his heart just stopped.

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Our monthly depressing look at the search terms that bring pervs to BOOKGASM!

Whether you’re already forehead-deep into the graphic storytelling world or an uninformed newbie looking for an entry point, critic Douglas Wolk makes a great case for comics in READING COMICS: HOW GRAPHIC NOVELS WORK AND WHAT THEY MEAN.

Although lots of single-issues series are discussed, a majority of the works Wolk discusses and dissects are of the graphic novel format (or at least paperbound collections of previously published singles). From all the evidence he’s seen, he proclaims that the true “golden age” of comics isn’t its days of infancy, but right now.

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Detroit P.I. Amos Walker returns in his 19th full-length case in Loren D. Estleman’s AMERICAN DETECTIVE.

It begins on a simple note: Darius Fuller, retired Major League Baseball pitcher, has an adult daughter who will be gaining control of a trust fund in two months. She’s been dating a man her father thinks is a heel and dollar-chaser, and he wants Walker to talk the guy into accepting $50,000 to get out of the young woman’s life. Fuller is on the edge of financial ruin – that pesky IRS – but he has squirreled away some undeclared cash for emergencies.

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In his debut novel KOP, Warren Hammond combines two genres that work so well together: science fiction and hard-boiled noir. For the record, it feels like 70 percent noir, with 30 percent being sci-fi terms and setting. However you split it up, it’s well-crafted, and that’s all you should need to know.

Detective Juno is a crooked and dirty cop, and makes no bones about it, since all the cops on the force on the planet Lagarto are. It’s a way of life for them to survive on their meager pay. He’s not the type who won’t solve a case if he is bought off, but he does take his cut to look the other way.

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After many years and multiple series of mysteries featuring brilliant felines, now we get a few that feature canines as intrepid detectives. J.F. Englert’s A DOG ABOUT TOWN is actually written from the dog’s point of view. The dog in question is Randolph, a somewhat chubby purebred black Labrador, who is pictured very charmingly and appropriately by Dan Craig on the cover.

Randolph is a literate dog, and this makes him special even among other dogs. All dogs can communicate thoughts and interests, but they don’t all have the focus and concentration to form complete sentences and paragraphs of exposition. Randolph can, but of course, he is limited by his species’ restricted vocal cords and peculiar form of body language.

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Anglers and hunters all have stories about “the one that got away.” So do serial killers. Fred Rosen tells some of these stories in THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD: SURVIVORS OF THE 20TH CENTURY’S MOST INFAMOUS SERIAL KILLERS.

Seven survivors of Derrick Todd Lee, Dennis Rader, Bobby Joe Long, Ted Bundy, Richard Speck, Jeffrey Dahmer and David Berkowitz are profiled in this 304-page book. I’m sure Rosen pitched good intentions to his publisher, but the book falls flat with me for many reasons.

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Edited by Glenn Yeffeth, Smart Pop’s JAMES BOND IN THE 21ST CENTURY: WHY WE STILL NEED 007 is, obviously, a collection of essays about everyone’s favorite literary and cinematic super spy. It should be pointed out all of them were written before CASINO ROYALE came out; keep that in mind, since some of the discussions in the book might have turned out different.

Out of all its essays, I found only one lacking, and it’s so early in the book, you likely won’t mind since that leaves so much enjoyable stuff left. The book is broken down into four groups: “The Real Bond,” “Debates,” “Beating Bond” and “Bond in the 21st Century.”

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People used to talk of the STAR TREK Corollary of Three, where you mention two familiar elements, then add a third unfamiliar element in order to give that third element some credibility. An example would be: “Everyone respects the great leaders of the universe, such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Kangar Shaz of the planet Blexo.” Problems come when writers concentrate solely on the third unfamiliar element, and don’t provide the reader with any hooks of familiarity.

This mars the first 50 or so pages of Ed Greenwood’s DARK WARRIOR RISING, a tale of dark elves who live under the surface of the earth, and periodically raid humanity to use as slaves. Greenwood obviously has thought long and hard about his elven society, but he tries to cram too many of the unfamiliar details into the opening pages of the story. It is only when he begins to explore the life of one particular human slave – the Dark Warrior of the title – that we can hook into the story, and start to become emotionally involved in the subterranean world of Niflheim.

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At first glance, the debut issue of Windy Corner Magazine may look like something your kid made one afternoon in art class. And that’s okay, because subverting your expectations only will open your mind to be accepting of all of this indie effort’s innumerable charms.

The brainchild of editor Austin English, Windy Corner is anchored by much of his Crayola-penned comics — slice-of-life pieces about a girl named Francis, dealing with a shaky home life because of lean times and the discovery of her father’s adultery.

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Because time isn’t always kind: economic reviews in a world full of waste!

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and Ben Klein feels fine, but only because he’s all liquored up, in Eric Shapiro’s terrific new novella STRAWBERRY MAN. Stuck atop a skyscraper restaurant with a bartender and two waitresses after a massive tsunami, the former fruit salesman sees little hope with the rising water level and so openly shares a secret story from his past involving a stripper. So horrified are his fellow survivors, they lock him in the freezer to stew in his own insanity, leading to a shattering act. Shapiro continues his hot streak with this taut, tense, tough tale that never wears out its welcome. He’s at the top of his game, and his writing is every bit as good as current horror It Boy Joe Hill, if not better. And dig those sweet, full-page, full-color illustrations.

In 1979, Greil Marcus’ STRANDED asked critics what albums they’d take with them to a desert island. Since music – in form, business and technology – has changed so much since then, Phil Freeman took it upon himself to edit a sequel: MAROONED: THE NEXT GENERATION OF DESERT ISLAND DISCS. Collecting 20 essays, the book is like a CD compilation or various-artists soundtrack: You’re going to be drawn to the acts you know and love, and … well, if you’ve never been a fan of Ronnie James Dio or Scorpions, your opinion will not be swayed. Douglas Wolk makes the best argument for Stereolab I’ve ever read, while Daphne Carr totally taps in to the blood-rush appeal of Spiritualized. Other critics’ choices may raise eyebrows – Skunk Anansie? Really? – and fail to explain why adequately. It’s all a matter of taste, but yours is bound to match up here and there.

Tom Neely’s first graphic novel THE BLOT is one of those enigmatic, “open to interpretation” exercises. Cleanly illustrated and virtually wordless, its sad-sack protagonist leaves home one day, only to encounter a massive but shapeless ink blot, which blacks out some scenery and spills from the eyes and mouths of people he meets. It haunts him at home, it chases him through the streets, it nearly swallows his girlfriend, it turns into a giant dog with tentacles, it makes him hurt himself. What does it all mean? I don’t know, but I enjoyed being baffled. It’s as if David Lynch moved into the wonderful world of Walt Disney. He succeeds at being puzzling … not to mention making ink blots terrifying and nudity look repulsive.

Very British and very meta, THURSDAY NEXT: FIRST AMONG SEQUELS is the fifth adventure for Jasper Fforde’s popular literary detective, Ms. Next. Here, the plot is as difficult to condense as it is to get into, but finds her jumping into books by Jane Austen and Thomas Hardy, even PINOCCHIO, all to save the reading experience. Having Next interact with established characters is the series’ gimmick, and all of its cheeky charm. Fforde exudes much humor, skewing reality TV and saying that “Mr. Harry Potter is unable to attend due to copyright restrictions,” but newbies like me may be confused, then overwhelmed. In that case, small doses is a suggested plan of attack, lest ye OD on whimsy. The occasionally illustrated pages are cartoony and welcome.

In one thick paperback, COMPLETELY DOOMED collects all four issues of the recently deceased DOOMED, IDW’s ill-fated attempt at reviving the black-and-white horror comic-magazines of the ’70s. It worked creatively, just not financially. Here, you get four graphic – in more ways than one – adaptations apiece of four fright greats: Richard Matheson, Robert Bloch, F. Paul Wilson and David J. Schow, with art rendered by such talents as Linotype-loving Ashley Wood and Ted McKeever, among others. Every issue was great, so it’s sad to see it go, but this anthology likely will allow it to find a wider-than-ever audience. I take issue with the COMPLETELY half of the title, though, since this book does not include the supplementary interviews and reviews that bridged the stories. An oversight, but a forgivable one. –Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• DAYS OF ALLISON by Eric Shapiro
• DOOMED #1
• DOOMED #2
• DOOMED #3
• DOOMED #4

To be brutally honest, I just wanted to read some series books for this column, two of which have been covered before. I really blame my lack of cable TV for the reason why our first one was chosen. But I have nothing to blame for selling out to set up a MySpace page for this column.

THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E #3: THE COPENHAGEN AFFAIR by John Oram – There is a fantastic site for all you spy fans out there. I can’t believe I’m promoting anything to deal with AOL, but head on over to AOL Video, because they have a huge number of episodes from this great TV show. I highly recommend the one with a young Rip Torn playing the second coming of Alexander the Great.

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Some books are just made for mindless vacation reading. MAJESTIC DESCENDING – a debut novel from Mitchell Graham – is one of them. Heck, it’s even about a mindless vacation.

Or at least one intended to be that way. Katherine Adams is a domestic-affairs attorney who’s very good at her job. In what passes for a 50-page prologue, we see exactly how good. But the pressures of work, being a single mom and having only nine fingers (I’ll let you discover the reason for yourself) have taken their toll, and a cruise on the Ocean Majestic with her best friend Beth seems to be the prescription to cure what ails her.

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Russell James’ PAYBACK is a British thriller about a man named Carter who has come home to find out who killed his brother. No, not that Carter. This Carter is Floyd Carter, and he’s returned home to attend the funeral of his brother, who was hit by a car.

But Floyd thinks is was no mere accident and wants some answers. But where to start, since he has been living in Germany for the past 10 years? Welcome to the seedy side of London, where people like the Krays are considered inspirations.

While Floyd makes contact with some old friends, he is asked to meet one of the local bosses who want to employ Floyd, and it seems his late brother was involved as a drug runner. And his surviving brother, who could be labeled as slow, is now under Floyd’s care.

As realization starts to mesh in Floyd’s head, he has to contend with another local tough by the name of Richardson, who wants money that is owed to him. But Floyd doesn’t want to pay and he makes that opinion known. You don’t screw with any of the Carter boys.

James is considered a master of British noir, and I could not agree more. This story takes its time to be told and you won’t be able to just fly through it. You’ll want to take your time with this uncompromising tale of the drug world and its gangsters. Police officers are nonexistent in most of the tale, since these are men who have their own code and work things out for themselves.

But as the story builds, James lets things fester for the reader. You want quick results, but you’re taken on a slow ride down some dark alleys that are best avoided in the real world. It seems James is getting a major reissue push – first with this Point Blank Press release and an upcoming book from Stark House Press. –Bruce Grossman

Buy it at Amazon.

All the news that’s fit to capsulize!

SMOKE ‘EM IF YOU’VE GOT ‘EM, ‘POT’-HEADS
Some book called HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS is out tonight. To tie in to this frenzy:
• An article in The Week magazine says that “only two books have more copies in print” than the Harry Potter series, and one of them is the Holy Bible. It also states that two-thirds of all American children read Potter.
• Today offers seven signs you’re infected with Harry Potter fever. I think simply waiting in line for it qualifies you; everything further borders on mental illness.
• Meanwhile, a green biz called Eco-Libris is giving away a free copy as part of its unique “One Tree was Planted for This Book” campaign.

CONTESTS NOT INVOLVING HARRY
• AbeBooks wants to send someone to the John Steinbeck festival, Aug. 2-5 in Salinas, Calif.
• CANDYFREAK Steve Almond will reward the best Steve-like rant with an autographed copy his new essay collection (NOT THAT YOU ASKED).

NOT HARRY, BUT HARRIET
Simon Owens has written a terrific investigation to see whether a blurb from Harriet Klausner, Amazon’s “#1 customer reviewer,” means squat. Spoiler: No.

WORLD’S MOST DANGEROUS BOOKSTORE UPDATE!
Because you could get lost in the place, we’ve updated our ever-popular article on the world’s most dangerous bookstore with a handy, navigable map. Dead bodies included! –Rod Lott

Open up any library book you’ve checked out. See that date? Have it back by then or Special Agent Bay of Library Police will be on your ass.

You don’t want him on your ass.

At once a sly parody, engaging police procedural and an unlikely adaptation of a true story, Jason Shiga’s BOOKHUNTER is a wholly original graphic novel with a sense of humor as strong as its franchise-ready concept and its artists’ bold-line style.

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IRONSIDE is the clever name given by Holly Black to the surface of Earth. It is a term used by the faeries of the Bright Court and the Dark Court who live in the hollow hills that surround us humans. They have an aversion to iron, so they use this derogatory term to refer to our world.

Some faeries must live on the Ironside – changelings and exiles from either court – and thus, they are an unhappy lot. Kaye is one such changeling, unhappy because she is in love with the King of the Dark Court, unhappy because she realizes that she was replaced for a human baby and that she wants her human family to be whole again. This is a continuation of Kaye’s saga outlined in Black’s previous young-adult fantasy novels, TITHE and VALIANT.

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Brett Battles’ debut novel THE CLEANER is a thrilling ride, introducing a new spy on the scene: Jonathan Quinn. He’s a cleanup man who will dispose of your bodies and make sure everything looks copacetic. A total lone wolf we’ve seen before in other books, he’s also a mentor to an up-and-coming cleaner named Nate.

Quinn is asked to look into a case of arson that has killed someone important to the Office, the agency for which he freelances. Things don’t exactly add up, especially when they make a gruesome discovery in the back of the victim’s car: another Office worker shot to death. Once Quinn makes it back home, he’s greeted by a man who’s there to carry out his own job: killing Quinn.

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Someone with a name like Xeno Atlas is bound to be the kind of guy who becomes obsessed with a book lost for approximately 700 years. Namely, a book that – as detailed in Nicholas Christopher’s THE BESTIARY – is a comprehensive encyclopedia of all the mythologized animals who didn’t make the cut onto Noah’s ark: hydra, griffins, chimera, phoenix and the like.

Xeno spends years and travels the world trying the locate the lone copy, assuming such a tome still exists. But don’t mistake this for a breakneck, pulse-pounding thriller, because in THE BESTIARY, the primary search is not Xeno finding a book, but Xeno finding himself.

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