From the monthly archives:

October 2006

QUICKGASM >> 10.31.06

by Rod Lott on October 31, 2006 · 3 comments

quickgasmBecause time isn’t always kind: economic reviews in a world full of waste!

deaths dominion reviewUK horror author Simon Clark rebounds in a big way from the singularly wretched THE TOWER with DEATH’S DOMINION, a modern-day FRANKENSTEIN update. In Clark’s imagined near-future, the dead can be resurrected and used as virtual slaves, doing the bidding of their masters without being able to harm them, thanks to some transformation coding. But somehow that last part is lost on Dominion, a monster who clobbers several “Sapheads” (as the humans are called) as he sets out on a revenge-laden journey with fellow “God Scarers” Elsa (subtle, no?) and Dr. Marias in tow. As soon as Dominion revolts – which happens quickly – DOMINION the book takes off and bolts. It may run out of steam before the end, but fright fans will appreciate the straight-ahead horror take as opposed to Dean Koontz’s police-procedural approach.

batman gotham county line reviewWith Steve Niles at the helm, you just know BATMAN: GOTHAM COUNTY LINE is going to go to some strange places. And it does – can you say “zombies”? Aided immensely by Scott Hampton’s gritty visuals, Niles’ tale starts out as a pure mystery, with Batman doing Commissioner Gordon a favor, looking into serial slayings. What he finds goes against the rules of reality. I won’t spoil the reason, only to say it makes sense and addresses an issue I’ve long wondered regarding superheroes’ ability to be only one place at once. Expect not one, not two, but three surprise cameos. And expect a great read. This marks Niles’ first association with DC Comics – hopefully one of many more to come.

dawn of the dead reviewAlso by Niles is IDW’s DAWN OF THE DEAD, a comic-book adaptation of George A. Romero’s landmark zombie epic, coming a long 25 years after the source material. It sticks (with the consistency of blood, mind you) awfully close to the film, earning its status as a straight adaptation. Is such a thing even needed? Not really. Is it cool even still? Pretty much. It has more gushing fluids, flying limbs and exploding heads than … well, just about anything, and Chee’s art does not shy away from the gore, providing perhaps more detail to the grue than you’d ever want to see, in bright, four-color format. Faithful to the film and yet very much up Niles’ viscera-strewn alley, it’s good for horror-comic fans if not exactly what I’d call original.

monopoly reviewYou know how a game of Monopoly can turn from excitement to boredom as it draws on and on? I had a similiar experience reading MONOPOLY: THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS GAME & HOW IT GOT THAT WAY by Philip E. Orbanes. Though he clearly knows this enduring board game’s history in and out – and who knew it even had one this convoluted? – his writing style is rather plain, ultimately failing to excite. The upfront history is hampered by too many real-life characters, which causes confusion, but later chapters are better, as when he details how video games threatened to send Monopoly to the grave until an electronic version helped save it, not to mention brand-extension efforts that includes the ongoing McDonald’s promotion. Points for the extensive photographs of the game, from its hand-drawn inception to the endless anniversary editions, but the near-anal focus on other aspects makes me want to send Orbanes directly to jail.

science fiction century volume 2 reviewEdited by David G. Hartwell, THE SCIENCE FICTION CENTURY: VOLUME 2 is the new trade-paperback companion brother to last spring’s VOLUME 1, both just halves of an out-of-press hardcover edition. But any self-respecting sci-fi fan who doesn’t already own that edition needs to own these. Hartwell is an expert at assembling anthologies, and this short-story roundup is no different, even if its lineup isn’t quite as strong as the previous volume. I attribute that to this one’s heavier reliance on the new stuff, with the roots ignored. Still, there’s an impressive mix of authors here, including Cordwainer Smith, Roger Zelazny and Robert Silverberg. You also get William Gibson’s original “Johnny Mnemonic” (which I find baffling, in a bad way) and Harlan Ellison’s legendary “‘Repent, Harlequin!’ Said the Ticktockman” (which I find baffling, in a good way).

book of renfield reviewNot content with just writing essays on and reviews of B-cinema, VIDEO WATCHDOG top dog Tim Lucas does his best Bram Stoker impression with THE BOOK OF RENFIELD: A GOSPEL OF DRACULA. This novel – more a gap-filler than a sequel – retains Stoker’s structure of telling the story through journals and transcripts as he focuses on Renfield, the righthand (and not of right mind) man of one Count Dracula. As observed by Dr. Seward – when he’s not romancing Lucy Westenra, that is – Renfield snubs the food of the asylum and, unbeknownst at first, provides Drac with the figurative key to domination. Lucas cleaves to the throne of Stoker, capturing his very voice (and even lifting some his text outright). This sometimes results in a narrative that is purposely dry, but necessary to preserve the illusion. It works. –Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• BIGFOOT by Steve Niles, Rob Zombie and Richard Corben
CHRISTMAS STARS edited by David G. Hartwell
THE CRYPTICS by Steve Niles and Benjamin Roman
FUSED by Steve Niles
THE NAIL by Steve Niles and Rob Zombie
THE SCIENCE FICTION CENTURY: VOLUME 1 edited by David G. Hartwell
30 DAYS OF NIGHT: RUMORS OF THE UNDEAD by Steve Niles and Jeff Mariotte
• THE TOWER by Simon Clark

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bullets broads blackmail and bombsHappy Halloween, everyone! Since it’s the scariest day of the year, we delve into the horror catergory. I could have taken the easy route by covering Stephen King and Clive Barker, but I’m not a fan of either. Dean Koontz does nothing for me, and the less said about Anne Rice, the better. If only I hadn’t already read all of H.P. Lovercraft’s stuff, this column would have been a lot better. So instead, I present three horror books that don’t really live up to the promised horror.

ladies of holderness reviewTHE LADIES OF HOLDERNESS by Dennis Fowler – In this 1976 novel, a young woman named Carol Long is trying to put a bad relationship behind her. This means taking what little money she has and buying a bus ticket to the furthest place she can go. She ends up in some little town in Upstate New York. Since she has no real skills (she was a French major in college), she finds a housekeeping job in a home full of 13 old ladies.

As life goes on, she gets a sneaking suspicion that the women share a dark secret. Wow, was I shocked — it’s not like the cover gives it away. Sarcasm mode off. Yes, this book is total escapist Gothic horror, but it also telegraphs plot points like Samuel Morse wrote it. Anyone who has read any kind of horror fiction will be able to figure out what’s really going on long before Fowler tells you. He does well in the Gothic genre, not overstepping boundaries and going over the top at the end, which is a problem with this type of book. But he should have had a conversation with his publishers for giving away so much before page one.

white ship reviewTHE WHITE SHIP by Ian Cameron — Setting a spooky story on a mass of just snow and ice has only really been done once really well, and that was a film: John Carpenter’s version of THE THING. Because the cover promises a cool wrecked-ship discovery in a similar deserted locale, but it never happens.

The only thing that does happen in this 1975 book is that six researchers go to Candlemass Island, where slowly over time, they die by unfortunate circumstances. I could go on about the plot, but there isn’t one – kind of like some episodes of LOST. Literally, pages go by with them taking their temperature and hashing unimportant scientific info. In a word, boring.

The only “spooky” part is that the lead female character, Susan, is somehow channeling the spirit of a girl from the 1800s whose ship crashed there years ago, causing Susan to have that chick’s flashbacks every once in a while.

Geez, was this book a turd of a read. It goes nowhere, took forever to finish and the resolution is such a bore. Damn you, book cover artists. I thought the ship would be haunted by ghosts or something. Nope, there was more action in the film GERRY.

curse of kalispoint reviewTHE CURSE OF KALISPOINT by Mozelle Richardson – Finishing off our Halloween column, we delve into the word of Southern Gothic novels with this 1971 offering. What starts out really promising finishes very lamely.

Anne Corbett has been hired to turn an old Gothic castle in the South into a museum, per the instructions of a will. But once she arrives, she is meet with some resistance from one of the occupants. Slowly, Anne gets the feeling she is not welcome at all, with someone listening in on her phone calls, then finding secret chambers in her bedroom being used to spy on her.

There are spooky elements in the story: The castle seems haunted and is decorated in honor of some witch cult. It really hits the mark when the cook turns up dead upon the rocky shores, with no explanation. But from there on out, the book gets incredibly confusing and weighted down. Anne stumbles upon a blood sacrifice room with another dead person in it. Then there are the mysterious diaries that she has to keep hidden. Once the resolution comes about, however, you just feel cheated; here’s a book promising a ghost story when, in fact, it was more of a crime story.

Next time, I’ll show you a pretty good poker hand. –Bruce Grossman

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Did YOU win THE HISTORIAN?

by Rod Lott on October 31, 2006 · 0 comments

historian paperbackDetermining our five winners of a paperback copy of Elizabeth Kostova’s debut novel THE HISTORIAN was too easy: Because only five people got the answers right.

All you had to do was identify all nine films in the BOOKGASM Cinematic Vampire Cube® below, and you did, but everyone – except the lucky five, mind you – thought the first bloodsucker in question was ol’ NOSFERATU. Wrong! It was ‘SALEM’S LOT. Honestly, we weren’t looking to trip you up there, but thanks – you made the selection process painless!

historian contest downloadThe correct answers, in order, were: ‘SALEM’S LOT, THE LOST BOYS, QUEEN OF THE DAMNED, BLACULA, VAN HELSING, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, TALES FROM THE CRYPT PRESENTS BORDELLO OF BLOOD, DRACULA and NOSFERATU. C’mon, you didn’t really think we’d put NOSFERATU twice, did you? (And can we please take this opportunity to say how creeped out we were as a kid by Klaus Kinski?)

Anyway, these guys and gals are going home with THE HISTORIAN:
• Benjamin Bourke – Boise, Id.
• Greg Cox – Oxford, Penn.
• Eileen Jermaine – Norman, Okla.
• Danielle Lewis – Pittsburgh, Penn.
• Justin Power – Ontario, Canada

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tricia helfer nude nakedWith LOST‘s third season now in swing, Evangeline Lilly’s stock is going up once more, according to the monthly report of search terms that bring compulsive masturbators to find BOOKGASM. Amidst all that Charo and Mimi Rogers and witch sex, a new name pops up on the list: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA siren Tricia Helfer. It’s nice to have a new name around; we’ll take it.

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Grave Descend

by Rod Lott on October 30, 2006 · 5 comments

grave descend reviewJohn Lange’s GRAVE DESCEND, the latest crackerjack thriller from Hard Case Crime, practically writes its own review with a line of dialogue straight from page 24: “It is, after all, a very good story — bizarre sinking of a luxury yacht, with mysterious beautiful girl on board.”

Truth be told, that should be all you need to hear to grab your interest, but I’ll spill a little more. In this 1970 novel, resurrected for its first American reprint, the hero is McGregor, a freelance diver hired to salvage secret cargo from the titular downed yacht, which he’s told went down mysteriously the day prior. Something doesn’t quite up in McG’s mind, however, and when he does some sniffing around a few hours before an agreed-upon, pre-dive helicopter flyover, his suspicions are confirmed: The yacht hasn’t sunk at all.

That’s only the start, but to reveal more would be unfair, especially since DESCEND runs less than 200 pages. With such frugality, this mystery/adventure moves with the speed of a hammerhead shark – which, incidentally, McGregor encounters.

If the Lange name rings a bell, there’s good reason why. And DESCEND exhibits the trademarks of the author’s similar early works, particularly A CASE OF NEED: a blunt, to-the-point protagonist; very short, no-nonsense scenes; quick flashes of action; and, at its heart, a puzzle that’s truly puzzling and at least two steps ahead of the reader. –Rod Lott

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