From the monthly archives:

June 2006

FRIDAY AFTERNOON REGASM >> 6.30.06

by Ryun Patterson on June 30, 2006 · 2 comments

friday afternoon regasmAs you might know already, it’s Friday here at the spacious BOOKGASM headquarters. As the office assistants have a water balloon fight and some guy in an ape suit slides down the pole leading to the first floor, here I am, working to give you, the reader, the best semi-humorous weekly wrapup available on this site.

I don’t need your pity – just your eyeballs, people.

doc savage magazineMONDAY >> 6.26.06
Our interpid reporters for the NEWSGASM feature are still hard at work, which is amazing considering the pay (low-20s) and the benefits (limited beatings). I, for one, am pleased as punch about that, because now I know that there are going to be Doc Savage/The Shadow two-in-one reprints on the way. Who’s your favorite of Doc Savage’s super crew? Mine’s "Rennie" Renfield, the expert engineer with ham-sized fists that could punch the panels out of doors. He didn’t take part in all of Doc’s adventures, but when he did, you knew he was going to punch somebody.

There was other news, too, (the Stoker Awards, Hard Case kudos, Alan Moore’s X-rated fantasy series), and I applaud our writers’ restraint in mentioning M. Night Shyamalan without making fun of his name. That’s played out, but making fun of his movies never gets old.

Rod Lott can’t get enough of Christopher Fowler. He lavished heaping praise on TEN SECOND STAIRCASE, the latest novel in the Peculiar Crimes Unit saga, saying that Fowler deserves recognition on the level of the very greatest mystery writers. Well, if he wants that to come true, the titles of Fowler’s books need the words "murder" or "death" pronto. TEN SECOND STAIRCASE? That’s on the Home and Garden Network, right?

see no evil kaneTUESDAY >> 6.27.06
Movie novelizations and movie spin-off novelizations have been on the upswing here at BOOKGASM, and that fairly unsettling trend continued with Rod Lott’s review of SEE NO EVIL, the novelization of the horror movie starring apparent wrestler Kane. Despite having all these strikes against it, Rod saw good prose and solid horror. I’ll take his word for it.

The BOOK WHORE let us in on the week’s new releases – a fairly dull lot, with the exception of the summary for James Rollins’ BLACK ORDER. The person who writes these summaries should write the novels, because Rollins is one of the most overpromising and underdelivering mothers of the publishing world.

Before he sold his name to a shaving gel company, EDGE was a hard-ass ultra-violent Western anti-hero. Who knew? Bruce Grossman did, and he laid it out for us in glorious, violent technicolor for this week’s BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS. Edge’s real name is Hedges, and mix in the fact that he has a razor secreted somewhere on his person, and viola! A snappy nickname is born. Add to that so much violence it became a selling point (now with two times the bloody just desserts!), and I have no idea why these aren’t sought-after collector’s items. They’re colorful, violent and, best of all, cheap to get out there and consume!

WEDNESDAY >> 6.28.06
fin fang foomMARVEL MONSTERS is exactly what the industry is looking for right now. Nostalgia for somewhat average titles is running high, as are reimaginings of classic characters and themes. The melange of both provided plenty of good readin’ at the Lott household, although I think saying "Fin Fang Foom" too much could stunt his kids’ growth.

And no, I don’t know why I think that.

Moving on, Mark Rose made his debut on this week’s hit parade with a look at the holy thriller THE THIEVES OF HEAVEN. Rose had effusive praise for Richard Doetsch’s style and ambition, and seeing as how everybody’s crazy for books involving those Catholics lately, I’m sure it’ll be an absolute smash hit. I bet it doesn’t happen here, but it’s time that one of these kind of books shows the world the hand grenade that the Pope keeps under his hat. That would be awesome. He’d be all like, "Kiss this, sinner!"

manta rayTHURSDAY >> 6.29.06
Practicioners of water sports beware! The flying mutant manta rays are here! So goes the premise of NATURAL SELECTION, a science-driven thriller that’s a bit too heavy on the science and a bit too light on the hovering mantas of death, according to Rod Lott. I ate ray at a seafood restaurant once, so here’s to hoping that this is fiction.

This is the part of the REGASM in which I am startled at my seeming bad taste: Yes, I liked WIDDERSHINS. Yes, I got sucked in despite its Celtic/bohemian hipster stylings. Yes, my name is spelled funny. Ha ha. Laugh all you want, laughers. But I know that when I discover the Fairy Overlords that rule us all, I get to play the pipes at the fairy prom, and you’ll just be slaves, forced to follow my fairy minion orders. So there. (Fun fact: When Rod first mentioned he was sending this book to me for review, he couldn’t remember the title and called it WONDERSHITS. Ha ha! How does he do it?)

FRIDAY >> 6.30.06
charo nude nakedChecking out the top search terms that lead people to our humble site is the best feature we’ve got. You just can’t dream up things like "mrskin.com password latest june 2006" or "rituals involving semen." Also, when’s the last time a Google search for someone automatically turned up photos of their boobs? I mean, I look for nude shots of Charo all the time, and I get nothing. Nothing.

And the week is wrapped up with Rod’s take on Dean Koontz’s THE HUSBAND. What would you do if your wife was kidnapped and the criminals demanded $2 million? I think that in a lot of cases you could just wait it out, RANSOM OF RED CHIEF-style.

Rod tells me Monday’s posts will come late in the day instead of the usual early morning. So have a great holiday, everyone. Don’t blow off any limbs with illegal fireworks purchased in neighboring states (or nations), and get in some substantive summer reading. Until next week, I’m out. –Ryun Patterson

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The Husband

by Rod Lott on June 30, 2006 · 6 comments

the husband reviewRight from the start of THE HUSBAND, Dean Koontz barely gives you time to breathe. When the book in question is a thriller, that’s a very good thing indeed.

In accordance with the zero-to-60 style of Koontz’s recent VELOCITY, it begins with a jolt as a happily married, mild-mannered Everyman named Mitch Rafferty receives a call on his cell phone informing him that: a) his wife has been kidnapped, and b) he has 60 hours to pay a $2 million ransom in cold, hard cash. The demand seems excessive, given Rafferty is just a self-employed landscaper of a two-man operation with $11 grand in the bank, but to show they’re serious, a man walking his dog across the street is then assassinated by a sniper’s bullet. Those flowers can wait, Mitch.

Under strict orders not to involve the police, Mitch is desperate. But also desperately in love, he does what he can, playing by their rules and exacting instructions. One of his orders is to visit a specific family member who agrees to pony up the money. However, this being Koontz and the book’s halfway point not yet reached, you know Mitch isn’t getting off the hook that easily. In fact, the next couple of days will involve an ever-escalating stress case of multiple murders, deception and a bizarre religious vision.

One wonders if Koontz wrote THE HUSBAND to challenge himself, because it keeps putting Mitch into seemingly impossible corners, even moreso than characters in previous books. Yet Koontz manages to write his way out at every turn, and do so plausibly. The plotting is tight, and the suspense tightly wound, with each chapter ratcheting the already unbearable tension. And before you know it, 400 pages has flown by as if it were 40. That speed brings an end that’s a little abrupt (as is the midpoint twist), but it makes more sense than VELOCITY’s out-of-nowhere reveal. If there’s anything to really dislike about the novel, it’s the atrocious Harlequin-looking cover. I mean, THE HUSBAND may close with one of the most moving descriptions of love I’ve ever read, but this is no romance – it’s one excellent kidnapping tale, and a major return to form for Koontz. –Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• DEAN KOONTZ’S FRANKENSTEIN: BOOK ONE – PRODIGAL SON by Dean Koontz and Kevin J. Anderson
• DEAN KOONTZ’S FRANKENSTEIN: BOOK TWO – CITY OF NIGHT by Dean Koontz and Ed Gorman
• DEMON SEED by Dean Koontz
• THE FACE OF FEAR by Dean Koontz
• FOREVER ODD by Dean Koontz
• ODD THOMAS by Dean Koontz
• VELOCITY by Dean Koontz

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Fun with Bookgasm (and Poseidon rape)

by Rod Lott on June 30, 2006 · 3 comments

poseidon dvd downloadJuly is so close, we can spit and hit it from here. (And yes, we’re taking Tuesday off for Independence Day, but will be back on Wednesday, lest our fingers suffer a firecracker mishap.) All that means is June is all but gone, making it time for our monthly roundup of search terms that bring web surfers to the BOOKGASM – you know, that genre fiction review site with the funny name.

And we read you loud and clear: You want to see Evangeline Lilly nude and/or naked, even if you can’t spell her name. And you’d also like the same of Kristin Chenoweth, Jessica Biel, Uschi Digard and … hey! What’s this? Where are Mimi Rogers’ boobs?

Yes, for the first month in our nearly year-long history, that popular search term has fallen off our fabled list in favor of “murder stabbing,” a little something called “Poseidon rape” and “rituals involving semen.” (I decline to make the really crude joke I just thought of, but really, how do these phrases point people our way?) It’s enough to make you wonder if BOOKGASM has anything to do with books anymore. But then, at the bottom of the list, one smart person shines through and gives us hope for the future…

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49 http://www.bookgasm.com/category/reviews/classics/
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13 the faithful spy review
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1 killraven
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1 book of the dead preston
1 poseidon rape
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1 books

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Natural Selection

by Rod Lott on June 29, 2006 · 0 comments

natural selection reviewEver since JAWS, each summer seems to have its own underwater thriller; this year’s beach-ready entry is NATURAL SELECTION, a debut for Dave Freedman.

His story deserves points from the start for not being about sharks. In Freedman’s book, sharks are breakfast (as are bears) for his creature of choice: manta rays which have mutated and adapted not only the ability to fly and hover, but to grow big, breathe air and kill. Flying fish capable of biting off people’s heads. I’ve never read that before.

This discovery is made by a team of manta ray researchers after reports of sightings, initially derided for smacking of the stuff of urban legends. But when physical evidence proves the new species’ existence very real – an AIDS-like virus is considered the trigger for the mutation – the scientists have to rush to save the oceans and its shores from turning blood red. You get one guess as to whether they succeed.

NATURAL SELECTION itself succeeds in the action sequences, right in the heat of the hunt, and especially the scenes of attack. (One wishes they would have kicked in sooner; all the upfront talk of decreasing plankton levels isn’t exactly a page-turner.) Because of this, you kind of root for the fish. Where the book fails is giving us compelling characters; in particular, the lead character of Jason is almost a non-entity – a brainy but socially inept type who’s all business, quiet and wishy-washy. This in turn makes the romance angle between him and the far livelier Lisa crack under pressure; their mutual attraction is not only unbelievable, but laughable. Witness this seduction scene:

He paused, glancing into the bedroom. Then he noticed what Lisa was wearing. One sexy outfit. Tight low-rider jeans with a black sequined rock-concert T-shirt. “Lisa, my … hard drive hasn’t run in a very long time.” She cleared her throat, reddening slightly. “Neither has mine. And just so there are no misunderstandings, I’m not just looking for … a quick reboot.”

But NATURAL SELECTION is focused on science, not sex. The Ivy League-educated Freedman is obviously a smart guy, with the proof being on the page in passages dealing with the ins and outs of manta rays and the ecosystem of the deep. But the text is missing the sheer zing of a Peter Benchley, a Michael Crichton, a Steve Alten – all of whom the work apes. For it to be as fun as those, it would require some trimming. At half the length, it’d be double the book; as it is now, it’s simply decent. –Rod Lott

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Widdershins

by Ryun Patterson on June 29, 2006 · 2 comments

widdershins reviewNew Age fairy romances are some of the worst examples of fantastic fiction on bookshelves today. Fairy courts, timeless love, spunky characters that have to balance their real lives with mystical crises, blah blah Renaissance Faire blah.

But WIDDERSHINS is different. Strangely enough, all of the above elements figure into the book, and yet it’s good. Charles de Lint has done such an exceptional job with his setting, plotting and characterizations that it smashes preconceptions and puts some old-fashioned wonder and fun into things.

Fairy jokes aside, WIDDERSHINS is – at its most basic – a romance woven into a tale of fairy intrigues and personal demons. Essentially it’s an object lesson in loss and redemption, of sins and forgiveness. There’s nary a nihilistic anti-hero, no absolutely evil force bent on destroying 100 percent pure good heroes. WIDDERSHINS is (dare I say it) a delight. It can be dark and twisted, but de Lint’s book is a fairy tale in the classical sense. It’s not so deconstructed as, say, AMERICAN GODS or JONATHAN STRANGE AND MR. NORRELL, and it’s a little bit shiny-happy, but all things considered, it is a pleasant surprise amid a paperback wastelend. –Ryun Patterson

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