As you might know already, it’s Friday here at the spacious BOOKGASM headquarters. As the office assistants have a water balloon fight and some guy in an ape suit slides down the pole leading to the first floor, here I am, working to give you, the reader, the best semi-humorous weekly wrapup available on this site.

I don’t need your pity – just your eyeballs, people.

MONDAY >> 6.26.06
Our interpid reporters for the NEWSGASM feature are still hard at work, which is amazing considering the pay (low-20s) and the benefits (limited beatings). I, for one, am pleased as punch about that, because now I know that there are going to be Doc Savage/The Shadow two-in-one reprints on the way. Who’s your favorite of Doc Savage’s super crew? Mine’s "Rennie" Renfield, the expert engineer with ham-sized fists that could punch the panels out of doors. He didn’t take part in all of Doc’s adventures, but when he did, you knew he was going to punch somebody.

There was other news, too, (the Stoker Awards, Hard Case kudos, Alan Moore’s X-rated fantasy series), and I applaud our writers’ restraint in mentioning M. Night Shyamalan without making fun of his name. That’s played out, but making fun of his movies never gets old.

Rod Lott can’t get enough of Christopher Fowler. He lavished heaping praise on TEN SECOND STAIRCASE, the latest novel in the Peculiar Crimes Unit saga, saying that Fowler deserves recognition on the level of the very greatest mystery writers. Well, if he wants that to come true, the titles of Fowler’s books need the words "murder" or "death" pronto. TEN SECOND STAIRCASE? That’s on the Home and Garden Network, right?

TUESDAY >> 6.27.06
Movie novelizations and movie spin-off novelizations have been on the upswing here at BOOKGASM, and that fairly unsettling trend continued with Rod Lott’s review of SEE NO EVIL, the novelization of the horror movie starring apparent wrestler Kane. Despite having all these strikes against it, Rod saw good prose and solid horror. I’ll take his word for it.

The BOOK WHORE let us in on the week’s new releases – a fairly dull lot, with the exception of the summary for James Rollins’ BLACK ORDER. The person who writes these summaries should write the novels, because Rollins is one of the most overpromising and underdelivering mothers of the publishing world.

Before he sold his name to a shaving gel company, EDGE was a hard-ass ultra-violent Western anti-hero. Who knew? Bruce Grossman did, and he laid it out for us in glorious, violent technicolor for this week’s BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS. Edge’s real name is Hedges, and mix in the fact that he has a razor secreted somewhere on his person, and viola! A snappy nickname is born. Add to that so much violence it became a selling point (now with two times the bloody just desserts!), and I have no idea why these aren’t sought-after collector’s items. They’re colorful, violent and, best of all, cheap to get out there and consume!

WEDNESDAY >> 6.28.06
MARVEL MONSTERS is exactly what the industry is looking for right now. Nostalgia for somewhat average titles is running high, as are reimaginings of classic characters and themes. The melange of both provided plenty of good readin’ at the Lott household, although I think saying "Fin Fang Foom" too much could stunt his kids’ growth.

And no, I don’t know why I think that.

Moving on, Mark Rose made his debut on this week’s hit parade with a look at the holy thriller THE THIEVES OF HEAVEN. Rose had effusive praise for Richard Doetsch’s style and ambition, and seeing as how everybody’s crazy for books involving those Catholics lately, I’m sure it’ll be an absolute smash hit. I bet it doesn’t happen here, but it’s time that one of these kind of books shows the world the hand grenade that the Pope keeps under his hat. That would be awesome. He’d be all like, "Kiss this, sinner!"

THURSDAY >> 6.29.06
Practicioners of water sports beware! The flying mutant manta rays are here! So goes the premise of NATURAL SELECTION, a science-driven thriller that’s a bit too heavy on the science and a bit too light on the hovering mantas of death, according to Rod Lott. I ate ray at a seafood restaurant once, so here’s to hoping that this is fiction.

This is the part of the REGASM in which I am startled at my seeming bad taste: Yes, I liked WIDDERSHINS. Yes, I got sucked in despite its Celtic/bohemian hipster stylings. Yes, my name is spelled funny. Ha ha. Laugh all you want, laughers. But I know that when I discover the Fairy Overlords that rule us all, I get to play the pipes at the fairy prom, and you’ll just be slaves, forced to follow my fairy minion orders. So there. (Fun fact: When Rod first mentioned he was sending this book to me for review, he couldn’t remember the title and called it WONDERSHITS. Ha ha! How does he do it?)

FRIDAY >> 6.30.06
Checking out the top search terms that lead people to our humble site is the best feature we’ve got. You just can’t dream up things like "mrskin.com password latest june 2006" or "rituals involving semen." Also, when’s the last time a Google search for someone automatically turned up photos of their boobs? I mean, I look for nude shots of Charo all the time, and I get nothing. Nothing.

And the week is wrapped up with Rod’s take on Dean Koontz’s THE HUSBAND. What would you do if your wife was kidnapped and the criminals demanded $2 million? I think that in a lot of cases you could just wait it out, RANSOM OF RED CHIEF-style.

Rod tells me Monday’s posts will come late in the day instead of the usual early morning. So have a great holiday, everyone. Don’t blow off any limbs with illegal fireworks purchased in neighboring states (or nations), and get in some substantive summer reading. Until next week, I’m out. –Ryun Patterson

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Right from the start of THE HUSBAND, Dean Koontz barely gives you time to breathe. When the book in question is a thriller, that’s a very good thing indeed.

In accordance with the zero-to-60 style of Koontz’s recent VELOCITY, it begins with a jolt as a happily married, mild-mannered Everyman named Mitch Rafferty receives a call on his cell phone informing him that: a) his wife has been kidnapped, and b) he has 60 hours to pay a $2 million ransom in cold, hard cash. The demand seems excessive, given Rafferty is just a self-employed landscaper of a two-man operation with $11 grand in the bank, but to show they’re serious, a man walking his dog across the street is then assassinated by a sniper’s bullet. Those flowers can wait, Mitch.

Under strict orders not to involve the police, Mitch is desperate. But also desperately in love, he does what he can, playing by their rules and exacting instructions. One of his orders is to visit a specific family member who agrees to pony up the money. However, this being Koontz and the book’s halfway point not yet reached, you know Mitch isn’t getting off the hook that easily. In fact, the next couple of days will involve an ever-escalating stress case of multiple murders, deception and a bizarre religious vision.

One wonders if Koontz wrote THE HUSBAND to challenge himself, because it keeps putting Mitch into seemingly impossible corners, even moreso than characters in previous books. Yet Koontz manages to write his way out at every turn, and do so plausibly. The plotting is tight, and the suspense tightly wound, with each chapter ratcheting the already unbearable tension. And before you know it, 400 pages has flown by as if it were 40. That speed brings an end that’s a little abrupt (as is the midpoint twist), but it makes more sense than VELOCITY’s out-of-nowhere reveal. If there’s anything to really dislike about the novel, it’s the atrocious Harlequin-looking cover. I mean, THE HUSBAND may close with one of the most moving descriptions of love I’ve ever read, but this is no romance – it’s one excellent kidnapping tale, and a major return to form for Koontz. –Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS AUTHOR:
• DEAN KOONTZ’S FRANKENSTEIN: BOOK ONE – PRODIGAL SON by Dean Koontz and Kevin J. Anderson
• DEAN KOONTZ’S FRANKENSTEIN: BOOK TWO – CITY OF NIGHT by Dean Koontz and Ed Gorman
• DEMON SEED by Dean Koontz
• THE FACE OF FEAR by Dean Koontz
• FOREVER ODD by Dean Koontz
• ODD THOMAS by Dean Koontz
• VELOCITY by Dean Koontz

July is so close, we can spit and hit it from here. (And yes, we’re taking Tuesday off for Independence Day, but will be back on Wednesday, lest our fingers suffer a firecracker mishap.) All that means is June is all but gone, making it time for our monthly roundup of search terms that bring web surfers to the BOOKGASM – you know, that genre fiction review site with the funny name.

And we read you loud and clear: You want to see Evangeline Lilly nude and/or naked, even if you can’t spell her name. And you’d also like the same of Kristin Chenoweth, Jessica Biel, Uschi Digard and … hey! What’s this? Where are Mimi Rogers’ boobs?

Yes, for the first month in our nearly year-long history, that popular search term has fallen off our fabled list in favor of “murder stabbing,” a little something called “Poseidon rape” and “rituals involving semen.” (I decline to make the really crude joke I just thought of, but really, how do these phrases point people our way?) It’s enough to make you wonder if BOOKGASM has anything to do with books anymore. But then, at the bottom of the list, one smart person shines through and gives us hope for the future…

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106 evangeline lilly naked
89 uschi digard
63 kristin chenoweth nude
49 http://www.bookgasm.com/category/reviews/classics/
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28 12 day chase for lincoln’s killer
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2 jack ketchum’s off season spoilers
1 killraven
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1 books

Ever since JAWS, each summer seems to have its own underwater thriller; this year’s beach-ready entry is NATURAL SELECTION, a debut for Dave Freedman.

His story deserves points from the start for not being about sharks. In Freedman’s book, sharks are breakfast (as are bears) for his creature of choice: manta rays which have mutated and adapted not only the ability to fly and hover, but to grow big, breathe air and kill. Flying fish capable of biting off people’s heads. I’ve never read that before.

This discovery is made by a team of manta ray researchers after reports of sightings, initially derided for smacking of the stuff of urban legends. But when physical evidence proves the new species’ existence very real – an AIDS-like virus is considered the trigger for the mutation – the scientists have to rush to save the oceans and its shores from turning blood red. You get one guess as to whether they succeed.

NATURAL SELECTION itself succeeds in the action sequences, right in the heat of the hunt, and especially the scenes of attack. (One wishes they would have kicked in sooner; all the upfront talk of decreasing plankton levels isn’t exactly a page-turner.) Because of this, you kind of root for the fish. Where the book fails is giving us compelling characters; in particular, the lead character of Jason is almost a non-entity – a brainy but socially inept type who’s all business, quiet and wishy-washy. This in turn makes the romance angle between him and the far livelier Lisa crack under pressure; their mutual attraction is not only unbelievable, but laughable. Witness this seduction scene:

He paused, glancing into the bedroom. Then he noticed what Lisa was wearing. One sexy outfit. Tight low-rider jeans with a black sequined rock-concert T-shirt. “Lisa, my … hard drive hasn’t run in a very long time.” She cleared her throat, reddening slightly. “Neither has mine. And just so there are no misunderstandings, I’m not just looking for … a quick reboot.”

But NATURAL SELECTION is focused on science, not sex. The Ivy League-educated Freedman is obviously a smart guy, with the proof being on the page in passages dealing with the ins and outs of manta rays and the ecosystem of the deep. But the text is missing the sheer zing of a Peter Benchley, a Michael Crichton, a Steve Alten – all of whom the work apes. For it to be as fun as those, it would require some trimming. At half the length, it’d be double the book; as it is now, it’s simply decent. –Rod Lott

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New Age fairy romances are some of the worst examples of fantastic fiction on bookshelves today. Fairy courts, timeless love, spunky characters that have to balance their real lives with mystical crises, blah blah Renaissance Faire blah.

But WIDDERSHINS is different. Strangely enough, all of the above elements figure into the book, and yet it’s good. Charles de Lint has done such an exceptional job with his setting, plotting and characterizations that it smashes preconceptions and puts some old-fashioned wonder and fun into things.

Fairy jokes aside, WIDDERSHINS is – at its most basic – a romance woven into a tale of fairy intrigues and personal demons. Essentially it’s an object lesson in loss and redemption, of sins and forgiveness. There’s nary a nihilistic anti-hero, no absolutely evil force bent on destroying 100 percent pure good heroes. WIDDERSHINS is (dare I say it) a delight. It can be dark and twisted, but de Lint’s book is a fairy tale in the classical sense. It’s not so deconstructed as, say, AMERICAN GODS or JONATHAN STRANGE AND MR. NORRELL, and it’s a little bit shiny-happy, but all things considered, it is a pleasant surprise amid a paperback wastelend. –Ryun Patterson

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If Dan Brown’s THE DA VINCI CODE is the anti-matter of Catholic and Christian fiction, then Richard Doetsch’s THE THIEVES OF HEAVEN is the matter. And it does matter because it’s a superb debut novel, a gripping thriller crossed with a strong emotional grid that should make it appeal to a large section of the reading public.

I think what amazes me most about this book is not its sheer ambition for a first novel (the forces of the Lord meet Satan head on in a battle for a religious artifact), not the humility of the author and his writing style (Doetsch’s main claim to fame in the blurb is that he’s the head of a real estate company, and his style is straightforward without tics or ornament), but that Doetsch is really quite good at laying the subtle groundwork of hints that play out later in the book. You read something, and an experienced reader goes, “Hmm, I wonder if…” and then 40 pages later, it plays out. But it’s not always predictable, and that really is quite a feather in the author’s cap.

Doetsch’s characters strike one at the emotional core even though they are clichés. Michael St. Pierre is the felon thief who has gone straight due to the love of his life, Mary. The two are befriended by a brusque and burly parole officer who has a heart of gold. Yeah yeah yeah, we’ve seen it before. But it works here in the milieu of Christian belief and Catholic symbology. And Doetsch works hard to give everyone in this book a background, a motive, a life beyond the page.

Now don’t go getting your knickers in a twist. This isn’t some version of the LEFT BEHIND series. Nor is it Christian dogma masquerading as an action-adventure novel. It’s an exciting tale of a brazen theft that has implications far beyond what the thief originally expected. And when the thief must get re-involved in the caper, the stakes ratchet up another notch. This might be a bit too over the top for those who like their mysteries colored with the pomp and circumstance of the Catholic church (think G.K. Chesterton, Ralph McInerney and hundreds of others), but the muscle of the church and the strength of its believers shines through in this book, and if that doesn’t scare you, then this perhaps should be on your buying list. –Mark Rose

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Marvel Comics simultaneously pays tribute to and pokes fun at their monster books of the 1950s and 1960s with the must-have MARVEL MONSTERS collection. As befitting of that era, Marvel’s creatures were Godzilla-inspired, oversized creatures of the post-atomic age, brought to city-smashing life in tryout titles like WHERE MONSTERS DWELL, STRANGE TALES, JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY and TALES TO ASTONISH (in contrast, DC’s monsters of the time were largely horror).

Five of those “classic” stories are reprinted here in vibrant color, featuring the monsters Fin Fang Foom; Droom, the Living Lizard; Titano; Hulk (no, not that one); and Experiment 247, aka a snapping turtle turned giant thanks to an experimental growth hormone. All of these stories follow a distinct formula – the same as the eerily similar B-movies, incidentally – but are enjoyable for their very antiquated nature. Plus, all but one are drawn by the legendary Jack Kirby. And without those as a point of reference, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the rest of the book, which is where the real meat lies.

For that reprints four 2005 one-shots, each taking on one Marvel monster of the past with a decidedly comedic bent. First, THE GOON’s Eric Powell has the red DEVIL DINOSAUR spar with Hulk (yes, that one), while WHERE MONSTERS DWELL features three shorter tales, with talent like Peter David and Mike Allred spinning stories of the Bombu (think Tiki gods from space), Monstrollo (invading Hollywood, albeit as a suit) and Manoo (in the book’s one story that most resembles yesteryear’s material).

Writer Steve Niles wrings lots of mileage out of his MONSTERS ON THE PROWL issue, having Hulk and The Thing team up with Beast and Giant-Man (of the X-Men and the Avengers, respectively) to rid their fair city of a whole shitload of creatures, accidentally loosed by Mole Man. It contains the finest, funniest Blythe Danner reference in comics history. But Scott Gray’s FIN FANG FOUR is the best of the lot – not to mention laugh-out-loudy – with the Fantastic Four helping to rehabilitate the monsters and have them serve society as valets and chefs. Aided immensely by Roger Landridge’s wonderfully cartoony art (not to mention a cameo from that annoying Herbie), it takes the proverbial cake.

A chunky “from the files of Ulysses Bloodstone and the Monster Hunters” guide is also included, providing lots of info about Marvel’s horrific horde, presented in the form of blog entries, e-mails and various clippings. But I skipped that, because I like my comics with not many words and a whole lotta pictures. Oh, and big-ass monsters. –Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS SERIES:
• MARVEL ROMANCE

If Dan Madigan decides the screenwriting thing isn’t for him, I hope he doesn’t give up horror novels. Because SEE NO EVIL, his novelization of his own script of the current fright flick starring WWE wrestler Kane, suggests a major talent.

The villain of the piece is Jacob Goodnight – though mostly referred to as “the monster” – a simple-minded, mute torturer of humans who sin. Y’know, mostly teenagers. Four years after surviving having a bullet put in his brain by a cop (and then killing that cop’s partner), Jacob resides in the hidden hallways of an abandoned, nine-story hotel. There, the man society would never understand can retreat and be left alone. Except for the weekend when eight juvenile delinquents are brought in to clean it up as part of a community-service program. Jacob doesn’t see eye to eye with visitors … mostly because he enjoys popping said eyes out in collecting them in jars.

Usually in horror fiction, the bad guy’s pool of victims includes one each of all types – the smart kid, the jock, etc. But in SEE NO EVIL, they all pretty much fill the “troubled kid” slot, and Jacob is eager to use his knowledge of the hotel’s secret passageways to his advantage, spying on them from behind two-way mirrors, popping out of elevators and dumbwaiters like a trapdoor spider, capturing them via hooked chains.

Madigan’s story contains many scenes that are suspenseful and unsettling, described quite visually to the point where I cringed. It’s a little long for something sporting a WWE logo on the spine (do we really need to know the backstory of some of these kids’ parents?), but his prose is solid and written with more polish and promise than is usually seen in the genre, and I read a few new horror novels each and every month. A grim sense of humor never hurts, either, and Madigan delivers there as well: “That frantic three-word expletive was universally the second-to-last thing that went through the brains of people who encountered the monster. The last thing entering it was usually an axe blade.” Wicked. –Rod Lott

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Are you a fan of Sergio Corbucci films like DJANGO or THE GREAT SILENCE? What if someone put those in book form? That’s the EDGE series in a nutshell, folks. It proudly calls itself the most violent Westerns and who am I to disagree? George G. Gilman’s books are not for the fainthearted, and this is printed on the front of each book! So let’s get this started with three early adventures of Josiah Hedges or, as he will be referred to from here on out, Edge. He’s called Edge since he carries an old type of razor that would flip open, which he hides in a secret pocket in the collars of his shirts.

EDGE #2: TEN GRAND – Since this 1971 entry is the second in the series, the book opens with Edge working as a sheriff for a town called Peaceville, having ended up there after avenging his brother’s death in the first book. Don’t get too settled with the peace; it only lasts a few pages when the bank is robbed by a group of Mexican bandits led by a short man called the Matador. (Stereotypes galore in the descriptions of these thieves – we’re talking Frito Bandito-level.) Before Edge can even make it to the bank, two of the bandits stop him in the sheriff’s office and take his hidden stash of $2,000. This is not a good thing to piss off Edge like that.

Edge is taken as a hostage so they can escape town, and once they do, he heads back to get his rifle and go after him. (This is where we are told that Edge also is a wanted man; no real details are given, but since the series goes on a for a while, I’m not really concerned.) Edge is shot at by a female would-be bounty hunter and two marshals, none of whom live. We’re also treated to the exploits of the bandits, who pretty much rape and kill anything that moves, except one old man who successfully hides.

Edge forces the old man to take him to their hideout, but the Mexican army is waiting for the bandits as well. As the story progresses, Edge meets up with them on a search for the TEN GRAND that the cover promises. I can’t go further, since I’ll ruin more plot points then I want to. I’m just mad at myself for discovering this series so late in the game.

EDGE #4: KILLER’S BREED – Now here’s a first for this type of series: a book that actually delves into the character’s backstory. I’m not just talking about “oh, this happened so now he is The Punisher”-type stuff. This 1972 tale deals with the Edge’s days in the Civil War. Actually, it starts out with Edge trying to make it to his boyhood home after a bullet has grazed the back of his neck. Once there, he passes out in front of the family that now lives there. From here, the book is told through flashbacks for all the Hedges history, while the mother and daughter try and save him from whatever is causing his fever.

As a history major in college, I can attest the author plays around with dates (which he even admits it in a brief note at the start), as our trusted hero takes part in three big events: Shenandaoah Valley, Bull Run and Shiloh, which would make him a mighty busy soldier. But these are the events that shaped Edge into the man he is.

First, he’s a fresh lieutenant who comes across a young girl being accosted by a fellow soldier. Being an honorable man, he comes to her help by knocking the man unconscious. The girl, Jeannie, gives undying gratitude to our “hero,” losing her virginity to the rough-and-tumble solider later in the book. From here, the violence takes a hold of him slowly, bearing witness to brutal killings of all kinds, from people’s eyes being shot out and homes being set ablaze to seeing his own men kill their own commanding officer. I could go on and on, but just know it gets gorier as it goes.

We learn Edge is actually wanted for two deaths, one being a former Civil War veteran. I just wish more authors would have taken this approach. Think about it: What do you really know about James Bond, Matt Helm, Sam Durell or even Nick Carter? Yes, I do know there is a book about Bond’s school days, but since it’s not by Ian Fleming, it doesn’t count.

EDGE #6: RED RIVER – Another EDGE tell to whet my thirst for pulpy goodness, this 1972 title is actually a sequel to KILLER’S BREED, but with Edge having fever memories when he runs into someone. The story mainly deals with Edge being accused of killing the son of the wealthiest woman in San Francisco at a card game, even though he’s innocent and is played for as a patsy.

While he awaits trial, the story switches between Civil War memories and the search by the deputy to prove Edge’s innocence, as it seems the sheriff is a bit crooked. We are introduced to most of the crew from his company in the war, who are taking over a town in the deep south. Once that’s done, they celebrate, but – guess what – a group of Southern raiders attack the party, laying waste to all and grabbing Jeannie as a hostage.

This drives our hero on a chase, finding her dead, having been tied to a tree and burnt alive. This is officially the last straw, sending him out on a killing spree more like a one-man war. His troop is then captured by the South and sent to Andersonville (which is probably one of the biggest low points in our history, as this “prison” is just horrific). The story continues with Edge and the boys trying to escape, and the deputy finding the one witness to prove Edge’s innocence.

As with the others, RED RIVER is a great, breezy read in this amazing saga. These books have no first gear – they’re all in fifth and overdrive. To reveal more would just take away all the fun for you. –Bruce Grossman

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MISS EARLIER INSTALLMENTS OF ‘BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS’? REGASM THESE:
#9: Me Tarzan, You Remo
#8: Spillane … ‘Nuff Said!
#7: Still No Martini Drinkers Here
#6: No Martini Drinkers Here
#5: Cheese ‘n’ Sleaze

This week’s notable new releases, ready for you to read!

BLACK ORDER by James Rollins – A sinister fire in a Copenhagen bookstore ignites a relentless hunt across four continents. Arson and murder reveal an insidious plot to steal a Bible that once belonged to Charles Darwin, the father of evolutionary theory. And Commander Gray Pierce dives headlong into a mystery that dates back to Nazi Germany … and to horrific experiments performed in a now-abandoned laboratory buried in a hollowed-out mountain in Poland. A continent away, madness ravages a remote monastery high in Nepal, as Buddhist monks turn to cannibalism and torture. Lisa Cummings, a young American doctor investigating the atrocity, is suddenly a target of a brutal assassin working for clandestine forces that want the affair buried at any cost. Now it is up to SIGMA Force to expose a century-old plot that threatens to destroy the current world order … and alter the destiny of humankind forever.

TEN SECOND STAIRCASE by Christopher Fowler – It’s a crime tailor-made for the Peculiar Crimes Unit: a controversial artist is murdered and displayed as part of her own outrageous installation. No suspects, no motive, no evidence – it’s business as usual for the Unit’s cantankerous founding partners, Arthur Bryant and John May. But this time they have an eyewitness. According to twelve-year-old Luke Tripp, the killer was a cape-clad highwayman atop a black stallion. As implausible as the boy’s story sounds, Bryant and May take it seriously when “The Highwayman” is spotted again, striking a dramatic pose at the scene of his next outlandish murder. Whatever the killer’s real identity, he seems intent on killing off a string of minor celebrities while becoming one himself. Bryant and May find themselves sorting out a case involving an unlikely combination of artistic rivalries, sleazy sex affairs, the Knights Templars, and street gang feuds. To do it, they’re going to have to use every orthodox – and unorthodox – means at their disposal, including myth, witchcraft, and the psychogeographic history of the city’s “monsters,” past and present. (Read our review here.)

THE TRAITOR by Stephen Coonts – Abu Qasim was the perfect spy. He was the man who could bring down Bin Laden, the man who could smash Al Queda. Surrounded by fanatics in the heart of the beast, he believed in himself beyond any shadow of a doubt, believed in what he knew to be right with a faith that could withstand all adversity. He lived by his wits and played the double game to the last drop of blood. Or did he? Assigned to Paris, CIA officer Tommy Carmellini finds himself working for his old boss, Jake Grafton, who is the new CIA operations officer in charge of Europe. Grafton has a mission: He believes that the director of French Intelligence has a secret agent among the leaders of Al Queda and the Americans want access to that intelligence. Yet the director denies it! Trying to ferret out the truth, Grafton and Carmellini are quickly entangled in a mare’s nest of espionage, deception and murder.

DANSE MACABRE by Laurell K. Hamilton – Anita Blake needs to be concentrating on a dangerous situation: the ardeur, the sexual power that flows between Anita and Jean-Claude, Master Vampire of the City, and Richard, the volatile werewolf who loves her passionately, is reaching new levels, perhaps evolving into something altogether new. The ardeur seems to be choosing new lovers for Anita, acting with a will of its own. As Jean-Claude says, the ardeur is hunting powerful prey. The unexpected effect of this is that Jean-Claude’s own power as a master vampire has grown to new levels — and Richard, never predictable, is changing too. But as the days pass, Anita’s less interested in vampire politics than in an ancient, ordinary dread she shares with women down the ages: she may be pregnant. And, if she is, whether the father is a vampire, a werewolf, or someone else entirely, she knows perfectly well that being a Federal Marshall, known for raising the dead and being a vampire executioner, is no way to bring up a baby…

NATURAL SELECTION by Dave Freedman – A mystery. A chase. A vast expansive puzzle. A team of marine scientists is on the verge of making the most stunning discovery in the history of man. In their quest for answers, they engage a host of fascinating characters. The world’s premier neurology expert. A specialist on animal teeth. Flight simulation wizards, evolution historians, deep sea geologists, and so many more. Along the way, the team of six men and women experience love, friendship, loyalty and betrayal. Together, they set off to exotic locales. Literally to the bottom of the ocean. To a vast and mysterious redwood forest. To an unknown complex of massive caves. When people start dying, the stakes are upped even further. Then the real hunt begins… (Read our review later this week.)

SPIDER-MAN: THE DARKEST HOURS by Jim Butcher – When Peter Parker learns that his old enemy the Rhino is on a rampage in Times Square, he suits up as Spider-Man to stop the destructive villain in his tracks. But he’s unexpectedly foiled in his attempts by the Black Cat, a former ally and old flame. The Cat informs Peter that the Rhino is just a distraction – the real threat comes from a group of Ancients, members of the same race as the being called Morlun, who Spidey defeated in battle years earlier. The Ancients are now looking to exact revenge – and hope to steal Spider-Man’s life force in the process.

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Mysteries don’t come any more pleasurable these day than those of Bryant & May. THE WATER ROOM made me a fan so instantaneously, I had to get my hands on the previous two, FULL DARK HOUSE and SEVENTY-SEVEN CLOCKS. And now Christopher Fowler’s aging duo who head up London’s Peculiar Crimes Unit return for a fourth go-round in TEN SECOND STAIRCASE.

Set roughly a month after the soggy whodunit of THE WATER ROOM, this STAIRCASE finds Arthur Bryant and John May in dire straits. Though both of retirement age, their out-of-the-ordinary detective work is all they really have to live for, but their unorthodox methods have landed them in hot water with the higher-ups who threaten to close the division permanently. Then there’s the matter of “The Highwayman,” a V FOR VENDETTA-style masked, caped rogue whose murder of a pro-choice artist is something of a locked-room mystery, witnessed only – and partly at that – by a group of schoolboys touring the museum where her latest controversial installation is displayed.

Bryant and May are rightfully baffled, and the Highwayman becomes a bonafide serial killer with the next victim claimed. The men’s livelihood – and that of their fellow forensics and constables – hangs on solving the crime, which they race to do before the Highwayman becomes a celebrity in the eyes of London’s jaded youth. On top of that, May’s trying to ease his paranoid hermit of a granddaughter back into society, and there’s still the matter of the unsolved case of the Leicester Square Vampire…

Though it makes an excellent point about today’s spoiled generation (one character says kids today “can name a hundred brands but can’t tell you why it’s wrong to stab somebody”), let’s not forget that TEN SECOND STAIRCASE is, first and foremost, the year’s best pure mystery thus far. There are two main reasons. One is Bryant and May themselves. Though irascible and hard-headed, they’re also chicken-soup comfortable, and any adventure of theirs is a total delight to read. The other is Fowler’s skill at telling a story filled with twice as much suspense as it has humor. You find out the clues as Bryant and May do, yet they’re always a step or several ahead; thus, the resolution is always a surprise – something that can’t be said of most mysteries. Formulaic, Fowler is not.

All of STAIRCASE moves steadily, but its final 25 pages are near-breathless, like a ticking timebomb whose counter suddenly decided to speed up the remaining seconds tenfold. I’m dead-serious when I say I believe Fowler’s work will one day stand alongside Arthur Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie in terms of prestige. He’s simply that strong. Mystery fans have no reasonable excuse to ignore him – or his invaluable creations – any longer. –Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS SERIES:
• THE WATER ROOM by Christopher Fowler

All the news that’s fit to capsulize!

THE SHADOW KNOWS … YOU CAN’T WAIT UNTIL FALL
The celebrated pulp novels of The Shadow and Doc Savage are headed back into print in officially licensed two-in-one collections, thanks to Nostalgia Ventures and pulp historian Anthony Tollin. Due in October, the first book reprints Walter Gibson’s CRIME, INSURED and Lester Dent’s THE GOLDEN VULTURE, complete with original interior illustrations! (Readers of Paul Malmont’s excellent new novel THE CHINATOWN DEATH CLOUD PERIL will recall that latter story being a major point of contention between his lead characters.) Having never had the opportunity to read either pulp legend, I’m hungry to see what all the fuss was about. Anything that will erase the memory of the wretched Alec Baldwin movie is A-OK with me; thanks to Son of Michael May for the alert!

‘DREAD’FUL AWARDS NEWS
The Horror Writers Association’s 2005 Stokers have been awarded, with David Morrell’s CREEPERS and Charlee Jacob’s DREAD IN THE BEAST tying for Best Novel. You can see the complete list of winners here, three of which we’ve reviewed: the aforementioned CREEPERS, the DARK DELICACIES anthology and the nonfiction HORROR: ANOTHER 100 BEST BOOKS.

EW FINDS CRIME IMPRINT ‘HARD’ TO LOVE
Hard Case Crime has found itself plopped onto Entertainment Weekly’s “Must List,” as part of the magazine’s annual double issue of “things we love right now.” They even scored a double-page spread. Longtime BOOKGASM readers know that Hard Case has long been aces with us, for many reasons, not the least of which is the cover for next March’s reissue of Gil Brewer’s THE VENGEFUL VIRGIN, at left. See what we mean?

I SEE ‘CAREER’-DEAD PEOPLE
Filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan is courting controversy with Michael Bamberger’s THE MAN WHO HEARD VOICES: OR, HOW M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN RISKED HIS CAREER ON A FAIRY TALE. As the July Tinseltown tale reveals, the SIXTH SENSE director left his longtime Disney home because they criticized the script of his forthcoming LADY IN THE WATER too much. Which gives me an excellent opportunity to state how tired I am of M. Night’s enormous ego. I’m sure it’s rare that the suits actually know better than the creatives, but give me a break. He thinks he’s Hitchcock. He’s not. But a baby? SIGNS point to “yes!”

V FOR VAGINA
Usually when Alan Moore returns to comics, it’s big news. But now it’s for all the wrong reasons. His LOST GIRLS COLLECTED, due next month from Top Shelf, has raised the ire of the copyright holders of J.M. Barrie’s PETER PAN characters, of which Wendy is one of Moore’s leads, engaging in some decidedly X-rated shenanigans. Apparently, hospital officals don’t want to see no-holds-barred, supa-sex action between children. And you know what? Neither do we!

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If we here at BOOKGASM were any good at sports, we probably wouldn’t be reviewing genre fiction for a website called BOOKGASM. Think about it.

That aside, a sports metaphor seems utterly appropriate this week, what with the World Cup playing to indifference all across our nation. Oh, and because our overly tired editor Rod Lott put us all on his shoulders and rumbled into the end zone for a field goal.* Here’s a roundup of Rod’s long, lonely week of glory.

MONDAY >> 6.19.06
Our new, newsy NEWSGASM feature is really hitting its stride in its second week. (Because we say so.) This time, we had more great news about the greatest channel on TV. No, not the Spice Channel, but the Sci-Fi Channel (MANSQUITO excepted). It has green-lit THE DRESDEN FILES as a TV show, and the golden age of genre TV (now) just keeps getting better. Also, we took advantage of Josh Hartnett’s hair for a cheap joke. We’re not to proud to stoop to that level, because that’s what you already expect from us, reader.

Rod delivered his first review of the week with his take on THRILLER: STORIES TO KEEP YOU UP AT NIGHT. Based upon the groundbreaking video from Michael Jackson, it details the King of Pop and Vincent Price’s unsuccessful attempt to molest a horde of rampaging zombie … oh, who am I kidding? This book is really a smorgasborg of suspenseful tales from today’s best thiller writers, and said writers use the characters from their novels to cook up some juicy morsels of excitement.

TUESDAY >> 6.20.06
The BOOK WHORE made her unseemly return this week, sans internal narrative but with plenty of new book releases. We got sneak peeks at SHADOW MAN by Cody McFayden, MAMMOTH by John Varley and, most notably, BLUE SCREEN by Robert B. Parker, in which the stars of Parker’s lesser-selling franchises must find a way to escape the discount tables of bookstores the world over.

The pulp awesomeness of BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS kept on swinging this week. If you haven’t been printing out these columns and toting them down to your local used book emporium, it’s the best way to:
a) Get some exercise, fat ass.
b) Pick up a week of great reads for less than $5.

Anyway, this week’s BBB&B (or “B4,” as the kids on the mean streets like to call it) covered TARZAN AND THE JEWELS OF OPAR, THE NEVER WAS GIRL (great cover), LOVERS ARE LOSERS and THE DESTROYER #22: BRAIN DRAIN, in which the ever-deadly Remo Williams heads to Hollywood and discovers – surprise! – a lack of creative thought. What did they uncover in #23? Untrustworthy politicians?

Rod Lott took the lotion from the basket and liberally applied THE SERIAL KILLERS CLUB on Tuesday, and he was none too pleased with the result. He discovers – and this theory may possibly apply to other books as well – that sometimes you can’t judge a book by its cover, thereby shaking the foundations of my book-selection habits.

WEDNESDAY >> 6.21.06
Without short stories to sustain its writers, science fiction may well have died in its early days. But thanks to master editors and magazines with awesome titles like Unknown, we now live in a time in which science fiction pervades nearly every aspect of our lives, save lawn care (yet). The advent of this form is anthologized in THE SCIENCE FICTION CENTURY: VOLUME 1, and Rod Lott, despite his pedestrian unwillingness to learn made-up languages or construct character-arc flowcharts, found these stories acceptable. Myself, I was lured into science fiction fandom by the promise of green women with moral codes that didn’t preclude liaisons with bespectacled teenagers from Wisconsin.

And I got them.

THURSDAY >> 6.22.06
Maybe it was because there wasn’t a chance of seeing green women, but I never read any war comics as a kid. Obviously I missed out, because resident iron man (Can he see? Is he blind?) Rod Lott singled out SHOWCASE PRESENTS THE HAUNTED TANK: VOLUME 1, as the perfect volume for reading in short bursts, Harried husbands rejoice! Finally, something to read in those milliseconds between "do the laundry" and "paint the kitchen."

FRIDAY >> 6.23.06
A famous college dean once said, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." Surprisingly nobody’s ever said that to golfer John Daly, because, as Rod pointed out in his review of MY LIFE IN AND OUT OF THE ROUGH, Daly’s autobiography, the man’s had a heaping helping of all three. It’s that in-your-face honesty that resonates, however, and despite my opinion that golf is a waste of a good day’s sitting on the couch and reading comic books, if I ever picked up a golf autobiography, this would probably be the one.

And on the sixth day, Rod rests. He’s done such a fantastic job covering for his sorry, free-book-grubbing staff this week that Mr. Lott deserves a round of applause, as well as boob-signing opportunities. –Ryun Patterson

*Or is it a home run?

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Not being a sports fanatic, I had no idea who John Daly was. But I was prepared to hate him: a millionaire pro golfer who does everything to excess, as his waistline and alimony checks bear witness. Instead, his warts-and-all autobiography, MY LIFE IN AND OUT OF THE ROUGH, made me want to sit down with him and buy him a beer. But he’d probably drink me into the poorhouse.

Pegged as “the truth behind all that bullshit you think you know about me,” the tell-all recounts his out-of-nowhere 1991 PGA championship before jumping back to the beginning, where we learn about his youthful party days. You know, the good times, like when his dad almost killed him with a pistol. In college, his diet consisted of cigarettes, popcorn and whiskey, leading to more dangerous days with alcohol, like the night he ran 17 red lights in a row just because he felt like it, or when he destroyed his own house in a rage.

Daly’s on-again/off-again battle with alcohol isn’t the only addiction he chronicles. There’s also gambling (he’s lost $55 million in 15 years at casinos), cigarettes (he smokes during tourneys), sex (he’s currently on his fourth wife, who’s in prison), chocolate (a 20-pack-a-day habit of Peanut M&Ms) and diet Coke (15 cans every 24 hours).

No one will accuse ROUGH of being literary; in fact, the Q&A comprising Chapter 10 reads like grade school journalism, but the book’s true tall tales build an immense speed, as if you’re just sitting on the barstool next to the guy, hearing him tell his life story. Ironically, by taking every effort to make himself look bad, the Hooters-sponsored, Jack Nicklaus-worshipping Daly comes off looking good. Honesty goes a long way in the endearment department. –Rod Lott

“If you think about sex as much as I do, it can get tough out there in a golf tournament. You got good-looking women all over the place. Some of them take off their underpants and sit around the greens and flash you when you come up to putt. Women are always coming up to you in the parking lot and asking you to sign their boobs. I used to do that a lot, but after that thing with Tiffany on the Internet, I don’t sign tits anymore.”

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If I were a betting man, I would have put all my chips on SGT. ROCK being the first DC Comics war title to get SHOWCASEd. But instead, they’ve opted for the “gay, reckless laughter” of a Civil War general’s ghost and the phallic piece of machinery to which he dispenses advice in SHOWCASE PRESENTS THE HAUNTED TANK: VOLUME 1.

Never the star of its own book, the Haunted Tank served as the main feature of the bimonthly G.I. COMBAT in the 1960s, 33 consecutive issues of which are presented here, along with a bonus issue apiece of THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD and OUR ARMY AT WAR. Despite the whole “haunted” part, the Haunted Tank was 100 percent war and zero percent horror, which adds up to about 83 percent fun. Seriously, do the math.

These “flaming adventures” star three Jeb Stuarts: a nervous World War II lieutenant and the itsy-bitsy tank he commands, both of whom rather conveniently are named after the famed, bearded Confederate general, who only agrees to be their watchful eye after some prodding from the spirit of Alexander the Great.

So the Jeb who’s alive drives around in the Jeb that’s a tank with his three other crew members, indistinguishable except one has freckles. Then the Jeb who’s dead shows up in the sky and gives cryptic warnings like “War is won by the heart, not by numbers!” Alive Jeb, who excels at excreting flopsweat, is the only one who can hear Dead Jeb, likely because he’s mentally ill. Anyway, Alive Jeb always misinterprets Dead Jeb’s maddening clues until he finally figures it out and a battle is won. Why Dead Jeb doesn’t come right out and get more specific like, “There are two German tanks waiting on the other side of the river, which you’ll pass at precisely 4:24 this afternoon, so you might want to look out for them” is beyond me. Guardian angels aren’t supposed to deal in brainteasers when four people’s lives are at stake.

And storywise, there’s not much in store for the Haunted Tank except … um, fighting other tanks, perhaps? Thus, issues see the rolling steel wonder face off against such formidable opponents as Ghost Tank, Killer Tank and the Tank of Doom. In the category of non-tanks, they also square off against the spirit of Attilla the Hun. The aforementioned Sgt. Rock cameos in a couple of stories, as does ace Indian fighter pilot Johnny Cloud. In fact, the single-best story in this 550-plus-page extravaganza is also its least formulaic: “Suicide Mission” (a three-part tale referred to as a “four-part novel”), in which all three war-comics heroes team up to save a double agent from the Nazis, who have encased the unlucky spy in an iron mask.

Art duties for most of the issues are handled by Russ Heath and the great Joe Kubert, whose recognizable style is perfect for such a concept ripe with jets, grenades and other toys of warfare. Yes, the stories are repetitive, but back then, I’m guessing each one was a 12-cent treasure when you had to wait eight weeks between them. As long as you don’t try to digest this weird war story treasury all in a single, first Gulf War-sized sitting, you’ll likely succumb to the friendly fire. T’anks, DC! –Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THIS SERIES:
• SHOWCASE PRESENTS THE HOUSE OF MYSTERY: VOLUME 1
• SHOWCASE PRESENTS JONAH HEX: VOLUME 1
• SHOWCASE PRESENTS METAMORPHO: VOLUME 1
• SHOWCASE PRESENTS SUPERMAN FAMILY: VOLUME 1

Whenever I’m asked whether I like science fiction, I’m torn whether to answer “yes” or “no.” I do like the kind of science fiction that no longer seems to be in vogue, the kind that didn’t require you to learn an invented language or draft a character flowchart to enjoy.

Luckily, the trade paperback THE SCIENCE FICTION CENTURY: VOLUME 1 sticks to that kind. Editor David G. Hartwell is a master anthologist, as demonstrated by both his excellent introduction to the text and his refusal to pick any obvious favorites for this collection. When drawing from a 100-year span, the genre has a lot to offer, and you get a healthy mix of everything, including stories steeped in humor (C.S. Lewis’s “Ministering Angels), politics (Michael Shaara’s “2066: Election Day”) and childhood nostalgia (James Tiptree Jr.’s STAR TREK-influenced “Beam Us Home”).

Justifying the CENTURY of the title, the book includes a rather lengthy entry from SF grandfather H.G. Wells, whose “A Story of the Days to Come” illustrates why science fiction was often termed “scientific romance” way back when. Longer still is Charles Harness’ “The Rose,” which Hartwell cites as an example of “‘grand opera’ science fiction” (perhaps paving the way for his mammoth forthcoming THE SPACE OPERA RENAISSANCE collection).

But the book illustrates that even models of brevity can wield as much power on the page, like Frank Belknap Long’s “The Hounds of Tindalos,” a terrific alien-invasion tale told in a mere 10 pages. One might think it difficult to to string together Victorian authors with such genre busters as Philip José Farmer, but Hartwell’s story-by-story intros make it work. Further to his credit, he spotlights people you don’t normally think of when you think of science fiction, including such literary stalwarts as E.M. Forster, Rudyard Kipling and Jack London, whose “The Scarlet Plague” closes this brick of a book. (But at 500 pages, it still represents merely the first half of the original 1997 hardcover edition; VOLUME 2 will follow this fall.)

Whether you’re a longtime sci-fi lover or just a casual observer, CENTURY is well worth adding to your collection, not only for its historical value, but Hartwell’s unique perspective. –Rod Lott

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OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• CHRISTMAS STARS edited by David G. Hartwell
• H.G. WELLS COLLECTOR’S BOOK OF SCIENCE FICTION by H.G. Wells
• THE WAR OF THE WORLDS by H.G. Wells

Despite a killer premise, Jeff Povey’s THE SERIAL KILLERS CLUB far from slayed me.

Forgive the puns, but at least they’re in step with the loose, severed-tongue-in-cheek tone of this oddball debut novel. Not quite a thriller nor a mystery – and not quite funny – this thinly written story concerns a would-be victim of a serial killer murdering the killer instead and then assuming his identity, and then answering a series of personal ads that lead him to join a full-fledged group of homicidal maniacs who regularly meet and talk shop at a local restaurant, partly so they don’t go after each other’s victims.

The members operate anonymously, assuming names of movie stars like Burt Lancaster, Chuck Norris and Betty Grable. Our narrator dubs himself Douglas Fairbanks Jr. and quickly grows the enjoy his time spent in their company, so long as he can fake his way through gory stories of his success. Then an FBI agent named Wade corners him – assuming “Dougie” to be the real “Grandson of Barney” killer – and tells him they know what he’s been doing, and would he be willing to avoid punishment by killing off his fellow club members within the next two months?

Because there would be no book otherwise, our narrator answers in the affirmative, and the games begin. Too bad they’re not all that fun. I really wanted to warm to this one, but the attempt at dark humor fell flat. Previously, Povey wrote for BBC’s EASTENDERS, and that may signal the problem: British humor – already a bit difficult when translated over the tube – is even more problematic in print. For instance, a character is named Turner Turner III just for the sake of an easy laugh – one that may be garnered in front of a live audience, but proves leaden on the page.

Another is that it begins too late, with the Grandson of Barney already dead. Then after the club is introduced, Povey jumps ahead again and skips our narrator’s first murder. I kept thinking I missed something, but it’s just that the flow of the story is arbitrary and meandering. In a way, it’s kind of like AND THEN THERE WERE NONE in reverse, not to mention perverse. But where it leads is anticlimactic and not half as clever as it thinks it is (nor as its cover). –Rod Lott

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Ready for a little change of pace, folks? How about three previously undiscussed authors covered this week? We’re really running the gamut in this one, from a pulp icon to a real-life spy writer. So before the summer heat really takes a number on everyone, dig through a used store for these catch titles.

TARZAN AND THE JEWELS OF OPAR – First and foremost, take any idea of Tarzan you might have from the TV or movies and get rid of it, since it’s just a sad sketch of the real character. If you’ve never read any of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ original Tarzan stories, look for the first book; it might be considered a bit racist now, but let’s remember when it was written.

But today we’re talking 1916’s TARZAN AND THE JEWELS OF OPAR, in which Tarzan gets amnesia and Jane is kidnapped. That’s the entire plot, but it’s so packed with action and detail, you can let that pass. But you also have an Arab sheik, a Belgian deserter, a lost city and, of course, the animals. The book just goes from one daring adventure to another in a style like no other, because Burroughs was the master at storytelling in the pulp style. There is a reason his books are still floating around: The guy could write. Many have tried and failed to capture his magic, but stick with his stuff. Now, there is some continuity to the series (of which this is the fifth entry), but it’s not going to kill you to start at the first book and make your way through.

THE NEVER WAS GIRL – Nothing better for summer reading then a Carter Brown book. I don’t think a single one of them tops 150 pages, so they all can be finished while lounging by the pool or beach. For some odd reason, they just never really took off here in the States, but in Europe they were huge.

This 1964 tale – THE NEVER WAS GIRL – deals with a trouble shooter called Rick Holman who works out in Hollywood. At a party one night, a British actor has a bit too much to drink and ran off with a girl to a beach house. He passes out and she winds up dead; the catch is that everyone at the party swears none of that happened, that he was there unti 4 a.m. before sent packing. Is it just a delusion or a mysterious cover-up?

From what I’ve read of them, Carter Brown novels are best described as mysteries on steroids, with none of the fat or filler. It’s just a “here we go” kind of an attitude, where the clues pile up fast and it ends with one of those drawing room sequences. You know, where the hero will go through the whole case with every suspect in the room, until he makes the claim of who the real killer is. Next time you plan on spending some time in the sun, grab a Carter Brown; you won’t be disappointed, and if you are, gee, it only takes like two hours to read.

LOVERS ARE LOSERS – Does the name E. Howard Hunt ring any bells? Let’s just say he did some “plumbing” at the Watergate Hotel. Yep, the fiction writing of a former CIA agent is what sold me on Hunt’s LOVERS ARE LOSERS, from a pre-scandal 1953. Who knew it actually takes place in fantasyland?

A mining engineer by the name of Christopher Powell comes back to the states after doing a survey job in La Paz. He’s a super tough guy since he made suitcases out of alligators he shot himself. (Oooh, so tough and manly – take that, G. Gordon Liddy!) Dickie Barden, a former school chum, wants Christopher to do a little snooping to protect his younger sister Diana, who is all of 18 years old and lorded over by their evil stepmother.

In some portions, this book seemed to have huge neon signs with the big words “Here it comes, folks.” There are so many plot points that were dead giveaways, it was just embarrassing. I’m talking stuff you could have seen from the Space Shuttle, from corrupt charities, a blackmail ring, homemade porn, hidden pasts, false names and the most obvious of them all: lesbian lovers. With all the killing going on, you would think Hunt would write in some sort of police involvement, but no, Powell just wanders around like some type of ghost witnessing events unfold or even falling apart. I actually enjoyed it, but maybe other Hunt books will be better.

THE DESTROYER #22: BRAIN DRAIN – From original creators Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy comes 1976’s THE DESTROYER #22: BRAIN DRAIN, the further adventures of C.U.R.E. agent Remo Williams and his master Chuin. The story begins with a grotesque murder scene: a roomful of hippies’ heads cut open and their brains scooped out, while their limbs have been stuck to a wall to resemble a poster in the room.

While this modern art is being assembled, Remo is in a hotel room with some wannabe revolutionaries who think they are talking to a reporter about a huge government cover-up agency. It seems a worker at the Folcroft (C.U.R.E.’s base of operation) has stumbled upon info he should not have. Needless to say, Remo makes quick business of the lot. Later, Remo relaxes at Cape Cod, where they are visited by their boss Dr. Smith, but Chuin is too infatuated with his soap operas to be bothered.

As Smith makes his trip back home, a statue explodes, landing Smith in a hospital, where he is tortured and his room is cleverly booby trapped. Entering the picture is a previous enemy (see THE DESTROYER #18: FUNNY MONEY) by the name of Mr. Gordons, who is some kind of super-duper android that craves creativity – hence the missing minds – which takes him the most creative place in the world: Hollywood, where nothing but original ideas sprout! (Hey, did anyone catch that OMEN remake?)

Gordons hooks up with agent Wanda Reidel, who thinks her shot to the big time is having him do her bidding. They hatch a plan to have Remo and Chuin come to the coast by dangling a tasty carrot for Chuin. This book is a huge satire of the studio system and maybe the guys should have revisited it before signing that movie contract. A fun read that got finished in less time than I expected, BRAIN DRAIN made me want more Remo adventures. By the 1980s, the relationship between Sapir and Murphy became very strained, so Murphy would handle the bulk until he started enlisting ghost writers. There is a rundown of every ghost writer for the books found here.

Next week, this column finally gets a little EDGE to it! –Bruce Grossman

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MISS EARLIER INSTALLMENTS OF ‘BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS’? REGASM THESE:
#8: Spillane … ‘Nuff Said!
#7: Still No Martini Drinkers Here
#6: No Martini Drinkers Here
#5: Cheese ‘n’ Sleaze
#4: A Rabbi, a Priest, a Pusher, a Queen

OTHER BOOKGASM REVIEWS OF THESE AUTHORS:
• THE DESTROYER #14: JUDGMENT DAY by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy
• GRANDMASTER by Warren Murphy