Richard Laymon’s latest posthumous novel, THE LAKE, begins with a teenage girl named Deana watching her boyfriend get killed by a man in a chef’s hat at their makeout point. It’s kind of like how her mom Leigh watched her own boyfriend die post-orgasm in a rickety old cabin during that one summer at the lake 18 years ago.
Could the two incidents be related? Of course they could. How else could Laymon stretch this thing out to 400 pages otherwise? I liked the first two-thirds of THE LAKE, but the rest falls victim to dialogue that rings false, piss-poor plotting and an unforgivable absence of logic. In real life, two women living on their own as Leigh and Deana do wouldn’t hang around the house when they know that not one but two killers are on the loose and out for their blood. Nor would a loving mother like Leigh leave her daughter alone in the middle of the night amidst all this craziness to go settle a fight at her restaurant. These two just don’t know how to dial 911.
But they do know how to get freaky. The sex is always abundant and fairly explicit in Laymon’s novels, but these gals have to be the horniest female characters he’s ever written. Alas, this isn’t enough to save THE LAKE from drowning in its own mediocrity. Tighter plotting and more believability may have resulted in a more satisfying suspenser, but what we have is something like feels like a hasty first draft. It’s not the worst of Laymon’s books I’ve read, but there are far better ones.
With another month gone, it’s time for another look at the most popular search phrases that bring Internet surfers to BOOKGASM. Last time, you folks were all about the “Sudoku” and “Mimi Rogers’ breasts.” This month, there wasn’t a single Sudoku query to be found, but you’re still interested in Mimi’s mammaries – and I, for one, cannot blame you.
However, you’re also interested in the almighty chest of Uschi Digard, in asking a jillion Lemony Snicket questions and in some kind of AMITYVILLE HORROR crossword puzzle, whatever that is. I’m not sure what BOOKGASM has to do cannibals or people named Mario who cavort with magicians, but that’s the magic of the Internets! So without further ado, October’s list:
• naked actresses
• mr skin skincyclopedia
• bookgasm
• best american nonrequired reading 2005
• carrie rickey
• 24 declassified
• uschi digard celebrity
• doomed magazine idw
• mimi rogers
• www.bookgasm.com
• meg: hell’s aquarium
• king kong photos and art
• scary movies
• when does the penultimate peril come out?
• john birmingham designated targets
• lemony snicket penultimate peril
• george r r martin free audio book
• how many pages is the penultimate peril ?
• film titanius
• king kong edgar wallace and merian cooper 1932 1st edition
• thrillers
• steve alten
• 24 operation hell gate
• ted thompson snicket
• knife of dreams review
• esquire magazines sexiest woman
• profoundly erotic sexy movies that changed history
• jennifer esposito naked
• dc comics
• quills awards
• the amityville horror crossword puzzle
• mamie van doren
• stephen king salem’s lot
• jay mohr gasping for airtime
• evangeline lilly naked
• cannibal stories in magazines
• illustrated ’salem’s lot
• nick hornby smallest country
• mrskin.com username password
• literary style for mario and the magician
• yellow wallpaper
Stephen King will add comic books to his writing resume when THE DARK TOWER, a monthly series based upon his seven-volume fantasy opus of the same name, debuts next April from Marvel Comics.
The issues will expand upon Roland the Gunslinger’s quest via prequels and other original stories, rather than strict adaptations of the books. Handling art duties will be Eisner-award-winning artist Jae Lee (TRANSFORMERS/G.I. JOE, ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR). A hardcover edition collecting the first six issues will be available by year-end 2006.
For more information, visit http://www.marvel.com/king.
Some movies are designed to titillate, yet none set out to alter the very fabric of our nation, much less the world. However, every now and then, some do – whether legally, culturally or otherwise – and America’s foremost drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs examines 10 such instances in PROFOUNDLY EROTIC: SEXY MOVIES THAT CHANGED HISTORY.
A sequel to 2003’s PROFOUNDLY DISTURBING: SHOCKING MOVIES THAT CHANGED HISTORY, this all-EROTIC volume has nothing but sex on the brain, mining hormonally charged gems (and turds) from the silent era to the VHS revolution. Arranged chronologically, each chapter focuses on one landmark film, detailing its ever-torrid history from conception to afterlife. Even the movies that hold no interest for you – say, the Rudolph Valentino vehicle THE SHIEK – make for completely fascinating stories under Joe Bob’s tutleage, what with such irresistible leads as “In 1921, the entire civilized world became entranced by a rape fantasy.”
Without question, the stories behind the movies are more interesting than the movies themselves. You learn about Valentino’s pre-fame gig as a gigolo; Ann-Margret’s utterly bizarre rollercoaster of a career, reaching its nadir with KITTEN WITH A WHIP (though Joe Bob convincingly argues for the film’s unappreciated merits); Kim Basinger’s fragile emotional state during the making of 9 1/2 WEEKS, thanks to the manipulation of her director and co-star; and the racuous behavior of the lead of Russ Meyer’s THE IMMORAL MR. TEAS, drunkenly demanding one of his comely co-stars to bed him. Best of all is the chapter on I AM CURIOUS (YELLOW), the Swedish political porno that became embroiled in a fierce legal battle when its U.S. distributor first tried to release it in the late ’60s. I’ve never seen the film, nor do I want to; it would pale in comparison to the rich events told here.
As with DISTURBING, absent are Joe Bob’s patented “drive-in totals,” which rate flicks on a basis of bosoms bared and bombs blown up. But EROTIC doesn’t need it. This is a more serious – but highly entertaining – tour of cinematic history, yet told as only Joe Bob could tell it: funny, well-researched and compelling. It’s also a reminder of how good a writer Briggs (aka John Bloom) really is; behind that goofy, redneck TV-host persona lies one intelligent, talented guy. If you want a crash course on the salicious history of sex epics, this is your luridly illustrated textbook.
Joe Bob notes in his introduction that “chances are the film you found to be the sexiest ever made is nowhere mentioned. That’s because eroticism involves the most personal of judgments.” But if you’re wondering where films like IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT, LOLITA, BELLE DE JOUR, THE OUTLAW, EMMANUELLE and SEX, LIES, AND VIDEOTAPE are, join the club. These titles were all cited in pre-release press materials for the book, so one can only hope Joe Bob has another EROTIC volume waiting under his 10-gallon hat.
Halloween is here again, and those of you paying attention hopefully have noticed we’ve spent the days leading up to it reviewing some notable horror anthologies of the past couple years. There were 12 in all – no rhyme or reason behind that number – each denoted with that cute little skull-pumpkin graphic you see to your right. 
